Until the day...

Until the day when the Yellow River runs dry..
Until the day when the Swifts can no longer learn to fly..
Until the day when there is no more Brightness in the sky,
Only then, will there be closure in this sorry heart of mine.

- I don't know why, but you do inspire me in many different ways. You constantly bring out this person in me which i have suppressed so long. In a way, thank you.
Other than that, thanks for making me a sad, pathetic b***h, always wallowing in this filthy puddle of mud :)

For I Am

For in time of Adversity, misery and pain;
I am the Angel, shining through the rain.
For i Run the seven continents, scale the seven peaks;
Sail the seven Oceans, just to be at your side,
Through Night and day, never letting you out of sight.

For Hours to days, i am willing to give;
Fine Weather or neither, for as long as i live.
Armed with courage, passion and strength,
For i am the kNight that will rides,
Four corner of the Globe, to the far sides.

Yearning and learning that hope remained,
Eager to savour, the sweet soul that retained;
Never appeasing, my passions abstained.

Merry are those who believe, ever wanting to achieve;
Ivory and coal, ever willing to give.
Never taking, for the pure and the saints;
in God we trust, till this soul...remains.

For i am pure, and i am giving, for I am the lamb.
For i feed the hunger, the poor and the maimed.
For i seek not my happiness, but those around me to believe.
For i am pure, i am.. for i am LOVE

p.s.: this little piece was inspired after i posted a very random note on FB, wanting to believe:

: and i surrender myself to you, praying that you will finally answer my call and end my misery...for i sacrifice not for myself, but the good and benevolance that surrounds me.

it was followed with my own comment of: for i ask for none for myself, but for the happiness and joy experienced by others. for only when they are happy, will i considered my prayers heard and my sacrifice taken. for i am, but a soul, willing to die for the millions that will benefit from it. for i am the lamb, providing meat to help those who are hungry and poor.

after reading, and learning the cryptic message from my heart, it is apparent that you are still standing there, never wanting me to close. therefore, this little prose that i have written, is specially dedicated to you. hopefully one day, you will get to read it, and understand the heart that wrote it. let it be known that fear, grief and disappointment fills me at this time, but certainly, like the fate of pandora, i can only hope.

YOU.. 2011

well, isn't this an interesting situation. as much as i convince myself that i survived the year, there is an undeniable fact that you came into my life and shook my faith. there is no doubt that u made an impact, and yet you will never realise the affects of your actions/inactions. funny how i surrender my life to you, only to be reminded again and again that you don't know me. i am barely even there in your life, but i gave such a huge part of mine to you. it just begs the question of worth.. i learn, and yet i falter again and again. if only i had not meet you. if only i had not talked to you.. then, perhaps it would be better.

prior to the close of last year, i retraced the steps that i met you. the places that held us for a moment. but to my disappointment, there is nothing left of you there. in fact, you don't belong, and i should learn how to close you from my mind. if you had only known...

funny how you asked me (although you are drunk) if i still love fate A and fate B. as much as those fates do not belong to me, i love them as much as i love you. for you shall always be a part of me, a part where i'll be concerned, and a part that i will still care for. however, with the recent year, i learned to be selfish. i should be wasting my energy anymore to worry for you, nor my other two fates. for all of you are now mature and ready to take flight. most importantly, my concerns and worries are selfish and will not be appreciated.

and then, you raise a belief beyond doubt that i should find love, and let love find me too. i did found love. i understood the meaning of love, and the even greater meaning of letting go, as part of love. i guess there comes a point in time where the greatest love prevails, allowing for me to love all of you unconditionally, instead of a selfish love.

you said i am making progress by being myself. at least, i learnt how to pick up pieces of my life and make good. i am confident of myself, and am sure of what i want. but is this true? are your observations accurate? is it because of our long separation that you no longer know me best? nevertheless, i am thankful for you, always hearing me out.

and finally, you. you took ONE tear away from me last night. that was all that i could muster. the sorrow is just too deep that it can no longer be expressed at this level. i will promise myself to be strong, and hopefully to get better rest tonight. and i guess that tear was a good warning, and here is me wishing u a happy 'relationship', iphone or not.. i may not know the entire truth, but i guess my observations and hunches may be right sometimes. even if it is not right, i am satisfied having to love you once, without you knowing or not..