The Office

I guess this is the best situation that can happen in one's office:
1. I have no more work to do, and am now waiting for the day to be over
2. There is basically 4 of us left in the office, each occupying each room..isn't this the best environment??
3. I am off for the next 5 days...yay..haha. yup, thanks to hari raya aidilfitri. what more could i ask for??

hehe.

but then again:
1. Weather is driving me nuts... it's been raining non stop for the past 2 days... ish, i hate the rain, especially when i am wearing my lovely pair of dress shoes...
2. I have half a class to teach on Thursday evening... that means i can't really do 90 minutes of jam. i guess i have to settle for 1 hour. besides, i haven't decide on what tracks to teach on thursday.
3. Weird chills sees me wearing a sweater atop my work wear.. love the new fashion, hate the lack of attention. haha. there is no one in the office to admire it...
4. Couldn't find the nike ipod pouch that i wanted so that i can keep the microphone during my classes.. ish. worst, i couldn't even find it online.
5. Am dreading the traffic for the next few days.. the festive season, the rain, the flash floods.. haih

but still:
1. moody...the cause shall not be revealed. however, i can sense the return of the hardened heart..haha.
2. we welcome back the return of spikymuffin...something must have went wrong somewhere.
3. am dreading the gym. i actually turned away from the gym to head home instead yesterday.. if this goes on, i guess i shall be out from the gym come the new year.
4. am dreading the coming saturdays...not sure if i could stick to the present routine. i guess it's hard for me now...
5. i wanna watch mamma mia! again, and probably wanna watch the musical when it hits KL

and then, there is:
1. bought 2 tank tops from prangin (of all places) last weekend...guess the shopaholic is still in me...
2. forgotten to head over to parkson to check out the sale last weekend.. probably go tomorrow, since i will be attending a friend's open house.
3. i wanna make egg custard..been dying to have that...


in conclusion:
1. more shopping
2. more sleeping (sleeping cures my depression and agony)
3. more reading (slap me cos i'm reading twilight by stephanie myer)
4. no more movies (probably, since the movie season ended)
5. no more saturday night outings (should put a stop, just like my friday nights)
6. may probably hit the clubs over the holidays (time to get over things, and face the darkness)..

ok, enough for now.

ciao
ben

Sick

Just some random thoughts:

Some ppl just have so much time on their hands that what they do just makes u feel so sick....

why do i see parallel of anime and real life??

songs that sings one's life and emotions: pathetic

ppl who lead their life with songs: more pathetic

Sale in Parkson!! up to 70%...

Must get new skin care range...even though i'm burning holes in my wallet!!

Week review..

Another week has gone by without any postings..hehe. i know i keep on apologising for the delay in blogging, but i guess sometimes, i just run out of things to blog about.

Anyway, here are some interesting things which happened:

1. Malaysia politics have gone haywire. People were anticipating, and some even afraid to go to work or carry on with their daily activities on Sept 16th. Eventually, nothing happened and ppl have called Anwar a bluff.. i wonder, will he ever take over the govt??

2. Malaysia laws went haywire..hehe. the home ministry used the ISA against 3 ppl (Tan Cheng Hoon, Teresa Kok and Raja Petra). so far, 2 have been released, leaving Raja Petra under the ISA..seriously, that law is not supposed to be invoked just like that. well, i guess they could include the detention of Ms Tan in the M'sian Book of Records for being held under ISA for the shortest term (18 hours). anyway, the main culprits were not detained, charged or prosecuted...(lovely laws m'sia have)..
btw...i did sign the petition to release teresa kok, k!!

On more personal matters:

1. Congratulations to Lav for graduating.. it's amazing that she didn't even remind me. anyway, hope she loves the teddy bear that we got her...haha

2. Watched 'The Other Boleyn Girl' on tuesday (decided to skip gym due to bad mood)..really nice. i can't really describe how nice it was.. and natalie portman is really good as anne boleyn. first time watching Scarlett Johannson, and i dare say, not bad..

3. Went for sneak preview of Mamma mia.. and boy, i love the musical. it was a pity that i couldn't get the tickets to watch the musical in west end the last time, hence catching the movie was superb. anyway, i may even consider going down to KL for the musical at the end of the year. but before that, probably i may watch the movie again, and probably get the dvd.. hehe.

4. Attended a friend's wedding last friday. gosh, the wedding was pathetic. enough said. in fact, after dinner plans were better as we finished a bottle of jack daniels..and gambled a little. anyway, 5 shots of JD and i am still sober..woohoo!!! as to the matter of when will i be married....i have the answer: NEVER!! haha

5. Insults and false hope surround my now-pathetic 'love life'... haha. firstly, i was told that i radiate the 'queer' vibe. gosh.. how could that be? now i am insulted. and probably my ears weren't doing me justice over the week... false hopes of being in an open relationship..blah. that won't work. i guess jealousy and insecurity will consume me faster if i ever get into an open relationship.. haha.
of sacrifice, i guess i have done too much.. time to back down a little as i am being unappreciated..

ok, enough for now. wanna get back to work

ciao

ben

Post 144

Yes, i am finally lost for a title to put in my blog. not that i don't wanna put, just that i am not sure what to put as my blogs are usually messed up...(reflective of my thoughts)

Firstly, my deepest apologies to Alan cos somehow, he's influenced to write like me (i may sound morbid at times)!! it wasn't my intention to channel my 'emo' feel to others. besides, u ppl are not going through what i am going through.. anyway, i don't have happy preppy words to cheer one up, therefore, i'm sorry.

Just a matter of thought. the political landscape in Malaysia, especially in Penang, has been changing drastically for the past few months. during march 8th, we were actually worried if there's a repetition of may 13th incident. thankfully, malaysians have matured...or have we?? lately, a certain politician have been instigating racial remarks, testing the racial sentiments of the present community, creating discord. if this prolongs, sooner or later, the ghost of may13th will return....and worst still, i'll be the first to be killed, cos i am neither chinese, nor am i a malay..haih.

Am occupying myself with work now. am figuring out budgets, costs, planning and services to keep myself away from hurtful thoughts. should take a cue from the love guru....stop hitting yourself!! stop hitting yourself!! why are u still hitting yourself!!..

speaking of love guru...it's definitely worth a watch, especially when in depression period. it really took my mind of matters, just having 2 hours of laughter and all in the cinema. it started of rather slow, and took a while to tickle the audience, but the love guru was really funny. check out the few other funny parts like justin timberlake singing a celine dion song...and the faux celine dion.. gosh, this movie is a must watch for celine dion fans.. hahaha

am supposed to teach bodybalance this coming sunday. was initially excited, but somehow, as i was lying down to sleep last night, i thought i should just bail out of it and hand it over to joa. probably she could be a better instructor than me, and she needs all the practise too, considering that she should be getting a class anytime soon....

now, i think i should be accustomed to playing second fiddle, being the ugly duckling, being alone, and returning as the ice queen.. i guess this is what i am..hahaha

ok, enough for this random post.

GO WATCH LOVE GURU!!!

ciao
Ben

Hesitation

Am hesitating to go to the gym for the past few days..hehe. ever since i came back from KL, been wanting to avoid gym. and now, i am even planning my work to finish slightly later so that i don't have to be in the gym, and also planning to stay for a shorter time period there. probably i'll go for step class, then work on my chest and disappear back into my hiding hole...

what's worse, my hiding whole isn't exactly comforting either. just that there are ample pillows and bolster to shelter me from the world. am missing my big throw pillow.. cos it was really really comfortable to hide there.

i guess angels are really here in desperate times. ever since i spilled my thoughts in the blog, certain things have changed, and there are people coming to talk to me on various issues. firstly, i've just got a pay raise.. just a mere 16.67% from my current salary. then, janis wants me to cover a class for her on sunday, 14th sept. what was more surprising was that i person that i only met for the first time yesterday was pushing me to further my studies. are these signs and signals telling me to move on????

anyway, will try to put all these issues to the back of my head and maintain the current situation. guess i shall now channel more energy to my work. i have a whole forum to host tomorrow morning, budget to prepare after i blog, things to do...probably it'll take my mind off things.

guess that's all for now.. gonna make myself a nice cup of green tea (suggested in alan's blog) as i will be facing the computer the whole day..haha.

ciao
ben

Quitting

Well well, i'm back from my 'holiday' of 4 days and 3 nites in KL, plus another day of rest at home.. was it good?? i wonder. all i know was that there were loads of driving, loads of sore back and aching neck, a workshop to attend, and loads of tension...yes, this holiday is so tensed that i don't really think i enjoyed it..

anyway, went for my first quarterly session. it was great to finally see so many friends, and also my trainer (riyo) and kylie gates. was also happy to do body jam and body balance way ahead before the new launch..hehe. sadly i have to give body step a pass as i wanted to conserve energy for body jam. am glad that latin flava is back..woohoo!!! body balance...hmm....easier than usual.

just saw that i was tagged in a photo from osman's facebook for the quarterly. so not flattering, so horrible, and looks like i was high on drugs or something like that. and you wonder why i don't fancy being in pictures...

as for the title to this post.. the faux 'vacation' seemed to gave me some insights to things that should probably start considering at this point of my life...
1. probably i should call it quits with body balance. i think i should stay until the launch of release 42, and then stop being an instructor and just attend classes.
2. thought of quitting the gym too..high time to hang up my dancing shoes, my sweat pants and all, and just try to pick up the pieces of my life.
3. thought of quitting my job. not that i don't love it, but there is this part that wants to leave everything and do the impossible.. am considering either to be a monk, or just doing nothing..
4. thought of quitting penang, look for a new place and start over, hoping that mistakes obtained here will not be repeated
5. thought of quitting my personality. i'm sick and tired of being mr nice guy. i wonder whatever happened to the old bitch that used to be in me.. where is that person hiding now?? besides, i think i need to step into the dark side..even considered pimping myself.. just for the satisfaction of it.
6. lastly, thought of quitting my life.

enough said for this morbid morning. let's just hope that i pick up the pieces, maintain status quo, and move on.

ciao