Giving up

Love. I have never given up on love. despite the many sorrows that come with it, i still believe in the sanctity of love. i still believe in the powers that come with love. how it can change the course of history. how it can change a person's heart. what i have given up is to find love for myself. everytime i seek, i end up on the losing end. i end up losing faith. i end up losing myself, and all the people that surrounds me at that moment. if there is any doubt if i had lost the will to love, yes. but i still believe in love. i still believe in waiting for the right person to come. but i also believe that it may not happen to me in this lifetime. so, i shall learn to pick up the pieces of my shattered life and move on.

fairytale romances are for little kids. kids with bubbles built from reading these storybooks. falling asleep waiting for the right person to come. some kids never grow out of it. whereas, some are exposed to the dark side of romances. the side that bears envy, jealousy and resent. i guess i still harbour a little hope for romance to happen, but i have also seen the dark side, and i am trying not to let these things take over my life. dreams are easily shattered, and i should learn to wake up and stop dreaming

ciao

how do...

how do you help to mend a broken heart? when you can't even mend your own.
how do you tell the truth? when everyday you are living a lie.
how do you live every waking moment? hoping that death comes knocking the next second.
how do you love another? when loving yourself is so hard.
how do you speak? how do you walk? how do you think? how do you act?
how do other hear? how do others see? how do others comprehend? how do others react?

it's amazing how we lead our lives. how we do things. how we even react to certain things. i know i have not been easy. but live hasn't been kind on me either. everytime i seek closure for something, life messes it up.
everytime i wanna open something, life messes it up too.
is this how Murphy's law supposed to work?
is this the pleasure gained from the powers that be?
to ruin me? to make me miserable? to make me suffer? to see me hurt?

at this junction, i wonder
do i close the door? do i seal my windows? do i freeze my palace?
or do i even continue to leave it open, letting the last bit of heat to warm?
do i continue to stare out, looking at summer love?
or do i place my heart out, waiting for the winter cold?

tears i have none, regrets i have a tonne
sometimes i see all, but at the same time, i see none
how strange, i wonder
as we go closer, we drift further apart.

ciao