It's been..

Two months and a fortnight. that's how long since i last written something here. Again, the same problems manifest itself. Not that i don't want to write, but sometimes, i just can't compose the random thoughts in my head to put it into proper words. as much as people like to think that taureans are grounded and stable, i can be quite fickle at times. my brain is constantly on hyperactive mode, and the thought process never stops. hence at times, i wish for nothing more than a pause in life.

A complete disaster. the end of the year, and the start of the year has been a complete disaster when it comes to friendship. little did i know, i lost my support, my wingman, and allies and my listeners. in a split moment, everything came crashing down, not unlike jericho. probably, i am jericho. i am the trouble in the core, and hence, when i finally sound, the walls (or friends) will just come crashing and break away. never expected this to happen, and worst still, i don't know what is the cause. hurt, yes. betrayed, yes. deranged, no. forgiven, no. forgotten, not yet. but what i do know is i will learn from this episode, and trust no one anymore. how stupid can i be, when everytime i trust someone, or a few people, these people bail on me and fail me.

A seclusion. being isolated and secluded is probably best for me. it makes me reevaluate my priorities, and to know who my friends, and people who pretends to be my friends are. i have seen enough, heard enough and read enough to know the truth. i don't need an explanation, and probably, i will never find peace ever again. thank you all for being my support group for 2 years plus? but i guess the end is inevitable.

A dream. in fact, many dreams.. i dream that i can move on to greater heights. i dream that i found what i wanted, and the people that i want to be with. i dream that i am someone different. and yes, like nelly's song, it is just a dream. reality sucks. when i looked onto the shadow while i was walking down the ally, i couldn't recognise the man behind it. i don't know the shadow anymore, and it is like a dream, or a forced reality.

Rude and annoying. is it too much to ask for being mature, for being courteous, and yes, for being more polite? not to say that i don't cuss, but i do find it uncomfortable with the random use of profanities. my upbringing didn't teach me to have such a uncouth mouth or such impolite behaviour. whatever happened to social etiquettes? whatever happened to the gentleman..

i plan to lay lo for a while again, and let times fly by

ciao