you

you, of all people, decided to show up at this time. well, i respect human rights, but why must you be there. you could always be somewhere else, with somebody else. and yet, you showed up. right in front of me. and what does my keeper says?? go dance, and initiate conversation. you were not dancing, and you disappeared before i knew it. how would i to do the following? and futher still, i would regret it no matter what. so, let's just keep it at status quo... btw, i just have to say, you look really good tonight. ever as charming, ever as alluring, and yet, ever as far to reach as ever.
i was never born to reach your standards, i was never born to be on par with you. i was never born to be with you. then, why do you still appear to remind me of the things that i shouldn't exists for. i know, that i cease to exists, things would be so much better for so many. besides, you would never know nor care that whether i exists or not. i am never in your radar..
typing this tonight is really hard, as i am really drunk. i have doused myself crazy with the wine from the club, and add on those that i took from home, it is insane. well, i am longing for this sensation. at least, it takes me away from everything. let me lead a carry free life, whereby all worries and sorrow is gone, replaced by a half sober mind. at least, you are the last thing in my mind before i pass...

i should have seen what i was... the butt of jokes. i should have stayed by a sudden epiphany that i shouldn't go for gatherings involving more than 4 ppl. probably, that will keep me sane. i am not myself. i don't wanna be who i am today!! i wanna die.... i wanna let go of everything and move on. nothing is worth cherishing every moment. every moment is a burden for me... i just wanna pass on.. whereby things will be better, hopefully.

guess i will still become the wallflower that i ever will be. never seen. never known, i will forever be the one that is despised, that is overlooked, that is ignored, and that is shadow. no matter how much i climb into the limelight, i fall short of reaching the destination, for darkness finds it easier to stand in between me and whatever i want.

what's the point of looking good?? what's the point of dressing up? what's the point of putting the effort to look a little better, when all you end up is misery?? this world is only meant for certain people, and i certainly am not in the list. you look good, no matter what you put on and what you do. you are perfect, and i'd wish you that you would notice me. but no.... hahaha, silly dreams!! teenage dreams that shouldn't have happened
again, why YOU!! YOU, of all people, should be there. you!! you!! i don't know to love you or to hate you!! but you!! you are the cause of my misery tonight, and yet you will never know...YOU WILL NEVER KNOW..
these tears are for you. thank you, and you are most welcomed.. you, the one that will never know