Out of steam

well, i'm exhausted. so tired of what's going on around me. i just can't seem to pen my thoughts on anything now. there's so many things to do, and yet i've completed none. goals to reach, yet none have materialise...and now, i am lost in this game called life.

the past week was indeed fun. thaipusam festival (celebrated with friends atop the hill), then a shopping spree..but is that what i really want? is that what they really want?? sometimes i wonder. i tend to take the lead most of the time...i don't wanna be a leader, but somehow, i'll just assume the role naturally. however, this got me thinking.. are my pals fine with it? if not, why don't they say anything. they keep on asking me to plan.. but are my plans fruitful and befits everyone? or it's just plain rubbish and ppl are following just to please me.... i wonder

then, i wonder again. do people actually want me in their group? do they really accept me as part of their social network? or are they just putting up with me, hoping that i will shy away soon? am i imposing myself on others, making them love my company? or do my actions actually make them loath me?? i wonder

silly thoughts fill my head while i'm awake. silly dreams take me to places that i haven't been in my sleep. is this because i'm a silly person? of has my mind being idle for so long that it is slowly turning senile?? well, i was just telling my grams this afternoon, if ever i will be mentally demented when i'm old. considering that i've already lost half of my mind now, will i ever trod down the street naked? in a bra? or will i spend the remaining years of my life on the side walk??

then there are times where we dream beyond our means. we imagine ourselves being in someone else's position, doing some other things... take me for instance.. i'd dream of being a fashion designer, a marine biologist, a model(?), an event planner(?), a psychic....but where am i now? stuck in reality, being just the average joe. will i lead a woeful life, remaining average, and pass away anonymously?? or will i ever get the chance to lead a high life?? i wonder again.....

ok, i guess lethargy is taking over my soul. anymore blabbering, and tim burton will make a movie out of my pathetic life. hence, i bid thy adieu, and till we meet again..
ciao

je t'aime.

oh, i've just found out about this song from celine dion, titled 'water from the moon'. it's rather old, but i find the lyrics quite interesting. in fact, it mirrors certain parts of my love life (if only i had one). i told myself to stay clear of the untouchable...but i guess the hyde in me just wouldn't comply. spending more time with this person will only lead my into deeper misery... but hyde thinks, do i have to get water from the moon, to make the person love me.....

ciao