post 201: reflections

so, another year of my life is fast coming to an end. i guess the old adage, your twenties fly by really fast, holds some truth in it. and probably it's also human nature to evaluate oneself, do some inner reflections, and learning..

i remembered, one year ago, this time, i just came back from Celine's concert. for me,that was the best experience that i ever had. and i was still a uni boy, getting ready for my viva, thesis and all..

however, look at how things have changed in the past year. i've gone from uni undergrad to working professional. although i'm not in some huge corporate company, i feel blessed to have this job. this job has opened up so many different avenues for me, and allowed me to see the world in a different perspective. it has also shown me how things work, allowing me to make a change in my state, and also allowed me to develop better skills and knowledge. although i aspire to become an environmental consultant/auditor now, it doesn't mean that i am ungrateful to what i have now.

next, i've gone from a normal gym member to an internationally certified instructor for bodybalance. all done within a year. i would say that the certificate was probably the best birthday present that i have given myself in all these years. who would have guessed that i actually took a certain passion to another level.

in a way, i am also thankful that i have not fallen to temptations over the past year. although i was nearly tempted by the devil, i managed to save myself, and protect my chastity. i guess it's a blessing for me to retain my sanctity and purity, and not allow myself to be defiled. true, there were turbulent times and a huge emotional roller coster, i am so thankful that everything went well, and i can still hold my head up high.

however, there are some things that i feel have fallen short of my expectations. firstly, there was a certain period of time when i have allowed myself to be ruled by emotions. i tore down the walls that surrounded me and guarded me, to allow myself to be vulnerable. however, this year, i shall try my best to rebuild and reinforce the walls that i have around me, never allowing them to crumble!!

next, i'm also a little disappointed that i haven't found the courage to leave all material attachments behind me, and leave my family to become a monk. instead, i have allowed more and more materials to possess and tie me down to this earth. i have more responsibilities, more gadgets etc to retain me..

third, i haven't been able to fully dedicate myself to a good cause. although i am now a member with the friends of the botanic gardens, and also mns, i haven't really been hands on to give back to the community, and my passion, the animals. i haven't found the opportunity to volunteer my services to SPCA or any orphanages. i was crudely reminded of this two days ago, when i was in the children's protection society and also seeing a few stray dogs when i driving past mount erskine road...

i guess that's all for the moment, as that's what i had in mind before i passed out in bed.

my latest determintion is to lose more weight (brandon, u are my idol)
ciao

Post 200: Longing

and so,i'm finally back to work. after one month of absence, i am finally back at my desk, doing the same old things before i left. still reading the same old papers, writing the same old stuff, doing the same old things.. has the course changed me?? probably. i'm now searching for greater heights. ambitions are soaring.. but will i ever achieve it?? i doubt

after spending the month, and the success in selling my ideas and recommendations, i suddenly have a sense of longing.. i long to become a consultant. a qualified consultant, nonetheless. according to the institute of management consultants, i must be in practice for more than 3 years, and clocking about 1200 hours per year. ah.. when will i ever be there?? i need to look for a mentor, to guide me, to be come my lead.. so that, eventually, i can do what i've learned...

anyway, the past few days were quite hard for me too.. who would have guessed, it's not easy adjusting back to the life that i left. a certain distance/barrier have surfaced. it seems like every one is just to occupied with something else.. realising thus, i think my job is also done in my circle.. probably it's time to look again. time to spread my wings and soar....

being at work is not easy too.. after 4 weeks enjoying the simple life, reality is really a rude wake up call. suddenly, the office is filled with more people. suddenly, the office seems a little too congested... probably i'm a little resistant to changes.. and sudden changes may actually leave me in various states of confusion and agitation..

anyhow, i am actually awaiting this weekend. yes, it's a little to early to say that on a monday, but this is a really short week. the weekend starts a day earlier, and i am actually looking forward to a silent getaway. in fact, i am trying to run away from humanity, civilization, and its horrors... so, in case you are reading, just pray that my hope will materialise...

ciao
ben

Post 199 : Razzle Dazzle

So, after spending 4 weeks in KL, the time has come for me to pack my bags, and leave back to reality. although i still have another 17 hours more in this facility (and aboue 21 hours before i fly back),i am starting to miss the course, and the participants already. it's not easy to be in such a diverse group, meeting so many different people from different countries.
quoting from a fellow participant, i finally have a true iranian (persian) friend. another fellow participant is also very intrigued with my dressing, and is always complimenting me on my style. i guess, being the youngest, i can't help but to stay stylish.
i've also made quite a few close friends, and getting to know a true sinhalese. gosh.. it's such a disgrace for me to share the same race, yet know so little of the culture (actually, i still don't know anything about them). and yes, the sinhalese is a different race from the indians.
looking back at the course, it all seemed like a dream that just fluttered by so quickly. in the line of broadway, all the flash lights and razzle dazzle leaves me in daze. it still seemed like yesterday, when i first checked in into the hostel.
when the slideshow was presented over the farewell dinner, i just couldn't help but to think: i'm indeed very lucky in life. i've managed to get a job, with opportunities to send me to courses as such. i've spent 4 weeks here, learning new skills, and making new friends.
speaking of my practice, i'm really happy to be finally confirmed as a consultant. what was even better, there was immediate commitment and assistance was rendered to my client as soon as i finished my presentation this afternoon. although it was a group effort, i just feel so happy that i am actually making changes to people's life, their job, and their perception.
going back to the farewell dinner just now, there was a nice presentation by our leader on the participants. according to him (in the presentation), i'm a nice person, who likes to share my jokes and laughter, am always energetic, am kind, and am being priviledged to share the 'hotroom' with the girls. well, i guess being the 'baby', there area always some perks.
but then, am i always kind, warm and smiling?? probably i'm just too good in putting on a show.. haha. it's just broadway, afterall.

that's all for tonight,
the sandman is slowly working his magic on me
until the next post..

au revoir

p.s. i just have to put the post number for the sake of it.

red letter

and so, i finally receive the news. after awaiting for months, they good news finally arrived in my inbox. the reviews were very good. i am happy, yes.. but why am i not exhilarated?? why am i not overjoyed?? why is there a sudden sense of gloom?? i really don't know...

thoughts on celebration.. nah. don't even plan to celebrate anything. it's just another step in my journey..i wonder what's next.

anyway, here's the comments of the letter:
ASSESSOR OVERVIEW:

Congratulations Ben you are clearly dedicated to ensuring a quality delivery of the BODYBALANCE program. Excellent knowledge of choreography, superb technique and outstanding coaching skills. You create a journey of warmth and passion for your participants and have the ability to challenge them with strength and a sense of humour! Your physical presence on stage is confident and authentic, you truly are an instructor who is passionate about participant result, and overall class experience.


Fabulous work and welcome to the Team of International certified BODYBALANCE instructors.


ciao

tarbush, causeway & sakae

it was a lovely saturday morning, the sun was shining, the birds were singing.. and what did yours truly do?? he decided to go to the city for sight-seeing. well, soon after breakfast, he, together with his international friends caught a cab to the national museum, in the city centre. there, he spent the time, observing the exhibits, playing with his imagination, and was annoyed silly by the little kids there(about a hundred of 5 year olds on a school excursion).. gosh, those kids were everywhere, and were constantly breaking my chain of thougts. one moment, i was in a neolithic cave of gua niah, next moment, the chatter and noise grounded me back to reality. as i was in the 'palace' of malacca, admiring the throne, the pitter patter of their feet (they were wearing horrible clogs instead of shoes) reminded me the sorry fact that i will not have kids..haha. eventually, yours truly still enjoyed his time in the museum..

next up, yours truly decided to head to the national zoo. he was so hoping that he could see the changes in the zoo since his last visit (which was like, when he was 5). so, yours truly called his friend, le chef extrodinnaire, and agreed to go to the zoo. however, as le chef extrodinnaire was working half day, so yours truly have to go to his office to wait for him. initially, yours truly was to wait at the train station.. but since he was early, he decided to look for the le chef's office. after walking in the sweltering heat, he finally managed to locate le chef's office punctually.. however, le chef couldn't get off from his work.. and hence the wait began.. first, it was 10 minutes.. then another 15 minutes.. then another 10. finally, after yours truly stood for 40 minutes in the porch of le chef's office, le chef finally showed up..

still keen on going to the zoo, yours truly didn't give up, and doesn't really blame le chef (cos it wasn't entirely his fault). however, as yours truly have been living on a 'halal' diet for the past two weeks, he'd decided to have some pork for lunch. however, being stranded on the heart of the city, it's not easy looking for some pork.. and so, the two friends wandered to the closest mall, and decided to hunt for lunch. after searching high and low, they finally stumbled upon a chinese eatery. boy, were they glad.. but however, none of them ordered pork for lunch.. instead, they had duck noodles (should be renamed dark noodles) and stewed beef noodles..

after satisfying their tummy, the two friends decided to continue with thier agenda. however, the skies have another plan for them.. it was raining cats and dogs.. or should i say, elephants and horses??? hence, the trip to the zoo was called off..leaving the two friends aimless and clueless on what to do. seeing that the sky was still dark, the two friends decided to head to KLCC and reorganise their agenda from there..

once in KLCC, the immense crowd was too much to take in.. everywhere, there's a person, a body beside you. there's hardly any room to turn, and barely enough to breath.. all for.. the PIKOM PC fair. seeing that, the two friends decided to leave and head off the the pavilion, whereby the crowd is not that bad.. after browsing aimlessly for about an hour in the posh mall, the two friends began their search for food again. really missing his pork, yours truly was slowly turning hysteric. (btw, i think the low sugar level was also driving me nuts).. haha.

so, they made their exit, still looking for something to eat. after some bickering and disagreement, they finally decided to try some lebanese desserts. Tarbush they went, gearing up to feast on something different. since it was the first for yours truly, i wasn't really geared up for the burst of flavour and taste of lebanese food. we started off with the hummus. chick pea paste with sesame oil, served with lebanese bread. i can't really describe how the taste is, but surely, it's an acquired taste (think: guacamole and tree bark)!!.

next up, mahalabia and baklava. yup, i had the great fanny.. and boy, was it sweet. actually, it's just curdled milk with roasted pistachio.. but it was so sweet, that it sent shudder to my bones. the baklava was just as bad. an assortment of nuts and spices, wrapped in puff pastry.. and with the first bite, it's sure to send you to the heaven of the tooth fairy.. so sweet was the taste that if i were to have another plate, i'd sure be pissing syrup the next morning..

after all the sweet treats, the crave for pork resurfaced in yours truly.. hence, the hunt started all over again. looking for pork in bukit bintang is like looking for a needle in the haystack. being the heart of the urban malay city, it's not easy to find something chinese, something familiar.. after scouring 2 malls, finally settled in causeway in low yat plaza for some hong kong food. wow.. that was heavenly. it may not be the healthiest food on earth, but it sure was the best for the week. having the roast pork in my mouth.. it was just sensational.

so, it wasn't all bad for yours truly on the saturday. true, it was raining cats and dog (and was still raining when i got back to the hostel), but it wasn't a poor day. i finally tried middle eastern food.. and may consider trying the main course some other time.. and managed to get my earrings (after looking for it for almost 4 years). i guess man can still plan, but ultimately, the greater power will show you the way...

btw, i managed to catch up on some health food just now.. sushi!! in sakae in 1-utama. once again, i loaded up on salmon and various other types of sushi, had the sukiyaki, and enjoyed the great company of mr thailand, mr indonesia, and ms indonesia.. haha.

the sandman beckons now.

ciao
je t'aime

another week has gone by

and so, another week has gone by (or almost).. i have adopted to the 'new' life, although it's gonna be for another 2 more weeks only. i have to admit, it's fun meeting all these people from so many other nations. in a way, i am thankful i came for this course. also probably because i'm the 'baby', i kinda enjoy it..

and mind u, being the 'baby' gets away with being bossy and can still walk away scot free. in fact, sometimes, i feel like a biatch..but heck, i controlled the situation.. so, i guess it's fine.

also managed to catch up on some sports in the past couple of days. went hiking, jogging and work out in the gym yesterday, whereas today was spent in the pool. tomorrow, i may consider teaching a bb class (haha, no license, so what)just to get into shape. may have my potential 'members'..haha. hopefully my choreo is not wrong, considering the last time i did it was two weeks ago.

undecided whether to go clubbing this saturday. am not even sure if the scene will suit me here or not.. we'll see..

guess this is it, as i am running low on brain fuel and brain juice. will probably chomp on some chips while watching american idol now..

ciao

pandora

ah, change... how i wish i could cope with your speed. riding fast with the heels of hermes. if only you could stop and see, that people are still following behind..
oh artemis, grant me the valour, the strength, to follow change.. to catch a glimpse of him, to peek through his book, and watch his agenda.. oh, if only.

it's the second week where i'm away from home. albeit for certain problems here and there, i think i've coped pretty well. in fact, i really enjoy being alone, in my room and all.. suddenly, i don't even feel like returning back to penang. is it because i don't have a heart?? a belonging??... i guess apart from my dog, there is nothing back there that really matters...

morpheus, grant me your magic, take me to your land.. where dreams seemed eternal, happy beyond the glen..
bonne nuit..la monde

fate

fate has a funny way of playing with people. it is sometimes so funny that you don't really know what it means to be tested with fate. as such, i've also fallen into the folly of fate with a few events:

1. firstly, wasn't i damn happy when i realised that i don't have to share a room with someone in MPC Penang. however, with a certain twist of fate, i now have a room mate (not really fond of it).

2. isn't it the irony of life, when here i am, being connected online, at starbucks Penang?? heck!! i am at the closest place to home, and the only place where i can be online. gosh, i really wish the connection in MPC and INTAN was good and could allow me to use MSN. i feel so dead without MSN.

3. and speaking of penang, i'm only back for 2 hours, and was about to go for some local food.. and heck, it's pouring cats and dogs outside. that means, i can't get local food, and will have to settle for fast food. fate, o fate.

i guess i have to go now.. see you soon