D.I.V.A

I saw the banner to my blog. it says D.I.V.A. that stands for divine, intimidating, vain and attractive. sadly, the present me is no longer any of those persona. i am no longer what i used to be, and i can't say that i am happy being who i am now.

fate has a funny way on working on people. hence, i believe in karma. i believe that for every action, there is a reaction. probably not in this lifetime. probably from another past. but there are some ppl that i owe.. and now they are back in my life, waiting for payment. i guess how many ppl more do i have to repay before i can move on. how many people more to shatter me, break me into pieces, and turn me to waste before i am done with.

everytime i sink into a bout of depression, i feel that i am one step closer to my end. but everytime i long for the end, it will never come. will i ever come to the end of my story, to finally put a stamp on these pages, and start a different book? i've been stuck on this chapter over and over again, and i couldn't move on. every year, it gets harder on me..

how do people know my name. how do people get to know me before even allowing me to know them? why do people know me, and expect me to be great? expect me to be fantastic? expect me to become something that i am not? why? how? i want a stop.

is it ever that hard to ask for something simple? something very basic like getting you to surprise me? pick me up for dinner or a movie? take me somewhere away? being able to pay for me, and make me feel pampered? i am not asking for the sun, the moon and the stars. and yet, i get nothing in return. maybe i should ask for the sun, the moon and the stars. only then, will i see where i belong.

death. insanity. vile. agony. this star is dying, and nothing can be done to restore it. its only last wish is that it can go out with a boom...