crystal

well, i'm back. after the one week hiatus, i'm back again. i guess the break was good, as i got to re-evaulate a hell lots of things, and kinda sort certain things out. besides, i've got to finish two books, am and now starting the third book. i sure need to hunt for more books to read for leisure.

even so, it's been an emotional turmoil for me, as i had another 'roller-coaster' mood throughout the week. at a certain point, i was really really happy, another time, i was really sad. then i was pissed also.. especially towards the end of the week. many things precipitated, and it got to me. but i think i am fine now.. neutral

for starters, i think i'm going to work while studying for my masters. yes, i may take up a part-time masters degree. and at the same time, i need a job. i just can't sit around idle, and money doesn't grow on trees. besides, i really need some cash to fulfill certain ideals of mine. i think i may even considering working a couple of jobs..if time and energy permits.

next, my take on relationships. friendship or intimate ones, i think i should start keeping my distance, and heck, may even rebuild the wall that i once had. no one is to be trusted. no one deserves to be loved anymore. not even the ones closest to myself. heck, even family can't be trusted, or loved that much anymore. i am now really anticipating the moment when i am emancipated, and may be on my own. all alone.

i've also come to the conclusion that i should start to silence myself. probably, it's the best way to reduce contact with the world. that way, no one will get hurt. and i'll remain safe as my thoughts will no longer be accessible..haha.

fame and fortune has eluded me. time to me to get grounded and stare reality in the face. some say reality is what u make of it, but there are times when circumstances makes the man. i am not marked to the world to know me..i am not marked to be honoured and worshipped by the world. so, it's best for me to retire into my little alcove and do what is best for me..staying far from the radar. as far as possible.

went clubbing last night, as a final test to confirm my thoughts. and yes, i finally realised that i have no doings in the club, and yesterday shall mark the end of my clubbing days. although i may seem to have fun, still, things are just not meant to be. some things just will not leave the comfort zone, and there is just no point for me to push furter. therefore, i think i shall just return to the guy that i once used to be..

guess that's all for tonight.. i shall return to my book.. fantasy may lead us to paths that we never imagine we could travel.. and yet, we remain safe and sound in our humble abode. as usual, i am travelling back in time again..allowing the moment to enrich my knowledge and experience.. and showing me lovely things from an ancient world.

until then, goodbye

ciao
je t'aime
ben

p.s. celine rescheduled her concert due to respiratory problems. i pray that she'll be fine and put on a good show.. and also hopefully my air ticket could be transferred according to the new dates.