birthday 2012

this post may come as a little surprise, as instead of me doing a recap of my year before my birthday, i am only doing it now. not that i am trying to break free from traditions or anything, but i just wanted to do something different, and also allowing myself some space to see things in a different light. rather than expecting anything, i just let things flow. i am not surprised by the lack of activity or events. in fact, i was hoping for none, for i have so much resentment and loathing inside, it is indescribable. probably it is for the better. at the very least, it was better than the one last year. i learnt one thing, just not to expect anything any more. whatever that i am able to dream and imagine, i know it will not come true. so, it is better not to expect. i have also learnt how not to waste my time and effort any further. at least onto certain things, it is just not worth it. you may think that you want to salvage a situation, make it better? or probably trying to be a bigger person. but somehow, it is just not worth it. i have played my part, but it certainly takes two to tango. i am done with it. scent. never know that i am able to put on something that reminds me of pain, disappointment, frustration, regret and anger. heck, at least it works for me, and i am able to tune into my dark side easily. one thing that remained constant this year... the lack of cake. haha! fantastic, isn't it? at least i don't have to waste a freaking minute seated there wondering when these ppl are gonna stop singing, and just move on. and besides, no cake = no wishes = no disappointment. i am not surprised with myself, when i know that this wish is the darkest amongst the many that i have..