Closure..beginning

after missing in action for a while, i guess it is time to come back to blogosphere, and re-compose my thoughts. i never thought it would be that hard, but it was certainly an obstacle that i had to make it through. now it is done and over with, i guess i can move on. i have to admit, remnants of the obstacle will remain, but again, i will not let it have the better part of me.

looking back, the hiatus allowed me a lot of time to do some soul searching. i had no idea what i was looking for, but i guess eventually, everything cleared out. i can see that it is finally time to stop fooling around anymore. time to get back to my studies, time to make plans for the future, and time to 'clean up' my act.

it's also been a while since i came back from japan. then, it was followed by the chinese new year, and other work commitments, societal commitments, i guess i really lack the energy to move forward anymore. i've tried to dedicate myself so much to work, and then trying to lead a normal life. but i guess that cannot be helped. how do i start over? where do i start over? i need an answer.. but i believe those questions will never be answered.

as of now, i am officially a quarter century old. yup, all those saying, it is finally here. i hated every moment of it, am still hating it, but i guess i still have to put on a smile everyday. i wish it could all end now, but i guess it is not that easy.. if only there are options. some way. somehow, why are we not deciding our life? why are we being dictated by social norms, by other ppl's choices and options, and to a further extend, some unknown forces that controls life and death. why can't we just option to press the button, and let it all end.

sometimes, do you ever wonder if it is worth wasting all the energy and effort? all the thoughts, emotions, and work? just for an impulsive moment? and finally, regretting it later. i know it is too late to regret it now, and it has being done, but i just can't help but to feel a little irked by that. i need a closure, i believe it is there, but why can't i reach out to it, and close it up.

somebody save me..
teach me how to cry, and i will live and let die.

am off again. for how long, i am not sure. probably i'll be back. soon

cheers