a new day

- i was waiting for so long, for a miracle to come. everyone told me to be strong. Hold on, and don't shed a tear.- a new day, celine dion (2002)

this phrase is just apt for my current condition. i was listening to her again this evening, and i have never been so connected to the song as today. although i've listened to this album and this song over and over again, this phrase came at the right time, telling me to hold on.

i am still stuck in the lab again, working until the break of dawn. luckily for tonight, i mananged to spend the fisrt half of the night with an old friend, hence it wasn't that bad. even managed to squeeze half an hour of mamak into my schedule. had a roti canai (i hear u guys yelling: calories!!) but i guess that will help me stay awake through the night.

met my supervisor this afternoon, and was given a lecture on my thesis. apparently, my lit. review isn't that impressive (only 8 pages), and my work was shoddy. guess i trimmed to much, trying to be as concise as ever. also, i lack proper resources to really write what i want to. it's not that i haven't been doing my homework (my other tabs are linked to some journals now), but i just don't see any work done regarding patin fish. what am i to write when i have no resources. excuses, i try not to make them. but there are times when my body, mind and soul is just so tired that i just wanna escape from all this..

somehow, today also got me thinking of a few what ifs... what if i have taken the scholarship to australia 3 years back.. would things be better? would i have to work like an ass here?? or what if i had gone to study psychology in some private college instead. will it be easier for me? i don't have to face all this shit..or what if i had asked to change my supervisor instead of just giving in into luck and fate?? ah, so many what ifs. but i guess it's too late to ponder on this. i'll just move forward, and await the new dawn. a better day. a new day.

- let the rain come down and wash away my tears. let it fill my soul and drown my fears. let it shatter the walls, for a new sun. a new day has come.-

ciao
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ben