3 days...

3 days have come and gone. 3 days i've spent learning new things, making a difference in my life. 3 days, people were looking forward to me performing my best..
and what's at the end of 3 days??? i failed miserably.

3 days, i wore a smile. 3 days, i endured and went beyond my limits. 3 days, i've spent clearing my mind to make a difference
and what eventually happened?? i failed.

probably these 3 days have shown me my path. it got me thinking..am i right? is this my choice? perhaps it was..but am i meant for it? probably not. probably i was living in those precious illusions...and now, they are nothing but shattered pieces. it could never be perfect again...never

i never thought that it would affect me so much.. but i guess it did. i am such a disgrace. to myself,and also to the people that placed their hopes on me. possible to the trainer herself too.. i've failed them.

also, it got me thinking.. why did i fail? what was my flaw? how could others, with such apparent mistakes, could even be ahead of me?? how could others, who'd join the program just for fun, and attended only a few classes, be ahead of me....makes me wonder.. what was my flaw. perhaps, my greatest flaw is not being human enough....

i guess the truth is clear.. i'd actually seen this coming, and i should just face the fact and fade away. besides, previous conditioning of my mind has prevented me from shedding any tear.. i would so want to cry away everything..and yet, i couldn't even get a trickle...i've got nothing left...nothing inside of me. in fact, i could now say that my journey in life has ended...

probably this moment, if it ended for me...i have nothing to hold on to. no grudge, no regrets, no worries, and no hope. am wondering if the Creator will want to take me away now??? i'll be glad to leave......

ciao