how?

little did i realise, it's been a week since i was in Hong Kong. last week, this time, i was taking chances exploring rides in Ocean Park. I have to say, it was enjoyable there, to find a theme park that is so exciting and enjoyable. what's more, i kinda like their fauna exhibits there, including the seals and the dolphins.. it's always been a dream to be able to work around/with them, and i wouldn't mind if i got an offer to be relocated to Ocean Park to work in their educational programme for marine life.

am now exploring my options in conducting my research again. after a lag of a few months, am in limbo onto how to reorientate my research to bring significance to me, the institute, and also to the general public. as my field is relatively foreign in this land, it is not easy to plan, and think of how to go about. emails to the professor is not doing much good too, as he seems a little passive about my research. i need a sign and a guide.. come on!!

how can we tell someone something so much, and yet not tell the most important thing at all? how can we know so much and yet know nothing at all?? isn't life funny that things are not revealed clearly, instead leaving us in limbo and confusion? the worst is, how can one feel so much, and yet not feel right? and then, why do we choose to see what our eyes want to see? when there is even more apparent things right in front of us waiting to be seen... i certainly need to take a break, and listen to my heart for better guidance (however, the heart can also be confusing, as it is still endowed with emotions).

looking back, i have not been kind to myself, and not being kind to anyone else. is this how it is supposed to be? or should i just let go and let loose? is this just another big mistake waiting to repeat itself? i do not want to drown in my own emotions, and yet i trust no one to confide in.. why is it so ironic??

and speaking of ironic, i have seen the person asking the most ironic person.. it's like, i want to yell out to you, and yet i couldn't do so. and then, there is the other, whom i thought i knew, and yet i don't... and then there is the one that i yearn to know, and you just keep shutting me off...i can see the 'no vacancy' sign, but couldn't you just let me in through your door?

i'm sorry for all that have transpired, and i am sorry that i have let you down. it shouldn't have surfaced, and it shouldn't have happened.. and yet it did.

just a random thought: how can a person be left in a city of lights, filled with people, seen so many faces and hear so many voices, and yet feel so alone and foreign?

my bestie was shocked, and worried, and i guess i shouldn't have put her into the trauma. don't worry, i won't do anything silly..:). but then, the cemetery in macau was kinda pretty too...hehehe.

(blogpost written while listening to Leona Lewis's Homeless, and Better in Time, hence the darker mood).

Ciao

back again

after spending 6 days in Hong Kong and Macau, i am finally back. however, am really sorry that i didn't blog immediately, as i was caught up with work, and also trying to get back with life. it's back to reality now (not that hong kong was any bliss.. haha)

going on this trip has left me with many confusion, and probably it is not the most relaxing trip that i have been to. on one hand, i am really happy and enjoyed myself, but there is also a great sense of disappointment and frustration.

i do wonder, what if i have chosen to stay put instead of going on that trip. had i chosen that choice, will it be better? will i be in a better state? i guess what is done is done.. i wasn't strong enough to say no, and i wasn't strong enough to follow the deeper voice of my heart.

i guess i'll probably start off with the happy parts. for one, i managed to cover a lot in Hong Kong (but not all). being the seasoned traveller, it is no surprise that i can manage it well despite it being my first time. as mentioned, i hate to be the leader, and i wasn't pleased with leading.. so, this may be the first and last time that i am doing it. should there be another trip again, i shall not do the planning, nor the leading. maybe i'll just take the back seat and just be the average tourist.

most of us did shop a lot, but for once, i didn't do that much shopping as expected. for once, i could not bring myself to splurge.. probably i was worried of the excess luggage thing.. and then, there was the point in me that got so confused with so many different things that eventually, i just didn't bother. then, when it was time to be at the greatest shopping mall of Hong Kong, i just lost all interest and went back to the hotel to rest instead.

i do have to admit, i did have a great time in ocean park. it was fun, but sometimes, queues could be outrageously long. pity that we had to give the halloween bash a miss. if only we could have done that too.. then certainly, it would be a much more memorable occassion.

then, there was the comparison between hong kong and kowloon, and hong kong and macao. personally, i really love the island compared to kowloon. there is a certain charm on the island, and also the lovely houses on the peak.. but then, macao is a different world altogether that i do wish that i can call my own there. i have to say, the gambling strip and the waterfront seemed a little fake, but in places such as taipa and coloane, it is really beautiful.

one of the quirkiest thing that i did during this trip was to actually went to seek the oracle, and had my palm read. it all came as a coincidence, as i didn't really want to seek the oracle. however, as if a natural force came into play, i actually seeked the sticks, and got it read. well, it was not too bad an oracle, but i have my reservations. had my palm read, and was told quite a number of things. i guess there are certain points that i will have to believe cos it was true... but i guess i am not trusting all. will probably update the oracle and the palm reading soon.

had actually planned to write another part of the phoenix saga here, but i guess my inspirations were limited again, and this has officially become a travel-ranting post.

will write a little more on my dark side/thoughts about the trip too, soon...

last but not least, thank to all... and thank you so much for opening my eyes again. i looked, but i didn't see.. now that i have used my heart, i finally understand.

ciao

[Q]

246: Flying

This post is written shortly before leaving for Hong Kong/Macau. Finally, the day has come. I've been planning, and saving for this for the past 8 months, and the moment has arrived for me, to finally be able to travel to Hong Kong. I dare say, this trip is slightly more meaningful to me, as it is fully funded my myself, and everything is paid for by myself.. even though there are some set backs,and some play-offs, i guess i have to look beyond that, and just plan to have a good time there. after all, i have travelled london city alone so many times, what is hong kong to me?

did my theme class last night. although the class wasn't as full as the other theme classes, i was still very proud of myself. i managed to bring the class to another level all together, and it was one of the best moments that i have managed to achieve like, since i started teaching. i hope i did make a change, but even if i didn't, at least i know i did a good class.

there may be things that i may be mistaken, and i think it's silly to assume. i guess the old adage that assuming makes an ass out of you and me seems a little true. probably it is not what it seems, or people's mask can be just so amazing that i cannot see through.

then, there are things which i have witnessed, and think i am right. certainly, it should be a good thing, but i guess goodness doesn't really come to me often. and certainly not this time. however, i don't hope to see any denial, and if only we could live by the truth. what is the point of looking so far, when the close faults are ignored .

anyway, am leaving now for my flight.. until next time.

ciao

Wild Child??

So, clubbing wasn't that bad.. in fact,it's good to be back in the scene once in a while (albeit, it's already been almost a year). At least, i know that i still have what it takes, and also what i have. But, is it really great? Should i give myself a chance?? hahaha... not sure.. haha (hmm, probably next time?? haha)

leaving to hong kong and macau in 3 days time. all the planning is near completion. however, i do pray that everything will turn out fine. after all, i am a magnet for murphy's law. things will somehow find a way to go out of plan, and i certainly hope that it wouldn't happen.

speaking of planning.. somehow, again and again ,i've been thrust into the position of leader/secretary/planner.. is this really my job? can i not lead for once? instead, just have fun and enjoy? i don't want to constantly take notes for everything, including my vacation. let's just hope that this won't happen again..

again on planning, but on another subject, i do kinda feel like i've been sabotaged. i mean, come on.. i have worked on it, and want it to be a bang..but do u really have to do it? do you really have to sabotage me just to impress ur ppl?

am running out of writing juice to do up the articles for my work. i may have some ideas, and will look for a way to pen my ideas down, but i still don't have the flair and the muse to link those thoughts together... even writing this post is difficult. probably i'm still tired...

will write again soon.

ciao

Exposed...

Now that the House of [Q] have been exposed, i am not sure if it still safe to pen my thoughts here anymore. one side of me tell me it's ok, because this is my inner thoughts and feelings, but there is still another side of me, which is a little apprehensive. somepart which is still unsure, and worried if i should be read like an open book.

all this while, i managed to keep a good job separating work from social, and from personal.. but i do wonder.. is it even possible to amalgate them, or should i draw the border properly?? i think i need a sign..

am going clubbing tonight. after staying off the scene for about a year, it's time to leave everything behind, and start all over again. i've come to realised that i shouldn't be so conservative, and so stubborn. probably it's ingrained into me, but should i remain so?? time to let go, and enjoy.

now, just hope and pray that it's an innocent night, and i won't turn into a wild child, and get drunk..

enough for now,a m about to leave. waiting for my ride :)...c'est la vie

ciao

question: answer

i have been missing from blogosphere for quite a few days already. mainly, due to work commitments, and also a certain obsession with facebook. instead, i find myself spending more and more time on facebook, officially becoming a facebook addict.

just had a couple of interesting moments in my life. being able to emcee an international conference is like a dream come true. being able to be recognized by so many ppl,and showered with compliments, simply amazing. seriously, i think i should start considering a career switch to doing emcee gigs instead. however, i do feel a little embarrassed that ppl would actually compliment me so much on my skills. firstly because i am not professional, and my command of the english language is not that superb too.. i guess it was sheer luck that i do not stammer, or freak out on stage or something..

the next most amazing thing, is to attend the UNESCO declaration ceremony on Suffolk House as a heritage site. it is not a ceremony to be missed, and simply amazing. being amongst the who's who in the cultural and heritage circle.. and being recognised and acknowledge. heck.. wonderful.

as usual, a lot of questions will pop up, coupled with a lot of answers that needs to be sought and understood. but i guess i'll just let it pass. eventually, the questions will be answered naturally, and when it does, it is too late, and i guess i don't want to question it any further.

about being played out, i guess ihave to accept the fact, and move along with it. not that i am happy with it, but i guess i should complain. cos there is no way to change it, and no one will understand. and basically, i was the one that wasn't exactly playing my cards well, and lost them all..or did i? only time will tell.

te amo

firstly, i am really sorry that i failed to continue the phoenix saga. not that it's coming to an end, but i just don't have the means to convey the story properly, and am lost for inspiration. will need to look for my muse soon.. te amo.

something i've learnt. good things not necessarily begets good. in fact, too many good deeds will lead to evil things. again and again, i fall. again and again, i try to crawl my way up. however, i shall steel myself, and go on soldiering on.

i've also just realised that i've been outplayed again. probably i'll just bite the bullet, and just go on.. te amo. to finally learn to love again, it's good.. haha.

ciao
te amo

another rainbow trip..

seems like, i just did another rainbow tour aka eva peron.. haha. but it's just not that glamorous, and not that widely publicised. but then, everything seemed well. in fact, it felt so good that i could almost feel it in my veins. let's hope that it is as what i want, and what i hope for.

things are starting to get busier from this juncture. even so, will i be able to bear and cope with all the burden??

i finally know where to find the strength, as i have already made peace :)

ciao