YOU.. 2011

well, isn't this an interesting situation. as much as i convince myself that i survived the year, there is an undeniable fact that you came into my life and shook my faith. there is no doubt that u made an impact, and yet you will never realise the affects of your actions/inactions. funny how i surrender my life to you, only to be reminded again and again that you don't know me. i am barely even there in your life, but i gave such a huge part of mine to you. it just begs the question of worth.. i learn, and yet i falter again and again. if only i had not meet you. if only i had not talked to you.. then, perhaps it would be better.

prior to the close of last year, i retraced the steps that i met you. the places that held us for a moment. but to my disappointment, there is nothing left of you there. in fact, you don't belong, and i should learn how to close you from my mind. if you had only known...

funny how you asked me (although you are drunk) if i still love fate A and fate B. as much as those fates do not belong to me, i love them as much as i love you. for you shall always be a part of me, a part where i'll be concerned, and a part that i will still care for. however, with the recent year, i learned to be selfish. i should be wasting my energy anymore to worry for you, nor my other two fates. for all of you are now mature and ready to take flight. most importantly, my concerns and worries are selfish and will not be appreciated.

and then, you raise a belief beyond doubt that i should find love, and let love find me too. i did found love. i understood the meaning of love, and the even greater meaning of letting go, as part of love. i guess there comes a point in time where the greatest love prevails, allowing for me to love all of you unconditionally, instead of a selfish love.

you said i am making progress by being myself. at least, i learnt how to pick up pieces of my life and make good. i am confident of myself, and am sure of what i want. but is this true? are your observations accurate? is it because of our long separation that you no longer know me best? nevertheless, i am thankful for you, always hearing me out.

and finally, you. you took ONE tear away from me last night. that was all that i could muster. the sorrow is just too deep that it can no longer be expressed at this level. i will promise myself to be strong, and hopefully to get better rest tonight. and i guess that tear was a good warning, and here is me wishing u a happy 'relationship', iphone or not.. i may not know the entire truth, but i guess my observations and hunches may be right sometimes. even if it is not right, i am satisfied having to love you once, without you knowing or not..