15 seconds of fame...so what

so, what is done is done. i've played my part in this masterpiece. it may be great, it may be a disaster, but it's done. it may be a great moment, but it may also be a moment that mark my fall..as i am blinded by the flash lights, i shall step into the very hole that will mark my end. i think it's just fine that i shall return to my roots, and just stay under the radar. i just cannot see myself doing it again...

i guess it's probably the right time now to do some soul searching. for the past few weeks, i'm really lost and confused. i've done many things that i normally wouldn't do, said one too many things, and allowed my thoughts to be heard. in fact, thoughts are slipping off my mouth without any barrier. i wonder what have happened. it occurred online, it occurred in reality. maybe i've left my guard down for too long. people are getting to know me...and that is dangerous.

a soul searching is also due as i really have to sort out my wires. i think it's high time to think about my future, and what i really want. will i be working, will i be studying? i wonder. i just have no idea what to do, and there is not enough help and signs from the surrounding to help me going.

i think i need to reevaluate my priorities too.. sometimes, it feels like i'm obliged to do certain things, but yet, i have no commitments to that. is that what i wanted to do? do i have to do it? i just don't know..

besides, i also need to sort out my non-existant love life. some times, i don't think it's not there, just that i don't make use of the oppurtunity. other times, i just feel like it's a total waste of time. it's getting me nowhere and leaving me miserable, alone, and scarred. u may think that these scars are just some scath on the surface, but trust me, the moment i start developing feelings, it goes deep down into the soul.

ironic moments seem to invade my life. it's like the fates laughing and teasing me on how my life is unworthy and crazy. these ridiculous situations, funny and yet it hurts at the same time.. must i go through all these? can't i just walk off from this stage of life decently? i dunno.

well, guess i'll have to cool off, and probably tune off for a while to really sort out my life. there was once when i did that and i turned into a zombie (in form 5). hopefully, i'm more mature this time, and will get things sorted before they consume me from the inside. i'm guessing that the books that i've bought a couple of days ago will help me in my journey to search and rearrange my soul again.

probably won't blog for a while, so..enjoy yourself, and stay safe.

ciao
je t'aime
ben

will be back soon, hopefully