troubled..

the very thing to understand is that i have an underlying phobia of human beings and comfort. i don't get along well with fellow human beings, and there are various issue of paranoia that surfaces whenever i am around people. i think it all surfaced during my childhood years, and gradually, i had developed this sense of isolation and distance with mankind. in fact, i find it a little hard to start conversations, maintain it, or jump into another conversation.

somehow, all this have manisfested into a kind of 'flight' feeling in me. the last i had to do that, was about 3 months ago, during my birthday, when i had the compulsion to run away from everything. then, it happened again, and i did run away to another country.. i came back, thinking that it would be over.. but sadly, the fact remains. i ran again. i was a little disappointed by myself, but i guess the paranoia and fear really rang deep in my heart, and i had no option but to run.

so, in case u are reading this, i'm sorry guys, but i had to excuse myself from last night's get together.. i'll try to go on, but just give me time.

ciao