Starbucks again...

yes, my big fat arse is plonked into yet another starbuck's seat. this time, it's in island plaza. it's the perfect place to idle time, as i get to come online, enjoy the aroma of fresh roast, as well as do some people watching.. haha

yes, i am also human. i do watch people. just as any other person, i do watch out for looks. but then, there are also many more details that i just love to observe. for one, human behaviour. it's just amazing that i can watch a person, and then take note of the behaviour, trying to figure out what the person is thinking at the certain moment. and sometimes, human behaviour can vary vastly from the outlook. there is this guy seated in front of me, puffing fags like a chimney, browsing the newspaper and swallowing his portugese egg tart, while wondering when is his friend going to arrive.
then, there is the friend..dressed up macholy...but nicely munching on cherry tomatoes. not that i have any prejudice against it, nor do i associate cherry tomatoes with the feminine...yet, u just don't find any person walking down the street with a packet of cherry tomatoes in hand....oddly pleasing.

am now waiting to attend another balance class. not even sure if i should go for the class, considering that i'm not shadowing today...but i guess i'll just go cos i've already brought my yoga mat. am seating off jam now...my ankle still hurts. try as i might, i couldn't resist jam and did it on thursday and friday night... probably this is why my ankle is still not fully recovered....argh!! stubborn me

will be headed off for steamboat later tonight. finally, after many weeks of planning, we'll be going for authentic chinese steamboat.. something very different from the usual bbq steamboat that we always have. then, there's the invite to go clubbing..but no worries, cos i wouldn't be going at all.. it's a solemn vow to stay of clubbing for eternity...haha

ok, signing off now as i want to head back to the gym.

am starting work in 2 days.

am getting my first visa card in 7 days (tune card)

am still fighting a lonely beast inside..haha

ciao
je t'aime
ben

update( 11.23pm): yet seated in another starbucks again. this time, it's after gym, and i am rooted in the starbucks in new world park. this time, just downed a java chip frappucino. amazingly, just saw the cherry tomato again..haha.
ciao

save the animals...

hey guys, wanna do something good??

have you guys even seen a tiger? stroked a tapir? witness a turtle laying eggs? i bet most of us have read about these in the media, or perhaps seen pictures of such scenes..but let me tell you guys one thing...these animals are facing extinction..fast.

back in the 70's, an act was drafted to protect the wildlife in malaysia. however, poaching and deforestation wasn't that rampant back then, and the act was successful in managing the wildlife then... however, enter the new millenium, the wildlife in malaysia is facing their greatest threat ever. humans are poaching them to be sold as meat as well as for medicinal purposes. forests are cleared to make way for urbanisation and development. lastly, the effects of global warming is also threatening their survival..

however, the abovementioned act is not enough to help protect the wildlife. under the Protection of Wildlife Act, 1972, only certain wildlife are categorised under the list of protection. in fact, elephants are considered game animals, and there is not a single amphibian or plant categorised under this act. besides, the punishment for those caught in possession of protected wildlife are only sentenced to minimal punishment, making the act impossible to instill fear in defaulters. besides, the various loopholes in the act have made it easier for poachers to continue their damage.

therefore, this post is a sincere appeal for the readers to help submit a petition to puch the government to revise and reform the act. NGO's such as MNS are playing their part, but we as members of the public, should also do something to safeguard our future. we do not want the future to be a barren land with wildlife being only something preserved in the museums..

so guys, pls act now and send a short note to policy@mns.org.my. please include your full name and ic number. this is the least that we can do. and if u feel like it, pls pass the message around. the greater the awareness, there's better hope for the future..

save the wildlife!!!
ciao

ouch ...it hurts

and that means my foot, darlings...hahaha. i was doing body jam this morning (the last morning jam before i start working), and happened to slip and fall..all that while doing my 2nd favourite cardio block (release 43, with rihanna). i hadn't even launched into the 'high' jungle turns yet, and i slipped and fell. and in that process, i also managed to sprain my ankle. yes, my left foot hurts really badly...argh. i was so frustrated. i guess i did leave with a 'thud'..haha.

with the injured foot, i am not sure if i can still shadow balance tomorrow night. i did try it out just now, and i think i can still make it, but i hope that it'll be better over the hours. and yes, i have already started my shadow classes for body balance. i've done 2 classes already, and i have 8 more to go before i can start team teaching. i hope that my injury will not hinder me from reaching my target (team-teaching in a month). besides, i really want to help launch release 41.

last note from the gym..yes, i found body step interesting..but let me say this...it is NOT because of teoh (the head teacher from KL). no, i am not attending class because of him. and no, i have no affair with him. in fact, we don't even know each other. besides, my main motive for step is to enhance my calf muscles..hehe. i really love the sight of bulging calf muscles...haha (and biceps too..). and i am not associated with teoh, ken or edmond on any grounds (alan, i don't wanna rob ken from u...haha).

topic change: work. it wasn't official, but i kinda started work yesterday. actually, it was a meeting with the organising committee for the recycling campaign held in schools in balik pulau. it was really an eye opener for me as i managed to see how things are organised, and what is being done. besides, i also realised that the managing committee is really weak (but who am i to say, as i am only a SERI officer). but then, laurels are given for the idea of having a recycling bank. students from the school will bring recycle-able item and in exchange, they'll be given cash. i think it's a very good start to instill the recycling campaign in young malaysians..haha.

anyway, i'll only be starting work on the 2nd. and let me clarify this with all. i'm working as a research officer, in the socio-economic and environmental research institute (SERI) of penang. my office is addressed 10, brown road. it's by the junction of brown road and scott road, just behind adventist hospital. the organisation is a think-tank for penangites, and serves as policy-makers to promote better living for penangites. my job will see me running around gathering views from the common, meeting with the state exco members to discuss policies, meeting up with NGO to discuss issues, as well as organising events to benefit the people. resources for the company comes from various quarters such as UNDP, DANIDA and PDC..

topic change again: movies. yes, i've been watching many movies over the past few weeks. managed to watch 'drillbit taylor',' the chronicles of narnia: prince caspian', and 'indiana jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull'. 'dt' was ok, funny, and with kids.. 'tcon:pc' was better than the first, except that i don't really like ben barnes (weird accent). besides, it's a fantasy movie, so all logical thoughts have to be casted aside to watch this movie.. lastly, 'ijkcs' is actually great to watch. i have to say, harrison ford is still kicking ass at 60. oh, and cate blanchett is a really cool villian (sorry white witch, u didn't really make the cut). dr irina spalko is really hot, and cold at the same time. her facial muscle didn't even twicth when she's being 'cold' (probably botox).. but it's amazing to see the transformation of galadriel (lotr)into such a cold 'biatch' villian here. oh, and throughout the movie, i just can't get rid of the fact that mac and beowulf is played by the same person (ray winstone). it's amazing what cgi can do these days..haha.

i'm really sorry if this post is really long.. i guess my usual self is back in the game and is living life again.

thanks for reading, and hopefully, i'll be able to blog from my work desk soon..
ciao,
je t'aime
ben

p.s. referring to the comments from the previous post, gentleman, i do know that u guys know each other. which is why, i decided to leave a comment at dreamerdeme's blog.

p.s.does it feel weird that the person that u once flirted with, and tried to seduce, is now being reduced to a platonic close friend?? haih.

p.s. oh, i do not, and will not snatch the belongings of another person, whether i know it or not

remnants

sorry for the morbidity of the previous 2 posts. it was dark, yes. it was depressed, yes. it was annoying, yes...but i guess i'll have to change the tone of the blog again.
anyway, i've started to pick the remnants of my life back, and start again. i will not have a tabula rasa, but i guess i'll try to make good use of what i have left. not sure if hope is still around, but i guess that all depends on my pov.
i guess i'm thankful for the friends around me. they did what they could to cheer me up, and i guess i shouldn't disappoint them. after all, i cannot let them down.. it's unfair to them, considering that they were so supportive.
firstly, i think i'm pulling my act together and will start shadowing later this evening. i'm not sure how it'll go, but i hope that i'll learn from this. i guess i have to really be calm, and as wished..shine on stage.
ok, i start to get comments that i am slightly lanky. few people have actually come up to me to tell me that i am going thinner, and after viewing the video from the training, i don't think i can disagree with them.
well, that's all for this time. i hope it's not as morbid as the previous 2 posts. after all, those were the immediate thoughts i have..uncensored..haha
ciao
je t'aime
ben

no more tears..

how apt a title. this is the famous barbara streisand and donna summer's disco song back in the 80's. it's also one of the songs from body jam 43.. ah..how time flies. body jam 45 is coming up.. with techniques such as the butterfly twist and all..
after seeing all these.. i think i may want to quit jam.
in fact, the thought of giving up my gym membership surfaced quite often. as you may have read from the previous post, i've let myself down completely. i don't think i know how to survive. i have no more tears to shed for this episode..but i can't put the ghost of it behind me too.
i was told to grin and bear..i want to...but is it possible for me?? i did walk into the gym yesterday, but i just don't have the heart to be there anymore. in fact, i'm now seated here blogging instead of pumping up the adrenaline..haih.
i guess i'm lost in this world of achievers..
i should fade away....
ciao

3 days...

3 days have come and gone. 3 days i've spent learning new things, making a difference in my life. 3 days, people were looking forward to me performing my best..
and what's at the end of 3 days??? i failed miserably.

3 days, i wore a smile. 3 days, i endured and went beyond my limits. 3 days, i've spent clearing my mind to make a difference
and what eventually happened?? i failed.

probably these 3 days have shown me my path. it got me thinking..am i right? is this my choice? perhaps it was..but am i meant for it? probably not. probably i was living in those precious illusions...and now, they are nothing but shattered pieces. it could never be perfect again...never

i never thought that it would affect me so much.. but i guess it did. i am such a disgrace. to myself,and also to the people that placed their hopes on me. possible to the trainer herself too.. i've failed them.

also, it got me thinking.. why did i fail? what was my flaw? how could others, with such apparent mistakes, could even be ahead of me?? how could others, who'd join the program just for fun, and attended only a few classes, be ahead of me....makes me wonder.. what was my flaw. perhaps, my greatest flaw is not being human enough....

i guess the truth is clear.. i'd actually seen this coming, and i should just face the fact and fade away. besides, previous conditioning of my mind has prevented me from shedding any tear.. i would so want to cry away everything..and yet, i couldn't even get a trickle...i've got nothing left...nothing inside of me. in fact, i could now say that my journey in life has ended...

probably this moment, if it ended for me...i have nothing to hold on to. no grudge, no regrets, no worries, and no hope. am wondering if the Creator will want to take me away now??? i'll be glad to leave......

ciao

KL again

i'm here in KL again, after about a month. this time, i am seated in starbucks 1utama as i write this..haha. yes, i'm a starbucks junkie. so sue me. anyway, this is gonna be a really short post as i am about to head home (joa's place) to get some decent rest.
anyway, the trip down here was really nice. managed to stop over in ipoh for about an hour to do some shopping, get some really thick coffee, biscuits, and also tasted the famous salted chicken in ipoh. it's amazing that i can still remember the roads after 2 years from not being there.
speaking of driving, also managed to drive down all the way from ipoh to KL without any untowards incident. this time, the drive is better as the car is actually an auto car (and really large too). managed to locate joa's place without much hassle (considering the fact that i still remember the damansara-penchala way). anyway, it's amazing that joa's housemate is actually geraldine jeremiah, the writer from galaxie. she's such a sweet person to be with. besides, i kinda got my reward from being an avid reader/collector (my earliest issue dates back to 1996), as she gave me a few cds to enjoy..gosh, joa has got really nice company.
anyway, wish me luck as i will be starting my balance training tomorrow. it'll be tough, as expected, but i guess i'm only going to have fun there. anyway, there's been untowards sign as our consignment of dvd for the training is being held by the customs. ah...bad feeling, bad start. let's just hope that everything will be better tomorrow..haha.
anyway, am signing out now.
ciao
je t'aime
ben
p.s. i'm diggin' my ipod!!

shopping addict

so, i'm a shopaholic.. it's a well known fact. retail therapy helps alot, and comes really handy when there's an event round the corner. anyway, my retail therapy for the past weekend totals up to 1500MYR. yes, i've spent that much in less than 48 hours.
firstly, i bought myself an ipod... yes. after all these years of being a loyal creative user, i've decided to switch to ipod for my convenience. partly because i've maxxed out the space in my creative. and also for my convenience in the future, as i will be using the ipod for my bodybalance training and classes..so, there goes 2/3 of the amount mentioned
the remaining 1/3 were spent on clothes, clothes and other apparels. well, since i'm going to start work next month, i decided to get myself some work clothes. hence, i managed to get 3 long-sleeved shirts, socks and also a pair of pin-stripped pants from padini. completing the look, i also decided to get myself a pair of work shoes and a leather walllet..haha. see..there goes all the money
oh, some were spent on getting a pair of track bottoms and a cap (for no reason)..haha. so, there u go...confessions of a shopaholic.
seriously, if i have all the cash in the world, i could be the ultimate shopper. it just feels so good to shop and shop..and besides, i had good company for shopping..thanks ya..
haha

ciao
je t'aime
ben

my my...

firstly, i apologise again (for god knows how many times) for not being able to update my blog. a little issue cropped up on tuesday night, prompting me to storm off the house. probably u'll be reading less from here too cos i guarantee when will i next blog...

wednesday, went for an interview, and got a job in SERI (socio-economic and environmental research institute). i am starting off as a research officer, but i am certain that i will climb my way up the social ladder come on day. anyway, this job sounds really really interesting as i will be doing loads of ground work, getting opinions, surveys and policy making, as well as constantly meeting up with the state executive councillors, and NGO's. it's like a dream come true...i'm sure this social butterfly will eventually leave its mark before being consumed by the flames...

am really pushing myself very hard for the past few days in gym. i have to be perfect, if not, 90% perfect. my legs are still aching, but i have to seize the opportunity to become perfect. anyway, attended a bodystep class (not for anyone).. my first, after being in the gym for a year and a half. found it interesting, and i can assure you that it's not the last time that i am attending one..haha.
i can now say that an hour of balance training and 90 minutes of yoga could suck out every ounce of strength you have in the body (especially when you missed lunch)..haha

i'll try to update pictures from my birthday dinner as soon as possible. i'm sorry that things have turned out this way. i'll try to seize the opportunity to come online as soon as possible..

i may have laxed a little, but i am still punishing myself if i catch myself vocalising a single sound in a song. it's been weeks already, and temptations are still so strong, but i guess i have to really keep to myself. as it is, the ugly duckling shall quack no more...

i guess that's all for a few bittersweet days. life will become harder, but i think i shall not crack....the show must go on..

ciao
je t'aime
ben

the big day

so, this post is 2 days late..haha. what the heck.. i had so much fun on the night that i just have to share some of my thoughts with my readers.
of course, i started the day beaming. in fact, i was beaming so brightly that people kept asking me what happened. seriously, all u could see is the wide smile across my face..haha.
the morning was just ok..decided to sleep in, then head to the market for breakfast..and some random shopping..haha.

afternoon..hmm, well, attended body jam and body balance, specially conducted by jacqueline (master trainer). although she may not shine as much as kylie, she's still great. but i also realise that somehow, she's not connected to the members..haih.
well, her cohorts are just as wicked..hehe. kenny, good dancer. but then, he's got legs a mile long..making it rather weird to see him dance. our head teacher, amazingly, was perfect. in fact, it became the talk of the night, as our head teacher finally got her groove back... the other cohort of jacq, teoh..hmm, he's a good dancer too (and a great looker..haha). but then, he's not a body jam instructor, so...(besides, i think he's attached to janis)
for body balance..jacqueline..great. although i've gotten so used to janis's style, it's great to have her there..i must say, i really wanna be like her when i complete my training, except the lengthy relaxation track. ah..now i wish my trainer was her (but not to worry, i heard that riyo is quite good also..)

so, after the incredible workout with the master trainer..it was time to get 'hot'..haha. for the first time, i actually took about 15 minutes to style my hair, and about 10 minutes to put on my clothes. i was actually lost on to what to wear..and i think i'd actually make an impact on the night..

we headed off to cititel for dinner..but before that, stopped by at janis's place for...my second present. well, i accidentally let it slipped that it was my big day cos she did notice my wide wide grin..and when i headed over to her place, i thought she wanted to pass me the dvd for the training...but instead, i have a new yoga mat, from her, again. it's lovely, and i will use it to conduct balance classes, eventually..haha

at cititel, we dined like there was no tomorrow. in fact, i had barely made it into the main course after 1 hour. i was so preoccupied eating everything else like the sashimi, the tempura, the sushi and everything else except the main course.. in fact, i took 4 oysters the througout the night. then, the guys decided to provide us (me and rooney) with birthday cake(s) assembled from the cakes from the buffet..haha. it was so sweet of them, and i was surprised that they even brought candles to the dinner..haha

and oh, it was a double celebration for the night too, cos we decided to celebrate rooney's lunar birthday too. he's a sweet guy who happens to be younger from me by two weeks..haha. and it just so happen that this year, his lunar birthday and my gregorian birthday is on the same day..haha. isn't it cute.

so, after the long dinner (we finished bout 10.30), we decided to head over to babylon again for drinks. as i had taken a solemn vow to abstain myself from clubbing, babylon seemed to be the best option. but things weren't very lively there. we had a round of drinks, but there was nothing much that we could do..so, we decided to call it a night after spending about an hour there..

however...my night went on for another couple of hours..haha. rooney, chris and i headed over to mcd's gurney for a drink after there, and spent about an hour talking. it was very insightful, and very deep also. it's also amazing to find out that rooney is an excellent judge of character, when he could describe my personality to the point. gosh, even my close friends couldn't point that out...haih

so, all ended well for my 'little' birthday party. i dare say that it's one of the best that i've got...especially in the recent years. in fact, i am so thankful for them to actually celebrate it with me...

blessed are the friends who treasures each other..
blessed also, are the one who have friends as such..

thank u guys!!
je t'aime

ben

will upload the pictures soon!!

shocked

well, as far as i can put it, i guess tonight is one of the most memorable birthdays that i ever had. come on, little did i know that a lot of ppl are actually planning behind my back to surprise me. and to think that all this while, i was complaining bout the lack of surprise. but it's fun, although i really had a few dumb blonde moments..haha

so, let's take a glimpse at my first birthday gift for this year.

it's a bling-ed up, bag with my name in crystals...hahaha. it's so beautiful that it pratically yells out DIVA!!!


the girls decided to come over with a cake and candles..and surprised me. if it wasn't for my dog's barking, it would be even more shocking


me and reen..trying to look svelte with our figures...notice the short crop do..


dumb blonde moment.. and also so DIVA to have the lovely bag. thanks mich and lav for the lovely bag...

crazy week

i have to say, this is one hell of a crazy week. ok, probably not a week. just for a few days..haha

firstly, i had a hair cut.. after 3 years of having long hair, i decided to snip my locks and opted for a short hairdo.. yup, now i have a man-bob.. i must say, it was a welcomed change. anyway, this hairdo did get me a lot of compliments..especially from the gym.. some were shocked, some couldn't recognise me..and my lovely yoga teacher kept teasing me with compliments..haha

viva..hmm, it's over. i was evaluated by one of the hardest examiner in the field..but i guess it's good for me. i couldn't deny that my experiment did raise a lot of questions..some that even i couldn't understand. this is why i am not returning to this field!!

interview with marcus evans yesterday. i think it went well, but eventually, it's just another job in sales. although i know that the clientele is very high profile, i really don't see a future in tele-marketing. well, guess i have no options but to accept the job first, before moving forwards...one hand, i want a job..the other, i wanna continue my masters..aih

lost control and was taken over by temptations last night. was driving home after a movie and supper with friends. heard leona lewis on the radio and decided to sing along to it.. haih. disastrous. eventually, i did punish myself by giving me two slaps across the face.. looks like i have to be extra hard on myself

so, my uncle finally passed away. as much as we'd try to distance ourselves from him, i guess it's inevitable that i have to take part in the funeral. that's probably what family would do. besides, he's alone.. if we do not take care of his last rites, who would. but i would say that i am not a very good mourner.. i even had the time to go home to watch tv series (ugly betty and desperate housewives are more important), had time to go for interview, and even had the time to go out for dinner, and then watched the forbidden kingdom with a friend.oh, couple that with some work out time too.. haha.

as usual, not a single tear was shed on my part. i guess my heart has finally harden in this aspect. or probably my tear ducts have totally run dry. heck, i couldn't even shed a tear of sympathy for myself. there were nights when i would lie on my bed, thinking of things.. and wanting to cry it all out, but somehow, it's impossible now..haih

speaking of forbidden kingdom..i've watched it finally. after the many failed attempts, i managed to catch it. i was very close to snapping and was even about to go watch it all by myself (when i start, the next couple of movies would also be by myself)..but eventually, my buddy asked me out for it..so, i guess i wouldn't be catching any movies alone anytime soon.

so, parliament session began, and somehow, it turned into a circus. MPs were calling each other names, not respecting the order, and all trying to get their 15 seconds of fame. is this what the new democracy is all about?? people's interest or self interest first?? i wonder... but then again, i guess i'm the only person concerned about this (apparently, audrey tatou being the new face of chanel no.5 is more important that national affairs).

it was beltane until a about an hour ago. bonfires are lit to welcome the coming of summer. it's the time to feast and be merry.. and also to pray and wish for a better year ahead, and also for better harvest. to some, beltane is similar to samhain, whereby the veil shrouding bordering our world and the netherworld being the thinnest...so, guys, don't get spooked ya!!

speaking of getting spooked, watched muoi: ghost portrait, last saturday. err..terrible show. cold, unemotional faces..and apparently, it's based on true stories too..haha. but i guess they didn't expect that a certain scene did resonated with my reality..haha.

so, i'm turning 23 in 22 hour's time. ah, how time flies.. soon, i'll be on my deathbed, reminiscing of this moment leading on to my big day when i turn 23..haha. well, the jam gang is having a celebration for me..a small one. which i am thankful of... but then again, there is also a certain part in me which doesn't really wanna celebrate this affair. as silly as it may sound, it's actually a little heart-wrenching for me to celebrate this day.

ok, enough of my crazy days.. hoping for a good night's rest, before another crazy day take over me tomorrow.. i so wanted to go for the world music festival, but time doesn't permit me..aih. guess that i'll just hit the gym tomorrow to unwind again..haha