Paradox

it has been a week since i last posted something here. however, not much have been changed in the past week. work is still crazy, and in fact, have gotten so hectic that i finally have homework. i actually brought back materials to write 2 articles over the weekend. however, a day and night have paseed, and i have yet to write a single word for my article. probably i'm just a little too tired and exhausted to work my brain. some may think that i just came back from a holiday and should be all charged up to perform, but i guess they don't know the stories/drama/action behind the holidays.

being expressive. being dramatic. being brash and outspoken. but that doesn't mean that i come from drama school, does it? in these couple of weeks, i've been mistaken for about 3 times that i come from drama school, or have performing arts as my background. now, am i supposed to be flattered or offended? i dunno.

somehow, spilling my thoughts and emotions to ppl closest to me is starting to have its reflex action. i am now starting to feel insecure again. starting to worry about views, judgements and words. however, i can't seem to control myself and keep on blabbering... even spilling out previous demons in the closet such as my many suicide attempts over the years.. sorry, i don't mean to shock you, but trust me.. i survived about 4 or 5, and many more of those thoughts.

was recently reminded by a friend the reason i wear a ring on my left first finger. thank you so much before i become another person that is dangerous. will stick on with the ring, and am not sure when it will come off. probably when the time is right... someday.

just a hypothetical situation: you are eating a nice plate of pot roast, and you are nearly full. the meat was succulent and tender, and everything was just right. somehow or other, suddenly, you are being served a plate of meatballs spaghetti. what would you do? do you reject it? or do you eat it up? what if the spaghetti is really really delicious? but will the cheese make you sick? i dunno.. pray tell.

life is such a paradox. sometimes, i do wonder how i get along with it..

i have seen, learnt and understand. it wouldn't have happened if it wasn't real and true. and now that i have seen it. it's time to just....walk away, or can i?

am gaga-fied. and after finding out the meaning behind the song of bad romance, it resonates so badly with me.. and i am really loving it. i do wonder, though.. where did gaga get her dresses. weird, quirky and yet so amazing. she's an inspiration.

think i'll cut down on some drinking now. should really pay attention to my health and also my resources. don't think my digestive system can take that much alcohol, and not when i have bad gastric history (back in the past week again)..hmm

signing off now