Nilla-paduma

as i type this, i'm letting another course of vodka take its effect in my system. this time, it's neat, so i guess it'll be faster, and stronger.

another week has come and gone. ever so fast, it'll be december. time for the holidays.. time where ppl be cheerful and merry. but i'm guessing this is not the time for me.. never was, never is, and probably never will be. i just hope i have more time, than to write articles, to enrol for my studies and head back to the university.

went for a walkabout in the rain this morning, as i was doing a photo assignment at the clan jetties. a lot of random thoughts came to my mind. one of which happens to be that i don't really like being out of my comfort zone. i live by a certain set of rules, and that have guided me for a long time. but sometimes, change is just inevitable.

instead of going for the movies tonight, decided to stay in. i still wanna watch Astro Boy and Christmas Carol (in 3D!!!)hopefully i can catch all of those before new moon.. another hot hot movie. i guess it's time to go back to the dreamgirls period, as i enter another phase of development.

i've just had another 'heart to heart' talk, with a somewhat inconvenient source. somehow it doesn't seem proper and right, but i guessed i've done the damage. was asked to rank a few ppl in my life.. honestly, there are no rankings. i care for all.. especially to those that i have once held dear..

mid-week, i've realised 'nilla-paduma'. the blue lotus. no matter how murky the water is, the filth in the swamp, the lotus will always emerge, unharmed, beautiful, clean and pure. this is closely relevant... and with blue, it's a target for me to gain better 'idhi'.. i used to have some, and was subsequently clouded. hopefully, one day, i've cultivated enough idhi and prana, and i shall be free...

ok, time to retreat to my bed as the vodka is taking its effect.

btw, it's still not bringing any tears.. and this time, not even the saddest movie clip featuring dogs could make me cry anymore.. probably will need help soon.. hehe

ciao