Shit happens...

And so, you come to work, all jolly. spend half the morning joking about, especially on FB, even to the point of nonsensical.. and suddenly, ur head drops a bomb on you.

it seems like i'm a magnet for trouble these days. everywhere i go, everything i do, i realised that it seems wrong. does this mark the end?? how do i proceed, and where, and what?? i seriously don't know. in fact, i'm still in a muddle of confusion..

first, i tried my best to become a role model, an instructor. but when the letter came, it nearly destroyed everything that i believed in. everything that i have worked for, strived and learn, and projected, nearly came crashing in. i was on the verge of giving up, when someone picked my up and guided me back on my path..however, i did tell myself to concentrate more on my work..

and now, shit happens. when i thought i could shift all my focus on work.. jealousy and contempt boils from within. unmarked missiles were fired, and the worst case, i couldn't even stand up to defend myself. people can tell me that they understand the truth, and realise that i am not in the wrong.. but what is the point of consolation when there is no act of defending?? i don't understand. why would people fear the brazen?? the bold and the red-blooded?? and from what i heard, it was even a tit for tat..

so, i guess i've seen the solution. no, i wouldn't quit as i still have loads to go. but i think i wouldn't pay that much attention to anything that is going on around me. one thing i've learned: kindness and generosity does not beckon the same in return. in this dog-eat-dog world, i guess we all have to do everything to survive.

i think this may also indicate another phase of change, and different thoughts in me now. i feel it's time to really pay full heed into my education now.. gosh.

still writhing in the dumps.. am going back after lunch to cool off, and probably seek some solutions.

ciao