how?

little did i realise, it's been a week since i was in Hong Kong. last week, this time, i was taking chances exploring rides in Ocean Park. I have to say, it was enjoyable there, to find a theme park that is so exciting and enjoyable. what's more, i kinda like their fauna exhibits there, including the seals and the dolphins.. it's always been a dream to be able to work around/with them, and i wouldn't mind if i got an offer to be relocated to Ocean Park to work in their educational programme for marine life.

am now exploring my options in conducting my research again. after a lag of a few months, am in limbo onto how to reorientate my research to bring significance to me, the institute, and also to the general public. as my field is relatively foreign in this land, it is not easy to plan, and think of how to go about. emails to the professor is not doing much good too, as he seems a little passive about my research. i need a sign and a guide.. come on!!

how can we tell someone something so much, and yet not tell the most important thing at all? how can we know so much and yet know nothing at all?? isn't life funny that things are not revealed clearly, instead leaving us in limbo and confusion? the worst is, how can one feel so much, and yet not feel right? and then, why do we choose to see what our eyes want to see? when there is even more apparent things right in front of us waiting to be seen... i certainly need to take a break, and listen to my heart for better guidance (however, the heart can also be confusing, as it is still endowed with emotions).

looking back, i have not been kind to myself, and not being kind to anyone else. is this how it is supposed to be? or should i just let go and let loose? is this just another big mistake waiting to repeat itself? i do not want to drown in my own emotions, and yet i trust no one to confide in.. why is it so ironic??

and speaking of ironic, i have seen the person asking the most ironic person.. it's like, i want to yell out to you, and yet i couldn't do so. and then, there is the other, whom i thought i knew, and yet i don't... and then there is the one that i yearn to know, and you just keep shutting me off...i can see the 'no vacancy' sign, but couldn't you just let me in through your door?

i'm sorry for all that have transpired, and i am sorry that i have let you down. it shouldn't have surfaced, and it shouldn't have happened.. and yet it did.

just a random thought: how can a person be left in a city of lights, filled with people, seen so many faces and hear so many voices, and yet feel so alone and foreign?

my bestie was shocked, and worried, and i guess i shouldn't have put her into the trauma. don't worry, i won't do anything silly..:). but then, the cemetery in macau was kinda pretty too...hehehe.

(blogpost written while listening to Leona Lewis's Homeless, and Better in Time, hence the darker mood).

Ciao