Raining..

gosh, it's been raining for the whole day. really brought me down to the dumps. i don't know what is wrong with me, but this sick feeling is really bringing me down. maybe it's the weather, maybe it's me project, or maybe it's my hormones (guys have hormonal fluctuations too). i just don't know...

actually, my project is nearing completion. i've already written half of my thesis.. now, all's left is my fatty acid analysis, and also to write my results and discussion. wish me luck so that i can get it done before the deadline.

i guess the rain also dampen my spirits in whole. i didn't do much today, except to attend a mis-informed class (at 10). then, i decided not to go for class at 2. what's worse, i didn't even bother going to the gym. there's 90 minutes of yoga (my fav), but i just didn't bother. eventually, i ended up taking a long nap from 3 to 6. even so, i can still feel the lethargy in my bones now.

emotionwise, it is still in turmoil. i thought i had clear signs. really clear signs. but my heart wouldn't listen. it's causing me hurt, and the timing is bad as i really wanna focus on my studies. i thought we had so much in common, but all those are illusions. we may not have started, but still, is this the end?? hmm..maybe it's a blessing to have you only as a friend. or maybe loneliness is the only company desired.. i don't know.

elections are coming.. banners, buntings and billboards everywhere. politicians are going around, campaining for votes. but, what a pity that i couldn't vote. don't get me wrong, i am registered, but just a little too late. guess it's another 4 years then. anyway, i really hope that there'll be a politician that will highlight the environment as one of their agenda. i see all these manifestoes.. yet none touched on conserving, preserving, or maybe even paying a little attention to the natural world around them... makes me wonder, are they even worth being voted for??

i just can't wait for the celine dion concert tickets. gosh, they can't even get the pricing right now... come on, ppl!!

i am also now stuck in a rut considering my future options. i was browsing through the graduate studies in upm. do i wanna continue my studies in upm? or should i stay in usm? or maybe i should head over to the igp (or whatever, that deals with australian studies) and consider relocating to australia?? i dunno. or maybe, i'll just get a job. what about my training... i wanna take balance. but should i take jam?? ppl have been telling me to take jam, but should i? ah.. questions, questions, questions...

guess i'll just sleep on this.. and await a new dawn.
ciao
je t'aime
ben

manic monday

is today a monday?? it certainly is. and worst, it was a manic monday for me. i didn't have enough sleep, my energy was totally zapped out, and my emotions were helter-skelter. with the last amount of energy i had, i had to muster out of bed, head up to the campus (at 9) and finally returning at 6. then, it was to the gym to sweat my lazy ass off. thankfully, i ended the day well by being in starbucks enjoying my cup of chamomile tea (am still here).

emotions are hard to contain. even when you try ur best to control it on the surface, it'll surface eventually and eat u up from within. that's what i have been suffering from the past few days. i thought i had mine under wraps. somehow, it's eating me up, turning my life upside down. i think i have to go for a retreat or something.

i guess the signs were very discreet. over the past few days, i've been playing with god, destiny or whatever higher powers that be. i've asked for signs concerning a certain person, and i guess the answers were very direct. so, i guess i'll just have to fall for something else. thanks anyway...for all the signs.

ciao, as my chamomile tea is slowly lulling me to slumberland.
je t'aime
ben

saturday? or sunday?

well, i guess my blog is starting to get a little crowded huh.. all u guys see are adverts here and there. can't blame a newbie for starting. besides, who doesn't wanna earn some cash. i'm running dry as i idle my life away now..

hmm, idle..i probably used the wrong word for my life. in fact, my life is anything but idle. i have deadlines to meet, stuff to write, experiments to conduct..and then there's my social life. in fact, i've been out for the past few nights far more often than before. let's see.. there was the gambling session, kh's lunar birthday session, the torch session, then last night (friday) again for supper/dinner. somehow or other, my life is one confused masterpiece as my timing is out. here i am blogging on sunday morning (while still reeling off saturday night). then there is the confused meals (b'fast/lunch, dinner/supper, lunch/dinner??). somehow, when i get busy, i seem to skip meals far more often... and then i binge. i guess my yoyo diet will eventually consume me..

but i think it's all worth it as i've been on my feet for more than 8 hours today. all for my stupid FYP. guess i was so consumed by the rush that i didn't take a break..eventually completing 27 protein analyses, 4 lipid analyses, and prepared for another 5. what others will take 3 to 4 days to do, i've completed it in 8 hours. hopefully it's all worth it eventually. i do not want to realise that i've sacrificed so much to get anything less than an A for this paper.

ok, guess i'll stop now before i overwork my body. and i am so sorry for the adverts, but please bear with me while i try my best to keep them organised.
until another time then..

ciao
je t'aime
ben

End of Chinese New Year Celebrations

firstly, i would like to apologise to all my readers for not updating my blog. i'm so sorry, but i was taken ill for the past two days. it's only now that i managed to sit in front of the computer (sober and healthy) to blog.

i believe i didn't cover the last day of the Chinese New Year celebrations. well, it's called 'yuen siao' in China, 'yuin siew chit' in Hong Kong, and 'Chap Goh Meh' in Penang. it can be translated to mean the 15th night (of the first lunar month).

this is also festival of 'shang yuan', or the first of the three kings. these august ones once ruled over China, and was believed to be able to rid pestilence, cure disease, and maintain peace. 'shang yuan' is celebrated to the heavenly king. however, this practise is no longer celebrated in Penang

on the other hand, Penang is unique as the last day of CNY is celebrated the baba and nyonya (straits chinese) way. instead of lighting up lanterns to mark the occasion (in China), this is the night whereby Penang ladies take to the street. during the colonial days, this is the only night whereby young virgins are taken out of their houses. they are then chaperoned to Esplanade to throw oranges into the sea. apparently, the oranges are marked with their wishes (sometimes name and phone number)for a happy marriage soon. bachelors will then row out to the sea to fish these oranges, and eventually hoping to marry the maiden that threw the destined orange. funny huh....

this is also the night whereby the straits chinese come out in their finest to perform the dondang sayang. the Esplanade will be nicely decorated,and the dondang sayang troupe will come in their lovinly decorated bus. men and women will then dance to the beat, while exchanges verses in malay poems.

hmm. no wonder they call this the chinese valentine (actually, the chinese valentine's day is on the 7th day of the 7th month). fast forward a few decades, and Penangites now celebrate 'chap goh meh' in front of the penang chinese town hall instead of esplanade. gone are the maidens (tailed by their mummies)...and gone were the days when ladies threw oranges in the sea. apparently, they decided to build a wishing well in front of the goddess of mercy temple for the ladies to throw their oranges. hmm.. i wonder what's the fun in that.

anyway, the 15th day is also the day for pengat. it's a dessert made from coconut milk, bananas, sweet potates and sago. it's extremely delicious (but i didn't have any due to my illness). the pengat is a traditional nyonya dish, and is cooked on this day as the pengat signifies abundance. it will be offered to ancestors on the altar, and then eaten by the living..nowadays, u can easily get pengat from any dessert booth by the street.

guess this is the end of my festive post. i'll be going back to more personal posts soon.. in the meantime, feel free to read my paid posts. i actually spent some time penning my thoughts for something more than pennies.. haha

ciao
je t'aime
ben

I've signed up for PPP!!!!

hear ye, hear ye..
i've finally done what many other bloggers are doing out there. earning money via blogging. initially, i was a little sceptical about all this. come on, money just don't grow on trees. however, recent increase in blogs and the expansion of the blogosphere, people have realise that this is a good place to generate revenue.

anyway, what is so great with payperpost, you may ask. for starters, they have a host of oppurtunities waiting to reward bloggers. avid or recreational bloggers, you can always grab hold of such a chance to earn some money while doing what you do best.

besides, i've seen a lot of other bloggers using payperpost out there. i must really thank kah hooi for introducing me to payperpost. apparently, PPP is financing his next Sammi Cheng cd, direct from hong kong. who wouldn't wanna earn such money. there are so many things out there waiting for me to purchase them..

anyway, wish me luck as i'm only starting to get my hands onto all this. and, if u ever want to grab the same oppurtunity like i did, just click on the link above. who wouldn't want some easy money. as long as you blog, you deserve to earn. it's give a whole new meaning to the old adage 'penny for your thoughts'

and in case you are wondering, i'm getting more than pennies for just writing this.
ciao

12th day of CNY

so, it's the 12th day of chinese new year. another three more days before the end of the celebration. apparently, it seems like i'm more chinese than the average chinese.. so sue me. anyone who knows me well enough will know that i read a lot, inquire a lot, and have a deep facination with the chinese culture. i could identify the era where cheongsams were popular, use proverbs as old as the Haan dynasty etc.. so i guess it's nothing new if i were to blog about chinese festivals. like i've mentioned before, it actually saddens me to see that more and more chinese are being westernised. they do not know, understand or appreciate their culture which is steeped in values and tradition.

fine, i'll take a break from the 'mumbo jumbo' blogging today and go back my mundane personal life (besides, there's nothing special today in the chinese almanac). so, i went for dinner last night. we wanted to toss the yee sang, but sadly, it wasn't available at the restaurant. eventually, we ended up eating more than 400 bucks worth of seafood. fish, crabs, prawns... luckily we didn't order the lobster. as usual, i couldn't eat much, hence i only took a few bites from each dish..

after dinner, we went over to T's place for gambling session. yup, u heard it right, we gambled. we played mahjong and cards. actually, i was quite happy with the mahjong session, because i was the biggest winner of the night (however, the prize money is very little). but then again, i had fun. after the mahjong session, we played this game called 'in between' with a deck of cards. simple rules, but high stakes. eventually, i lost 25 bucks for the whole night (kah hooi lost more). but all is not lost as the pool money will be used for another eating session..haha

ok, enough of my pathetic life. until the next time then

ciao
je t'aime
ben

10th day of Chinese New Year

it's the 10th day of chinese new year. since i'm on a roll on blogging about festivals celebrated during this period, this blog will bear the same content. if you are sceptical or find all this mumbo jumbo too hard to swallow, just browse away..

if not, here goes another festive blog. and since it's the 10th day, it's the birthday celebration of the earthly deity (tei chu kong). it's the deity worshipped on the small altar on the floor in most taoist chinese household. the deity is not a high ranking officer, but dwells only on land as guardians of the land.

when the chinese first landed in malaya (before christianity spread to the region), all the household will have this altar, as they believed that it will protect the occupants of the house. accordingly, this altar holds not only one deity, but five, from five different directions (north, east, south, west, and centre). therefore, normally five cups of tea and five joss sticks are offered on this altar. eventually, they are worshipped as a collective unit.

unlike the high ranking officers, the earth deity is not selected by the heavens. they are the spirits of the earth (like the elementals of greek mythology). they roam around the earth and finally settle down in locations where they are not disturbed. however, when humans moved out of their caves and into they open, the range overlapped. hence, to appease these guardians, special altars are set up to honour them. honouring them will bring peace to the household, protect from pestilence, and apparently, bring riches too..

offerings to this deity include pumpkin, gourd, garlic and coconut. the usual 'huat kuih' and 'ang koo' is also a must. joss sticks, candles and special joss paper are also prepared for the deity. however, all offerings must be in fives. however, due to the fact that it's a lower rank official, there isn't much of a celebration for them.

just an extra bit, it is believed that children and pets are sometimes spotted playing with the deity. according to my parents, i've also had similar experiences. apparently, i've disturbed this deity (in my old house) when i was young, and not once. then, i will end up crying the whole night until my parents come up to negotiate with the deity. i still have those images in my head, as i know that it's happen. it was an awful lot of crying from a mischevious young boy.

as to my parents negotiating..hmm, my parents are special too. they have these guardians behind them that helps them out. they are specially worshipped in my house. coincidentally, they share the same birthday with the earth deity too (today). however, it must not be confused that these guardians for common spirits. they are high ranking officials summoned from heaven to protect over their charge. these guardians can heal, negotiate, exorcise spirits, and also clean a certain area. one similar experience was that when i first moved into this new house, i decided to remove the amulets on the wall left by the previous owner. i removed all the smaller ones from around the house, until the largest one stuck behind the main door. as i was removing it, my mum's guardian came into action and stopped me. in fact, my mum's guardian had to apologise for me, and asked special permission to remove the amulet. apparently, the amulet was from guan yin, hence it's activated. i've seen a lot of instances of my parent's guardians hence i do not doubt them. in fact, i've used their help too, once when i was very young. but i think i'll save them for bedtime stories some other time.

so long for now, and i hope you guys enjoyed the post. all feedbacks are welcomed. and if u are still a sceptic but insisted on reading, then just take it with a pinch of salt. always remember, different people have different customs, and it doesn't hurt to respect them.

ciao
je t'aime
ben

Happy Birthday, jade emperor!!

well, as i blog now, fireworks are blaring away, blasting my eardrums as we herald the birthday of the jade emperor of heaven. actually, the celebration is on the 9th day of the first lunar month. however, the community here prepare for the celebration on the 8th, and when the clock strikes 12, the party begins.

in the chinese pantheon, the jade emperor is the highest post available. he's command over rules all earthly decision, and the only other deity that stands on par is the Buddha himself. however, it must be noted that the jade emperor is not actually the first deity in records of chinese history (the first deity will be the goddess Nu Wa). according to legend, the heavens needed a ruler to keep it in order, to be the highest guardian of heaven, and also to bestow blessings, rain and harvest upon men. at the same time, there was a young man in ancient China with the heart of gold. he's kind at heart and good in features. after undergoing various trials from the heaven, he was eventually confirmed the position as the highest ruler of the heaven. the jade emperor is married to the goddess Wang Mu, and have various children, all being stars in heaven.

in penang, the hokkien community is the majority chinese here. it was said that, when the hokkien in fujian was escaping from a brutal warlord, they fled to the sugar cane fields to hide. after hiding from some time, they emerged unharmed and their lives were spared. coincidentally, that very day was the birthday of the jade emperor, therefore, they believed that the jade emperor had rescue them and spared their lives. as a mark of gratitude, they decided to honour the jade emperor, and sugar canes are always used on the altar to mark this very incident. it is with this reason also that the hokkien people actually consider this as their 'official' chinese new year.

when it comes to the altar, food are lavishly spread across the table as symbol of gratitude to the jade emperor for the bountiful year before, as well as to wish for a better year ahead. the most important thing there is the roasted boar. it indicates the wealth of the family as only the rich could afford the boar. however, there are other must haves, including: glutinous rice cake (bee koh), ang koo, huat kuih, and chinese tea. as mentioned, sugar cane is used as offering also, but for me being cantonese, we only offer flowers and the kueh..

the end of the ceremony is marked when large amount of folded gold paper are burnt. the gold paper used is not the common type where we could buy to offer to other deities. we use the 'thnee kong kim'. it is larger and more intricate in design (to symbolise his authority as the leader of the heavens). the gold are stacked as high as possible to ensure that the fire is really strong. a strong fire is a good omen for a prosperous year ahead.

well, i guess this is as much info that i can provide from years of experience as well as some casual research that i've done over the years. i really hope that these articles concerning the celebrations over the chinese new year celebration period will help enlighten those who are clueless on what they are doing. it actually saddens me to see more and more chinese these days are ditching their age old cultures, and have adopted a different faith altogether. it's not that i am dissing their faith, it just that i feel that cultures that started some 4075 years ago are slowly evapourating with the smoke that i smell around me now. i would not be surprised if one day, people wouldn't celebrate chinese new year anymore.
from my angle, i see that here i am, a half chinese, trying my best to absorb the culture, to understand it, and perhaps to carry on with it... and then there are pure chinese who doesn't seem to give a damn. what world exactly are we living in now???

anyway, i'll still try to update as many chinese festivals as possible over this period, and i hope you guys enjoy reading them.
ciao
je t'aime
ben

happy birthday

happy birthday to all my readers. don't call me crazy yet, hear me out. on the 7th day of the first chinese lunar month, it is celebrated as the birthday of mankind. legend has it that the goddess nuwa breathed life into her clay people on this day, henceforth bringing out men. today is also the day whereby we (the cantonese ppl) will cook either fried rice vermicelli (bee hoon), or snakehead (Channa striatus) porridge to mark the occassion. in malaysia (and slowly spreading abroad), friends and family will come together to toss the yee sang. it's the chinese equivalent to fish salad, containing about 7 different types of ingredients and beautifully served with slices of salmon or other fresh fish.
well, i didn't have any of the abovementioned items. instead, i have to resort to having a bowl of tau fu fah (beancurd), and gui ling gao (chinese bitter jelly) to help sooth my sore throat.
anyhow, i'll try to update different celebrations celebrated by the chinese community throughout the new year here. i may not know much, but i think it's sufficient to provide info about the diversity of our culture. until tomorrow then..

ciao
je t'aime
ben

Perfection

everybody wants to be perfect. me not exculded. in fact, i think i've always been the perfectionist all this while. wanting things just to be in their best conditions. in fact, my closest friend always know how i judge a person due to their perfect-ness... but now that i am at this stage, i wonder if it's worthy? is perfection really that important? and most importantly, i am not perfect. in fact, i am flawed and human. as each day goes by, the human side of me surfaces even more.. wonder what should i do.
well, anyway, if there's one thing that i really want to be perfect is my yoga practise. i wanna do the best poses, taught by the best instructors, and be picture perfect. but is this possible...hmm. probably not. but it's not gonna stop a small boy (as if) from dreaming big..

ciao
je t'aime
ben

n'other day

another day just past me by... 24 hours of life. with moments of mixed emotions. various activities take place....but do we ever stop to notice if it's even necessary to partake such activites...hmm. i wonder

anyway, this morning wasn't exactly that smooth for me...lose 20 bucks to another motorcyclist. well, i kinda crashed onto him, as he was turning. it's not that i didn't see the indicator, but i expected him to turn according to the road, not just into someone's driveway. well, i guess the 20 bucks was worth a lesson learnt. never speed, and people may just turn as they like. but somehow, i think 20 is just to much for a dented number plate (that's the only damage from the whole crash)..

another 2 more days until the end of my feeding trial (FYP). one part of me is really happy. but i am also sad at the same time as i have to rush to conduct the experiments related to it, in 2 weeks. and it's not easy considering that everything needs time. i just can't see me completing the experiments on time, and submitting my lit review on time... gosh.

well, i finally understand how tiring it can be to manage a house all by myself. especially when i am determined to clean and clear the house as much as possible. well, i did a wonderful job clearing the living hall and the kitchen before the new year. today, managed to clear the work cabinet, my room, and did laundry (clothes, cushion covers, and now, bedsheets)... hmm. am pretty impressed with myself. at the same time, am worried that i may be slightly compulsive. but whatever, it zaps the energy out of me...

shocking moments..as i was trying to unlock my door, i saw an instructor from the gym living just 3 doors away. worse part, i attended his class like, hours before. so embarrassing...haih. thank goodness he's currently based in dubai and not malaysia. i can't bear the thought of living near to an (overaccomplished -7 les mills programs) instructor (in a way)

ok, gtg as life resumes...no more holidays until the end of the semester. wish me luck.
ciao
je t'aime
ben

Second Day of New Year

it's the second day of new year. and what do i have to do?? start work. haha. yup. i had to return to the campus and resume my FYP. well, wish me luck cos i have another 5 more days to go until the end of this chapter of my life. never again will i want to re-live this chapter. as beneficial as it may seems, it sux. big time.

returned to gym also. couldn't bear eating so much and not working out at all. besides, friends are back from everywhere and i must have something to show them. not just flab all the way. guess vanity prevails. but somehow, i was kinda weaker today... went for pump class, but couldn't even complete the biceps track. such a weakling...haih

dinner was exciting, as we (me, alan, mich and lav) went to this new joint called jemputree. we literally had dinner atop a tree, in a treehouse. the atmosphere was nice. music selection was passable. however, there were a few glitches like the quality of the food (not exactly up to par), and the mosquitoes. come on, u want the jungle theme, at least do something about those pesky pest. got bitten all over...hmm

after dinner, headed over to babylon for drinks and also cakes. recommended: their baked cheese cake. it's splendid. as for drinks, don't opt for the singapore sling. i think i make better singapore sling compared to them. we practically spent the whole night lounging in the suit, talking crap and bitching bout other ppl. ah, what a nice way to spend a lovely evening with friends....besides, the music doesn't pop your ears, you don't have to dance and sweat like a mad cow, and last but not least, i get to drive home sober!! yay!!

anyway, also spilled some of my deepest thoughts to these people as i feel that i can trust them with all my heart. i was actually relieved that i finally have ppl to share some thoughts with. what's even amazing is that i can tell alan all this without any qualms (come on, i only knew him since may 2007). it's like i've known him for years, and he could even dispense proper advice that i don't come across. thank you. as for lav and mich, thanks for always being there for me. this is one of the best days in the new year for me...u guys are my rock!!

well, guess i'll just head to bed now, allowing my body to get rest before greeting the new day. my aunt will be touching down at 6.40 pm...yay!!! she's finally back for the new year. and i guess i'll get to catch up with another old rock/greatest critic of mine tomorrow. wish me luck

ciao
je t'aime
ben

Chinese New Year

It's the lunar new year again. chinese (and half chinese like me)across the globe welcomed the earthen rat, wishing for a better year, limitless blessings, and peace to all beings. children and adults rejoiced together. houses are lit and merry. drums and fireworks fill the atmosphere. oh, what a wonderful sight to behold..

looking out of my balcony, i could see children and adults having fun. feasting, playing, being merry...with sounds of laughter and firecrackers in the air..how wonderful..

but what about me? here i am, stuck in front of the computer. i must say, it's not too bad. just an average start. woke up with a bang (from drums of lion dances). dressed to my finest (just to be at home). and eventually spent the whole evening on the bed trying to catch up on some sleep (slept late last night). but, it's still fine. as i believe, things are starting to change for me.. better changes. i just can't wait for this to happen.

and what have the stars got to say for me?? apparently, this is my best year. one of the best zodiac signs, with wealth, health and love factors fully activated. hmm, will i be able to tap and harness all this energy....

anyway, i will like to thank alan for spending the new year with me. you didn't know how wonderful that felt, just spending special occassion with a friend. we may be miles apart, but i could feel your presence. thanks again.

ciao

je t'aime
ben

p.s. perhaps i'll change some blogging elements of mine, before i make my readers more depressed....

random..

in case you haven't heard, celine is coming to town.. ok, not exactly penang, but she'll be in KL for a one-night-only concert. it's part of her 'taking chances' world tour. so.....hmm... guess i'll be spending the night of april 8th in stadium merdeka enjoying the time of my life. i just can't wait for the tickets to be on sale....argh!! celine... if only you could read this and realise that how much this means to me..

time flies really fast. it's chinese new year's eve now. weeks ago, i was busy shopping for the big day...and now, it's barely 24 hours away. 360 days gone (in lunar calendar, there's only 360 days), making way for another 360 days. let's just hope that things will turn out better for the coming year.

i've sinned again.. been pigging out for the past few days. last night, i went for 'lok-lok' with my buddies. i ate quite a lot there. then, we continued at lecka-lecka, with me having green tea gelato. as delicious as they may seem, it's still sinful. tonight was worst as i just downed a bowl of maggie mee and a few slices of bak kwa (as supper). someone better stop me before i develop a belly for new year..

i've finally come to terms with myself regarding my untouchable. i've just realised that it is not worth for me to have any emotions to this person. in fact, my untouchable is nowhere worthy now, as it failed to meet my expectations. besides, i've learned to read the signals properly now. i know my cues and signs and will not play ur silly little game anymore.

many posts ago, i did mention that i'll be getting the house all by myself for 2 weeks... now, the time is here. my parents are down under enjoying themselves.. and i am here, alone in the house.. is this a blessing? or is this a curse. i seriously can't find my heart. one way, i'm glad that i'm alone... but at the same time, i do long company from someone that i love and will love me back with me now.. if only i have this person with me..haih

singles party cancelled. yay. i don't have to do 'charity' anymore. besides, why do i want to punish myself by being in a singles party?? i wonder....there may be a hint of desperation in me, but i guess nothing will be right for me forever.

oh, went clubbing on sat nite, but it sucked. dj was lousy, feel was crappy, the crowd was poor... and i wasn't in my finest. but what the heck, i partied until 3 in the morning. what's important is that i had my friends there, as well as kah hooi, who is about to enter legal age in 4 days time... happy birthday to you (in advance, in case i don't see you)..

ciao
je t'aime
kong hei fatt choy

ben

community service

i've been invited to a party. a singles party. apparently, it's a party to show how desperate single people are and hopefully they can find a mate. the best part, i've been told by the 'host' to perform some 'community service' and invite more single desperate people to the party. apparently, i'm to look for some single, desperate, cute or good looking boys to the party... hahaha. who am i in the position to do that?? besides, i don't really know any adonis around worthy to be invited to the party (even if i do, i would have kept him to myself..haha). but in case u are interested, feel free to let me know. it's on the 16th february, 7 pm onwards. it's a potluck (still wondering what to make), and i m also the unofficial photographer for the evening... so, guys, gals, let me know if u wanna come.

next, i apologise for the long overdue blog. i was supposed to blog on thursday, but eventually, i ended up dead like a log at home. maybe it's because my yoga practise and extra guidance triggered some sleepy nerves and sent me to dreamland for the next 11 hours.. haha. so much for having proper yoga training. i was corrected by a bystander (ok, she's a graduate from Sun Yoga) for my back bend and gave some pointers on my downward facing dog and mountain pose. looks like i have got loads to catch up and correct before my training in balance come march..

chinese new year is just around the corner, and things are going more and more hectic for me. there are experiments to complete. thesis to write, things to clear, house to clear.... and all this hasn't stop me from daydreaming, and from over thinking too.. amazing huh.

oh, i've watched sweeny todd. pity that i was so tired that day that i couldn't emmerse myself completely in the movie. we went for the late night movie, and i was struggling to stay awake half way through the movie. somehow, after catching 40 winks, i managed to pop my eyes during the ending. it was so dramatic, so gruesome, and so passionate...well, the death scene is the best i've seen, second only to satin's death in moulin rouge...i have to say, tim burton and johnny depp have clearly set a new par in dark musicals....excellent

here are some of my twisted thoughts. they may not be conventional, but i think it's rather cute as i get to share my quirks here...
1) i was riding home from the gym, and i saw these two guys walking on the pavement. then i told myself, what are these people thinking as they walk along the pavement? where are they heading? what's playing in their heads? is it about safety? of the journey? or maybe about their studies? how bout their future?

2) scene: in gym. i was talking to this lady (the host for the silly party), and she asked me, what do i plan to do with my life. honestly, i couldn't answer her at all. i have lost direction on what to do. previously, i was so sure that i wanted to be a vet (somehow, my results proved otherwise). hence, i'm stuck in some local u, doing some wretched degree (in zoology). so, now, where do i go from here? my pals have been sending resumes and going for interviews. but what have i done?? nothing.

3) a friend of mine was telling me that she was spotted by a talent scout. come on, she isn't exactly that beautiful, her boobs are barely there, her fashion sense is like that of a 40 year old aunty...and she got spotted. where is my talent scout when i want one? i believe i'm passible... but i am never spotted...hmm (daydreaming..)

4) next,another issue came up.. buying property. a few friends were talking about it in the gym the other day. and boy, did i proudly say that i don't wanna buy any property. it's not that i do not want a home, but i just couldn't see myself being here for long. honestly, i don't even know if i could survive another year, what's more, to plan for a future.. i just don't see that coming.

5) last night, a casual friend just told me that i don't look macho, and what's my sexual preference.. i must admit, i wasn't comfortable with that question, but it got me thinking, quite a lot. of course my most conventional answer would be to be asexual. but am i really one? honestly, i don't see myself getting attached, married with kids and the such (maybe because i've lost hope in them), but am i really asexual. somewhere in the middle of last year, i'd decided to open up and explore my options.. but things didn't really turn out great. when it comes to girls, somehow or other, they just don't meet my standards. then again, i'll think to myself, which girl will actually be seen dating a 'non-macho' man?? shopping buddy, yes. bitching buddy, yes. but boyfriend?? hmm. then guys... it's just so hard to tell if the guy is straight or queer. and when u can tell them apart, they are just taken. and also, don't i always read, gays prefer other gays to be macho and straight acting.. apparently, ppl like me will only end up as drag-queens forever doomed to the stage of babylon boom boom....:(. hence, i give up....

6) i've tried my best not to judge people... but sometimes, that feeling is just so overwhelming. i just can't help to notice if the vibe is just so wrong and strong.. hmm. well, i've done my part. i guess nature will take it's cause

7)is this true compassion, or just silly thoughts in my head?? it happened when i was waxing my car yesterday. there's this bunch of boys hanging out in front of my house, in school uniform. all of a sudden, i had the thought to reform them, maybe even motivating them to study harder and become a better person, and even to the point of providing free tuition to them just to get them to study and not do silly things (of course, these are just thoughts in my head). then, when i was driving to the gym when i saw this dog injured at the neck. apparently, it's been in a fight and got bit on the back of the neck. the feeling was so strong for me to pull over, carry the dog in and send it to the nearest vet (but i didn't do it). are these true compassion? or are this just silly games people play with their minds?

8) and last thought...i think i shall option out from friday night supper. although the supper is something like carrot juice or tau fu fah, i think i'll try to abstain from it. it's not the food or calories that i fear...but somehow the company isn't exactly that pleasant, and i think i shall stay away from it now on..

ok, enough of my silly thoughts. feel free to laugh it all out, but just don't keep in in your hearts.. bye

kong hei fatt choy!!

je t'aime
ben