The Greatest Challenge

I finally realised what is the greatest challenge i have to face in the coming months: I have to save up and stop spending.

It finally struck me when I went to Prangin Mall for lunch, and was so tempted to get some clothes..However, I had to walk away, and it wasn't easy for me to do that..

I guess time and patience granted on me will give me greater boon in the near future.

quarterly 1/09

so, last sunday was hell of a day for me, as i had a 'whirlwind tour' of KL to attend the super workshop for 2009. flying in and out of KL is amazing, but probably the timing is just too long, for i took the first flight in and the last flight out.

quarterly 1/09- amazing, crowded... and i guess that's all i felt for the day. however, i really enjoyed doing bodyvive, and am so inspired by tracy. she's simply amazing as an instructor/presenter.. wow. and of course, seeing riyo on the stage for balance..so cute!! but i guess ben doesn't really belong there.. as for jam.. same old, same old..arnold and fetty. this is the second time i'm seeing them, fun..yes. amazed..probably not. however, am really delighted to know that they brought back 'diva-ness' into the jive track. it's simply beautiful..(not too keen on the songs, though).

aquaria klcc- apart from attending the workshop, also spent some time in aquaria klcc. first time there, and am quite impressed with the collection. however, some of the labels are just not accurate and doesn't provide much information. things that are worth mentioning including the pygmy marmoset (such adorable creatures), those huge arapaimas, large nurse sharks, black-tip reef sharks and leopard shark. am also impressed with the skates and rays collection, but would be even more amazed had they managed to get a manta ray. am a little disappointed with the snakes, amphibians and turtle collection. they only had chelonia and erytmochelys.. hmm..
oo.. did see some nautili.. am so facinated by these creatures.. really hope to see them in the wild.

speaking of wild, i just can't help but to feel like i want to return to the wild. going back into the sea... or headed into some jungles or forest. in fact, i plan to take 2 days off in may, and find some secluded spot for my retreat. am toying with a few ideas like camping, bungalow stay, or probably staying in a hotel somewhere. i wouldn't mind camping on monkey beach once again... hahah. or probably head to south view of a bungalow stay (alone!! with friends from spiritual world.. haha) or probably just head over to bellevue for a night.

apparently (according to my bestie), i don't handle situations well and would want to escape from it all, but becoming anti-social, retreating into my little world, and turning hostile.. according to her, i've done this several times, and am doing it again..wonder if she's right??

was reading a certain blog just now, and just realised how personalities can differ so much virtually and in reality. was surprised, and confused..btw, am also suffering from a bout of confusion and attention deficit disorder, as i am fatigued inside out, and it's apparent on my face. wonder how am i gonna survive until after work??

ok, signing off to the real world again.

ciao
ben

for those searching for heroes, look within thyself first!!!(inspired from the song from bodyattack)

Typically random!!

A provoking thought i happen to come across last sunday, when i was up on Penang Hill:

' Ben, you are very ignorant and heartless'

guess i'm happy and proud to wear that tag around now!!

Woohoo!! Ignorant and Heartless!!!

no me ames...

i think i may have used the title above, but what the heck.. it clearly describes what i'm thinking, and also what i want. ok, apart from the obvious reasons that it's a song by JLo and Marc Anthony, the lyrics are so meaningful, and beautiful..

to all lovebirds out there, happy valentine's day.. but seriously, do you really have to show your love on only this day?? to me, if a person really loves somebody, then everyday is valentine's! feb 14th is just a pathetic reason for florist, candy shop and what-nots to boost their sales...

amazingly, i've never really given any thoughts for this day, until last night, when i was about to sleep. actually, i see this day as a 'day for decisions'. well, if you've been an avid reader of this blog, or you know me, then you would have known that i've sworn off love and whatever that's related to it. however, i had this thought that if i managed to engage someone for dinner, then probably i would allow myself to take a chance at this thing called love.. probably it's a blessing, i don't know, but the dinner didn't happen.. and know i am sure of what i want. I want to be remain where i am today, never to budge from my determination anymore. I've finally resolved to close my heart and soul to whatever that's called love.. call me crazy or silly, but i honestly belive this is what the powers that be would want. haha.

so, even though i may like, adore or feel comfortable around people, there is no way that i am going to fall in love, or engage in a relationship with them. and all i ask for in return is..no me ames

wow.. that much for an emotional outburst. in fact, deep down, i think i'm reduced to tears.. but then, you will never see it wet my cheeks. haha. but then, i seem to be a little uptight emotionally... almost bursting to tears watching 'ghost whisperer season 4', or even listening to JLo making a tribute to Selena.. gosh, what have gotten into me..

ciao

birthdays?

15 days had passed, and it's the end of the chinese new year celebration. For me, it's not exactly a grand do, but it's also not exactly a new year that i can forget. Compared to the person that i was many years ago, i've toned down by leaps and bounds. in fact, i do not look forward for chinese new year as much now.. [heck, i look forwards to nothing now].

apart from celebrating the end of the new year (which was nothing), we also celebrated alan's birthday last night. it was such wonder to see the surprise on his face, and seeing him so happy on the night itself. the dinner, the presents and presence (quote unquote from the b'day boy) and the two lovely cakes. being able to celebrate with him also generated another thought of mine... that i should avoid doing anything this year. in fact, i should just run away, take a vacation, go somewhere and avoid all these.. i should have severed all connections, turn off my phone and the internet and all, and go MIA for the day (or two).

today seemed a little weird for me, as i'm bowled over by a flurry of emotions. probably it's just me being me, but i somehow can't explain what i am feeling now. earlier, about noon, i was so happy, jumping on my chair, rejoicing on the fact that my ticket to hong kong has been booked. the euphoria was so much that i even agreed for a bangkok trip soon..

however, i think it died down a moment ago, and got me thinking and relooking my thoughts. why am i so happy?? should i be so happy?? and what is wrong with me??
even the very fact that my boss just informed me that he'll revise my pay (doubling the increment), i still couldn't share the happiness. heck, something must be really wrong with me...

anyway, i guess that's all for now. btw, go watch red cliff 2, if u love ancient china history. it's really really nice, and takeshi kaneshiro is simply awesome in it.. superb effects too, and great closure to the first part.

adieu
ben

sees the light

This is gonna be a really short note on a certain epiphany.

Over the Chinese New Year holidays, I had a lot of time to ponder on certain decisions of mine, especially on relationships and love. Blessed were the friend(s) that were there to remind me and got me thinking... and somewhere nearing the end, i kinda had a compromise with myself. Instead of going cold turkey, and hardening my heart forever, i kinda agree to seek my own happiness once those around me have found theirs..

However, after giving much thought to this compromise (coupled with some objective evaluation), i have to agree that this compromise is wrong. i was hasty in deciding, and opening up such an avenue for love. It's better to stay off forever than to open up a possible avenue. therefore, i've seen the light. i shall not abide to the compromise, and instead, resume to become who i have set to be ... loveless.

-end-