Affected

i couldn't believe it, but i was really really affected by my sudden loss. in fact, i couldn't get a good night's rest, as i was tossing and turning on the bed, thinking of my zen. it's gone. i have to face it... but there is still this part of me that want's it back. after all, i've shared 3 years with it... how could it leave just like that.
in fact, i couldn't really concentrate much on my day, kept on thinking about the zen. i was nearly involved in 3 accidents yesterday, while rushing to the gym to look for it. i'm lost and miserable. in fact, i think depressed suits me more.
misery loves company, so they say. and indeed it does. there's been some screw ups in my FYP, and hopefully i can overcome it. my day's a wreck. in fact, suicidal thoughts keep popping into my head. i haven't had any since last year, but today, it returned..with a vengence. i was so close to tears while i was in the shower...but somehow, not a drop was shed. i wonder how long can i hold on before i crumble. where's salvation when u need it??

ciao,
....