crystal

well, i'm back. after the one week hiatus, i'm back again. i guess the break was good, as i got to re-evaulate a hell lots of things, and kinda sort certain things out. besides, i've got to finish two books, am and now starting the third book. i sure need to hunt for more books to read for leisure.

even so, it's been an emotional turmoil for me, as i had another 'roller-coaster' mood throughout the week. at a certain point, i was really really happy, another time, i was really sad. then i was pissed also.. especially towards the end of the week. many things precipitated, and it got to me. but i think i am fine now.. neutral

for starters, i think i'm going to work while studying for my masters. yes, i may take up a part-time masters degree. and at the same time, i need a job. i just can't sit around idle, and money doesn't grow on trees. besides, i really need some cash to fulfill certain ideals of mine. i think i may even considering working a couple of jobs..if time and energy permits.

next, my take on relationships. friendship or intimate ones, i think i should start keeping my distance, and heck, may even rebuild the wall that i once had. no one is to be trusted. no one deserves to be loved anymore. not even the ones closest to myself. heck, even family can't be trusted, or loved that much anymore. i am now really anticipating the moment when i am emancipated, and may be on my own. all alone.

i've also come to the conclusion that i should start to silence myself. probably, it's the best way to reduce contact with the world. that way, no one will get hurt. and i'll remain safe as my thoughts will no longer be accessible..haha.

fame and fortune has eluded me. time to me to get grounded and stare reality in the face. some say reality is what u make of it, but there are times when circumstances makes the man. i am not marked to the world to know me..i am not marked to be honoured and worshipped by the world. so, it's best for me to retire into my little alcove and do what is best for me..staying far from the radar. as far as possible.

went clubbing last night, as a final test to confirm my thoughts. and yes, i finally realised that i have no doings in the club, and yesterday shall mark the end of my clubbing days. although i may seem to have fun, still, things are just not meant to be. some things just will not leave the comfort zone, and there is just no point for me to push furter. therefore, i think i shall just return to the guy that i once used to be..

guess that's all for tonight.. i shall return to my book.. fantasy may lead us to paths that we never imagine we could travel.. and yet, we remain safe and sound in our humble abode. as usual, i am travelling back in time again..allowing the moment to enrich my knowledge and experience.. and showing me lovely things from an ancient world.

until then, goodbye

ciao
je t'aime
ben

p.s. celine rescheduled her concert due to respiratory problems. i pray that she'll be fine and put on a good show.. and also hopefully my air ticket could be transferred according to the new dates.

15 seconds of fame...so what

so, what is done is done. i've played my part in this masterpiece. it may be great, it may be a disaster, but it's done. it may be a great moment, but it may also be a moment that mark my fall..as i am blinded by the flash lights, i shall step into the very hole that will mark my end. i think it's just fine that i shall return to my roots, and just stay under the radar. i just cannot see myself doing it again...

i guess it's probably the right time now to do some soul searching. for the past few weeks, i'm really lost and confused. i've done many things that i normally wouldn't do, said one too many things, and allowed my thoughts to be heard. in fact, thoughts are slipping off my mouth without any barrier. i wonder what have happened. it occurred online, it occurred in reality. maybe i've left my guard down for too long. people are getting to know me...and that is dangerous.

a soul searching is also due as i really have to sort out my wires. i think it's high time to think about my future, and what i really want. will i be working, will i be studying? i wonder. i just have no idea what to do, and there is not enough help and signs from the surrounding to help me going.

i think i need to reevaluate my priorities too.. sometimes, it feels like i'm obliged to do certain things, but yet, i have no commitments to that. is that what i wanted to do? do i have to do it? i just don't know..

besides, i also need to sort out my non-existant love life. some times, i don't think it's not there, just that i don't make use of the oppurtunity. other times, i just feel like it's a total waste of time. it's getting me nowhere and leaving me miserable, alone, and scarred. u may think that these scars are just some scath on the surface, but trust me, the moment i start developing feelings, it goes deep down into the soul.

ironic moments seem to invade my life. it's like the fates laughing and teasing me on how my life is unworthy and crazy. these ridiculous situations, funny and yet it hurts at the same time.. must i go through all these? can't i just walk off from this stage of life decently? i dunno.

well, guess i'll have to cool off, and probably tune off for a while to really sort out my life. there was once when i did that and i turned into a zombie (in form 5). hopefully, i'm more mature this time, and will get things sorted before they consume me from the inside. i'm guessing that the books that i've bought a couple of days ago will help me in my journey to search and rearrange my soul again.

probably won't blog for a while, so..enjoy yourself, and stay safe.

ciao
je t'aime
ben

will be back soon, hopefully

easter jam

sorry folks, but i just can't embed the vidoe for leona lewis's bleeding love here in my blog. but trust me, the song is beautiful, and feel free to watch in on youtube.
and when u are there, why not also catch a glimpse of celine dion's world tour. there's a special song, my love, performed only in south korea. seriously, i can't wait until april 8th. i believe that would be the happiest night of my life.
(omg, towards the end of the video, i am euphoric)..argh!!!!

so, it's gonna be easter sunday in a few more minutes. to all christians, i wish thy happy easter. it's the one of the most important day in the christian calendar as it's the very day the whole faith is based upon. it's the very day christ rose from death to atone the sins of the world. blessed be..

to all pagans, happy fertility day. in case u've forgotten, the spring equinox was just 2 days ago. it marks the arrival of spring. the very season whereby the mother goddess is born again. in case u guys didn't see..the bunny and eggs on easter, all are symbols of fertility. so..have fun. procrete..haha

on a more personal note, tomorrow, i'll be on stage again. this time, it's for the body jam release 44. but it'll only be like for 1 minute.. and i have to do a naomi campbell walk. so guys, wish me luck.. and hopefully i won't make a fool of myself
(anyway, prior to this, i actually wondered why would i want to play second fiddle, be underappreciated, and trying to make a fool of myself to an audience..)- then i realised, i am my greatest enemy!!

once again, wish me luck!!
btw, i'm a may baby..not april baby. sorry ya...me born like 2 days after the start of summer (belthane)..

ciao
je t'aime
ben

bleeding love

are you hooked on the x-factor lass, leona lewis?? i know i am. her song is constantly in playback in my brain. i can only hear the chorus in me over and over again. well, i think it's a nice song. and probably a very very minute fraction of my soul could resonate with it..hmm.
well, just something about her.. she's only exactly one month older than me. damn it. she's turning 23, and i'm also turning 23 (30 days later), and she's a celeb. what about me? i am nobody in life. guess that's just the plain irony of life.
well, i am also bleeding love, albiet my wound is very very small...

madness (ii)

well, let's clear some things, shall we...
firstly, in my previous post, i wasn't talking about the untouchable(refer to older post). that was old news, and i've got over it. besides, the present relationship with the untouchable is the safest, and will never progress from here.

next, i think i am just confused and infatuated. either that, or i must be desperate. so, it's not something that will last long, and i just don't wanna waste my time doing something that i know that it won't work out.

so, i guess that cleared the air. it's just a silly moment of infatuation. it's still here, but i am also trying to get over it. the person in question has so many facades that i don't think i can really cope with.. it's tiring.

well, i have nothing much to blog about tonight. maybe it's the bad mood, the suppressed anger, the dissappointment, and a tinge of lethargy. guess i'll just sleep until a better tomorrow dawn upon me.

madness in the making...

the sudden burst of energy came, and i had to run. i tried to contain it and i guess it's better if i back off. i can't read you, and i don't know what's your next move. i don't even see where we can go from here, but why do i falter and fall??
thank you for what you've done. you've led me the wrong way, and sometimes, u just seem so right..
why am i in this confusion?? i don't know
but one thing i know, the secret will forever be my own, unknown...

addiction/rehab??

ok, galaxie did an article about celebs getting addicted to substance and entering rehab. is it the latest trend (after having babies)? is this the next big thing of the year? or will la la-land be renamed rehab-lad? i certainly hope not. seriously, where have sanity, dignity and rational disappeared to?

i may not be addicted to substance (neither do i abuse them), but i think i am addicted to the ps2. more specific, i think i am addicted to the game 'god of war 2'. i've played the first instalment, and i think the second one is way better, and cooler than the first one. the graphics, plot and action sequence is soooooo nice. gosh.
but the worse part, i've been playing non-stop for the past few days. in fact, i've been playing up until the middle of the night.. it was that addictive. and i didn't read today's newspaper (until just now) this afternoon, just to play the game. in fact, i've been thinking, visualising and even dreaming of the game... i am doomed.

who would have thought, me, someone who never liked playing computer or video games, could be addicted to the ps2. i have to say, i really enjoy the adrenaline rush.

just an issue to be considered.. i've just bought myself 2 large bottles of protein. it's to act as a diet supplement. however, i see people taking it so often, it's almost like their life depends on it. does that constitute to substance-abuse? can it be considered an addiction? i know that it doesn't impair our judgement, nor will it kill our brain cells (hopefully), but will there be withdrawal symptoms if a protein-junkie suddenly decided to call it quits?? i wonder. btw, i only plan to take it right after my workout, not the 'once in the morning, once prior to workout, once during workout, once after workout, and once at night' routine. i think that will kill my wallet faster than killing me, and besides, my body will just perish in all those heat (yes, protein shakes are heaty food. they can cause pimples, rashes and even constipation).

ok, enough for the night. i wanna catch up on some sleep, cos i realise that i am slowly turning into a zombie.... gotta rise early tomorrow, as i wanna continue playing the ps2. haha.

ciao
je t'aime
ben

18 more days until the concert!!!

la la la....

it's the wedding of the year... or at least in la-la land. am watching the very episode whereby wilhemina slater is getting married to bradford meade.. haha. yup. ugly betty, featuring victoria beckham. i just can't wait to see her fit into the bridal gown..haha

it seems like oppurtunity is eluding me faster than a strike of lightning. today, i was offered the chance to shadow janis for the body balance launch, and also help launch a few body jam tracks... it seemed perfect. but..i couldn't do any of it as i am away for a field trip. of the many weeks in the year, i have to be away on a field trip when i could be on stage, enjoying my 15 seconds of fame.

then there is the body balance training program that i have waited and waited for so long.. i was told today that there'll be auditions for the program...but it's in KL. damn, do i really have to fly down to KL for a few hours just for the audition. i'm hoping that they will consider conducting one session here, so at least i could get my chance. or else, it'll just fly away like the rest.

guess i'm signing off now.. gotta continue watching ugly betty...haha

coffee anyone??

after one whole week spent writing my dissertation (just realised that there are mistakes to be corrected), i finally decided to pamper myself and take some time off to really heal my soul.

and nothing is better to heal the soul than a perfect weekend. slept in late for both saturday and sunday. i had to catch up on some beauty sleep. and i find it just so nice to realise that i don't have to wake up every morning worrying about my fishes or worrying about my lab work.

i guess i started to pamper myself since thursday. had a short facial done, using the masque from the face shop. i am starting to get hooked on their products. they are not that expensive, yet still effective. well, the walnut and oatmeal masque is a must have. my face felt so nice after that (partly also because i was on the bed eating half a tub of raspberry sundae..haha).

friday night was a blast. as usual, it was gym night. was supposed to work out, but eventually, headed to gnc after some cardio and some abs.. confirmed that i am standing at 172cm tall, and weigh 61kg. i am now, 1 kilo away from my ideal weight.. haha. but fat mass was rather high (18.6%). guess i have to cut down on junk and oily food. yoga was a blast. i kinda unleashed the inner yogi that was forced into hibernation for the past one week, so, kinda enjoyed the fast paced, powerful yoga. and to top the night off...intense body jam. instead of doing some 'get-by' tracks, we did loads of cardio tracks. and with the small class, i could use the mirror to my full advantage and took note of every single twist and turn that i made. haha. best part, 'extra' dancing after the class. was supposed to let kah hooi have a go on cueing, but instead, i decided to do more cardio dances..haha. really appreciated the burn.

saturday night was different from usual. since sis was at a party, i decided to 'party' with my besties. instead of the usual hawker fare, we decided to dine in dome. i have to admit, it was the first for me, but it was good. the food is worth their price. we had the baked chicken, tuna wrap, spicy olio pasta, and a bowl of wild mushroom soup. really nice, but pity that their non-beef selection was rather limited...to top it all, a nice glass of caramel choco nut ice blended (to satisfy my coffee kick!!)

then, we headed over to the revolving, city bayview. i haven't been there in ages (i think i was still a kid then), and realised that nothing changed there. the revolving belt is still so slow (60 mins per round), they still have the jawa mee, and ice creams are still the same. i was looking forward for the fondue, but i guess terence was misinformed. so, eventually, i settled for a slice of apple pie with vanilla ice cream..and some of lav's coffee based drink again..

today, was another comfortable day for me. although it may seem a little 'event-less', but i kinda heart the day. finally got to finish my ps2 game. and just started the sequel.. haha. continued with my coffee craving. decided to drop by at lav's work place and took a dig into their mocha-based black forest ice blended. it was divine, especially with the maraschino cherries.. the berries were so large..pity that it wasn't lav who prepared the drink. or else, i would have gotten more cherries....

yoga was again, superb. although the back bends were a little tough, i think it managed to unleash the energy and tension locked within it, liberating forth another new pulse of energy. the only set back, i learned how a c-section feels. but the spill-over effect was a good. i had good vibes to continue my work-out to do cardio and weights. managed to target my chest, arms and shoulders.. so good to be back. and perhaps it affected my mind too... made new friends in the gym again. haha.

but i guess the best part of the day was still around 2pm, when i got off the car at midlands, hiked up the stairs... and headed all the way to music valley to get my hands on the celine dion world tour tickets...yay!!!! (read previous post).

guess i'll sign off here now, to end my lovely weekend.
ciao
je t'aime
ben

tickets

i guess that picture says everything. yes. i finally have it in my hands. the very ticket to catch the best concert for the year in KL. yay!! it 's the celine dion concert...now, am counting down the days to april 8th...

shattered walls

the very walls that imprisoned me was finally shattered. i have overcome the greatest obstacle that i am supposed to this year. yes, i have finally completed my dissertation. u may have read that in the previous post, but i'm currently letting the feeling sink in. you couldn't imagine the euphoria that i am enjoying now, knowing that i have broken this very wall. it's just so amazing. well, another two more weeks, and i'll be done with uni life. it's out to the corporate world, or perhaps i'll continue to pursue a higher education level... but i guess i'll let it flow...perhaps i'll just prepare a few copies of my c.v. and send them to various corporation, hoping that i'll get a job that i love. i know it's hard for me due to my 'floating' nature, but i guess i'll have to change and settle eventually.

the other wall that shattered was the very one seperating dreams and reality. while i could only use to dream, some people are making it into their reality. it finally dawn upon me that people are generally separated into two categories. either u are lucky, or u are not. while i can only dream of being a model, or owning my dream car, another is actually living my dream. this friend of mine, born with a silver spoon in his mouth, just got the dream job, the dream car, and also a man to love him. another pal, also born with a silver spade in her mouth, is actually earn per hour what others earn per day. plus, she doesn't even have to have a degree to earn such, and lead the high life.. but thankfully, i'm awaken with the crash of the wall..

a little on the recent elections. so, what is done is done. penang, and a few other state, are now under opposition rule. the government is formed by the ruling coalition with a simple majority. what's next up the line? many walls of comfort for members of the coalition were also shattered last weekend. some may take the fall graciously (kudos to dr koh for being a gentleman), others just can't seem to get the message to back off. perhaps they should seize the moment and leave with some dignity. look, the people don't want you. don't linger. as for the opposition rule, i am neither for, nor against it. i guess i'll just sit back and watch what happens. however, what saddens me is that many grassroot leaders which has done so much for the community was just given the boot, just like that. young guns have taken over, but i hope that could meet the par set by their predecessors. anyway, they should always remember, if the people can vote you in, they can always vote you out either.

after all these happenings, what overwhelmed me was the level of maturity of the 21st century malaysians. perhaps globalisation and technology have their good points after all..haha. well, it's just that the voice of the new generation is loud and clear, and some worthy malaysians can take defeat with full of grace. another thing that overwhelmed me was knowing that democracy is still alive and well in malaysia. thankfully, we do not have to go through issues like what's happening in pakistan, nigeria, and a few other countries. we may not have year long campaigns like the u.s., but we still treasure our rights fought for by our forefathers.

ok, guess i'll continue some other time. it's time for me to catch up on my beauty sleep. i know i may not have the looks, but i do not want to end up like the wicked witch in snow white...(but being a witch like paige matthews is a dream come true). well, that story another time..
ciao
je t'aime
ben

oh, and pls do take some time off to listen to some songs from my favourite diva. she's everything a diva needs to be. btw, the first song 'if walls could talk', is my favourite song from her all the time.

tribute to celine

i know that i haven't been posting for quite a while. forgive me, but i had to complete my dissertation. now that it's done, i have all the time in the world to blog again.. haha

firstly, here are some videos featuring my favourite diva. i never knew that she actually made these videos, cos they weren't promoted here in malaysia, and i didn't really have the brains to look it up youtube after all these while...


this is my favourite song from all of celine's. i dunno why, but i just love it. maybe because i also have a lot of secrets shared between me and my walls


another lovely song. i wish for the same things, but i guess i'll never figure if anyone ever needs me.


another beautiful song. just love the simple message in the song. so sweet, yet so sad at times.


a beautiful song for a beautiful movie. i watched the movie once, and it nearly brought me to tears. the ending was so touching.


seriously, do i have to get water from the moon to get you to love me.. then let me know.

well, here are some of the many songs from my favourite diva. who could have imagined that this lady, who's making millions singing english songs, couldn't even speak more than 10 english words when she first broke into the music scene.
she's a prove that determination and hard work pays off. she's an inspiration, and most of all, she's a miracle. she's placed upon a pedestal, high above the world, and yet her heart is ever so humble. seriously, i think i have got lots to learn from one of the greatest performer and singer of this century. and lastly, she's living proof that love does exists after all..

a new day

- i was waiting for so long, for a miracle to come. everyone told me to be strong. Hold on, and don't shed a tear.- a new day, celine dion (2002)

this phrase is just apt for my current condition. i was listening to her again this evening, and i have never been so connected to the song as today. although i've listened to this album and this song over and over again, this phrase came at the right time, telling me to hold on.

i am still stuck in the lab again, working until the break of dawn. luckily for tonight, i mananged to spend the fisrt half of the night with an old friend, hence it wasn't that bad. even managed to squeeze half an hour of mamak into my schedule. had a roti canai (i hear u guys yelling: calories!!) but i guess that will help me stay awake through the night.

met my supervisor this afternoon, and was given a lecture on my thesis. apparently, my lit. review isn't that impressive (only 8 pages), and my work was shoddy. guess i trimmed to much, trying to be as concise as ever. also, i lack proper resources to really write what i want to. it's not that i haven't been doing my homework (my other tabs are linked to some journals now), but i just don't see any work done regarding patin fish. what am i to write when i have no resources. excuses, i try not to make them. but there are times when my body, mind and soul is just so tired that i just wanna escape from all this..

somehow, today also got me thinking of a few what ifs... what if i have taken the scholarship to australia 3 years back.. would things be better? would i have to work like an ass here?? or what if i had gone to study psychology in some private college instead. will it be easier for me? i don't have to face all this shit..or what if i had asked to change my supervisor instead of just giving in into luck and fate?? ah, so many what ifs. but i guess it's too late to ponder on this. i'll just move forward, and await the new dawn. a better day. a new day.

- let the rain come down and wash away my tears. let it fill my soul and drown my fears. let it shatter the walls, for a new sun. a new day has come.-

ciao
je t'aime
ben

lazy thursday

it's 1.45 in the morning, and i am still in the lab. i know, i have been in the lab for the past few nights until really really late, but today is different. in fact, i am going to spend the night here in the lab. this is my first time spending a night in the lab. in fact, this is the first time i am overnighting in the campus. previously,i had to spend a week here for orientation (but that was before the semester started). but this is worst than orientation week. at least during orientation, i had a room (albeit shared), and proper sleeping hours. now, i can't even sleep properly as i have to attend to the machine every 1 and 1/2 hours. seriously, i really hope this sacrifice pays off.

my body is starting to send me signals telling me not to worry so much. for the past few weeks, my skin is getting bad. acne can be found all over my face and body. people have been coming up to me and tell me i looked stressed up. i just dismissed them, saying that it's the food that i've been taking. however, after these few nights, i can really see the changes. my face is getting worse. larger zits are popping up. and my sebum is acting up again. this morning, i could feel the dryness and tightness on my face. it's so bad, especially when i have to ride the motorcycle at 6.30 in the morning to head up to the campus.the crisp air nearly destroyed my face. then, there are other signs my body is telling me to rest... my nose is slowly being blocked. my throat is getting sore.my chest feels congested. shoulders are really tensed up. and my abdomen hurts intermittenly. u may think i'm a little wimpy and can't survive a few nights of extra work... but i really dread to fall ill. it's because i feel the impact of the illness almost twice as bad as a common person does. coupled with a emotional and psychological turmoil, it'll take days, and probably weeks before i could fully recover.

to top everything, my thesis is not picking up momentum. maybe it's because of me writing at this ungodly hour, but i just can't get it going. writing juices are not flowing out, and i've been staring at the same page for hours. gosh. what am i to do...

well, guess that's all for tonight. i could feel the beckoning from the comforts of my bed, but i guess i'll just have to bear with this for a few more nights. maybe i'll catch 40 winks later.

ciao
je t'aime
ben

chinese solar festival- keng chek

today is march the 5th. according to the chinese solar calendar, today marks the start of the second month. it is also known as 'keng chek' in cantonese, or simply put: awakening of the insects. it is the third festival in the 24 heavenly breaths and earthly branches calendar. this calendar is also referred to as the peasant's calendar or the solar calendar, and coincides with our Gregorian calendar.

so, what makes this day so special? farmers back in ancient China believe that today, there will be a loud thunder clap from the skies, awakening all insects that went for hibernation in the winter. it also marks the start of work for the farmers. they are expected to till the soil and start germinating seeds to be planted.

however, today is also the day of the tiger. more specifically, the day the white tiger opens its mouth. often referred to as 'fu yeh'(cantonese) or 'hor yeah'(hokkien). this tiger(god) is worshipped in various temples and can normally be found on an altar near the floor. he is believed to be able to protect the individual, and also to help keep enemies at bay.

have you seen movie scenes in which chinese ladies will beat up a small piece of paper cut up in the shape of man, while cursing the paper. that paper is called 'small-person' (meaning enemy), and beating it will actually help keep the 'small person' at bay. well, today is the day to do so, as the tiger will help chase the 'small person' away, and at the same time prevent it from causing harm to other people. this is the reason why we sometimes see all the 'small-person' pasted on the walls close to the statue of the white tiger.

offerings to the white tiger is very unique also. instead of offering flowers and food (as to other deities), offerings to the white tiger must include one duck egg, and a fat slice of fresh lard (pig fat). the egg is offered near the feet of the tiger, while the slice of lard is wiped across it's mouth, and placed on it's head. it is believed that he appreciates eating such food (after all, tigers are carnivorous) and will protect the person that offers such things. quirky huh.

well, guess that's all for today. i really enjoy writing posts on chinese cultures and beliefs, and don't be surprised if i keep on writing posts like this. however, it won't be often, and i'll check the almanac for any other updates. haha

so long
ciao
je t'aime
ben

p.s. normal post tomorrow.. haha

twice-a-tuesday

today is just not right. everything seems so wrong, and everything seems to be repeating itself. firstly, i am still stuck in the lab again. just like last night. in fact, i'll have to leave later tonight, about 12.30am (i left bout 11 last night). secondly, everything that i do, i just have to do them twice. i have to weigh my samples again, run the same test again, run the same analysis again, and even studied for yet another wrongly-scheduled test. everything just seem so wrong. even the browsers for my computer needs to be clicked twice. gosh.


i've missed gym for two days now. i do wonder, is it for better or for worse? i feel more tired, and more taxed out compared to my gym sessions. besides, all this are also taxing my mind. i am running out of thoughts and ideas. even blogging now seems dreadful as i am suffering from a certain mental block..

ok, just one interesting thing...i was convinced that the campus have no good looking people at all.. until this morning. i just happen to climb the stairs to my lab, and i this guy was decending it. gosh.. he's just perfectly fine. got me startled for a moment.. and i couldn't look at him in the eye..ah.so i was proven wrong..now, i wonder if he's a student, or just an outsider. but seriously, i've never seen a chinese boy so slim, so fair, so tall, so perfect in all aspects. and his smile.. wow. and most importantly, he was dressed up formally and seemed to be glowing...(either that, or my eyes were blinded).. haha. so, good looking ppl do exist... pity none will turn their eyes to look my way.

this is in response to a comment from my previous blog. mich, it's not that i refuse help. it's just that i am not getting help at all. i am not perfect, and not all demanding. i also need help at times. and now is the time that i need the most, and i find myself doing everything alone.

enough for tonight. my mind is slowly shutting down
ciao
je t'aime
ben

uni nite

from the title, it may sound like a prom nite or a ball. but it's far from that. it's a ridiculous monday night, and i am seated in the lab typing this post at half past nine. apart from the vermins, saurians and other creatures of the night, i guess i am the only soul here, still working. all this for the sake of my final year project. often, i question.. why do i have so much to do while my peers are taking it so easy? why do others have help from their seniors while i have to do it all by myself?? then i realise, maybe this will help me in the future. maybe this will make me stronger. make me a better person. i am not even sure if research is in my blood, but i guess my stubborness and spirit will get me going..however, i am blessed to know that i have many friends and also my family supporting me. it's good to know that all these people have given me unconditional support and love, and i really can't thank them enough.

now, for the fun side of life.. went to watch step up 2 this afternoon. it's not as good as the first one, but i wouldn't say that it's bad either. they are just of different elements. however, the first one have more dance moves, whereas this one has got loads of disgusting ppl. plot is really thinner than muslin.. and the style of dancing is not exactly my liking (cos it's very break, rnb.. all of which i couldn't do). come on, a person my size wouldn't be able to spin on the head, stand on arms or even just break dance...(fear is also a factor). but there are also a few good scenes like the latin dance. the salsa is one of the most flirtatious dance, and it's also my fantasy to dance like that. my ideal partner should be able to dance and seduce me on the dance floor.. haha. all in all, just an ok movie.. however, one thing really swooned me over.. the lead guy's teeth. and his smile. gosh, his teeth is so perfect and white...ahh...

ok, apparently i shouldn't teach yoga for free.. but who would want to pay an amateur to teach. guess i'll forever be just the member on the floor. but i guess it's just fine to teach friends... well, decision in due time. and if it's for charity, maybe i'll just channel them to the spca..doggies in the pound, u may have hope for better shelter soon..haha

ok, i'll have to get back to work. guess this post is pretty concise about my thoughts for the moment. until next time, and wish me luck

ciao
je t'aime
ben

edit: guess what, i left my wallet at home. now, i am cashless and id-less. makes me no less different from an immigrant. hopefully no one will catch me later..

sunday= funday

this is the best sunday i had in months. it's been so long since i get to sleep in until about 10. and i don't even have to worry about going up to the campus. it was just a relieve to know that finally, i don't have to head to the campus on a sunday morning.

remember i was contemplating about japanese in my previous blog?? i don't have to contemplate anymore as i did go for japanese this afternoon. well, it's for brunch. so, me, mum, sis and grams went for japanese in yataimura. it's amazing how many plates of sushi me and my sis can down in less than an hour. we had all sorts, salmon, tuna, ebiko (japanese caviar), ebi, and also various types of rolls. and all those were for starters only... adding on, we had california temaki, 2 nabes, and a pot of tofu. really filled me to the brim...

the best part, i made it in time for yoga after the heavy brunch. thankfully, my yoga instructor cum diaper buddy decided to change her teaching style. it was soft yoga, and we got to relax...hehe. am so grateful for that. after yoga, it was another 90 minutes of work out, both cardio and weights. am so happy that prasis actually complimented me on my body shape. according to him, my body shape is looking better now. well.. now, i guess i'll just have to trim my waist, my hips, and tone my lower body. of course, i must not forget bout my upper body too.. and my wobbly arms. still a lot of work to do... yet happy doing it!!

speaking of yoga, i was encouraged by mich this afternoon to start teaching yoga. of course, i wouldn't be doing it in the gym yet, but she suggested me to start teaching to close friends. apparently, i could do it and i should start somehow.. am still contemplating. still wondering what to teach, and where to teach. anyone game for free yoga sessions?? just contact me then...

it's way past midnight and i am still chewing on dried meat (bak kua) from chinese new year. i bet it'll go straight into my hips and butt tomorrow..haha

changed my layout. mainly because of the adverts that i put up. but also because it was bad (according to alan). according to him, it made the blog look old. so, i guess i'll just have to change it back to 23 years old. haha

ok, enough for now.
ciao
je t'aime
ben

comfort food nite...

firstly, i would like to apologise to all my readers for the previous post. i know that it was really depressing. i don't mean to bring your spirits down, but i guess misery loves company.

well, i am feeling better now. in fact, my mood was so much better since last night. finally got over the fatigue and the lethargy of the weekend. i don't deny that my mood is still down, but i guess i could keep it beneath me now. i wanna enjoy the weekend!!!

am feeling a little guilty now, as i was pigging out on comfort food. had rather late lunch or hash browns and sausages. skipped dinner..until my sis pestered me to mcd's. besides, it was the drive-thru, so i don't mind. initially, was only supposed to get an oreo mcflurry for her. somehow, we got ourselves a pie each, her mcflurry, and my chocolate cornetto sundae..guess i'll have to work out all the calories tomorrow... or continue with a japanese lunch treat from mum (not sure if i wanna go yet).

am both happy and sad at the same time for my final year project. happy that it's done, almost complete. just one last phase to go. but am sad that after doing some analyses, realised that my diet isn't exactly effective for growth. but what's done is done. all i have to do now is to compile my results, write up my discussion, and i am all set to graduate. oh, am really glad that i my only exam paper is on the 22nd of april. guess i could slot in a genting trip after going for celine dion's concert.

i couldn't believe this, but i am still laughing to 'a cinderella story'. it may be corny or so...but watching repeats can really lift ur spirits. haha. i have to say, i really 'heart' hilary duff. lindsay, take a cue!!

just a random thought.. maybe i should send my resume for a post of lecturer in taylor's college in kl. perhaps i could teach biology and/or psychology. but it's just a passing thought.. mum and dad wants me to go to australia to pursue my master's degree..

ok for tonight.. still contemplating. yoga or japanese food?? (sign from tv now says japanese..no thanks to the advert from ajinomoto)

oh, another heart for mix fm. they played 2 celine songs back to back last yesterday morn. was so happy to hear alone and my heart will go on together. watched 'a new day' again last night, and was so just so happy to be able to sing to songs like 'i surrender', 'river deep, mountain high', and also 'to love you more'.. me on celine fever now..

ciao
je t'aime
ben