After the storm..

This may probably be a last entry, as a tribute to a friend. After a long time, she still asked me about my blog, and is still trying to push me to write something new. Well, this is for you dearie, and we need to do lunch soon. I just realised that it's been more than a year since I last wrote anything here. Not that the year did past easily, but I just did not have the drive to continue writing. There were ups and there were downs. But I felt it was easier to just pass it through the night, instead of penning down (in this case, typing down) my thoughts. As usual, my thoughts are random, fickle, all over the place, and never seem the same as they pass. Before I can bring myself to this new post, I had to read the past. Boy, I was dark... a little too dark, emotionally. Not that things are any better now, but the darkness is so intense that it is hard to even see any light. Having said that, I did see the light towards the start of this year. But sadly, this light had to be put off as it was burning my hand. It is now back to the same darkness, and it will probably be that way for a long time to come. I've lost that magical feeling, and I don't think things will ever come my way again. Notable changes to this year was that I actually had a birthday cake for my birthday. After a lapse of so many years, I finally had a birthday cake. And it was a huge one to boot. Although the theme for the cake now is passe, I am thankful for the guys for pulling it together. Nevertheless, it was a heartbreaking birthday too. It was the very occasion that I had to resolve and call it quits. It put an end to a connection that was dragging me down into the drains. Thank you for those magical evenings, those wonderful moments. Thank you for the times when we did nothing, but just to idle, and listen to each other. I guess I can say that never will I ever experience someone serenading me ever again, while watching dolphins near the coast of Penang. Lastly thank you for also showing me what it takes to be a person, and a better person that is able to let go. You need to grow up, and I need to take leave. Reading previous posts, I thought I may be able to refocus energy back towards the family. But now that the family is officially broken and torn apart, there is no more need to do that. Good riddance, probably, but I'll make it through. I seal the moment, and have thrown away the key. I will not look back anymore. Ciao Ben