the last airbender

finally, after all the hype and anticipation, the film failed to live up to its expectation. probably i was expecting a little too much.. but still, when i first saw the trailer, i told myself that this is a must watch. however, after watching this film, i am not sure if i will wanna catch book 2 and book 3 or not. i do love the cartoons, and i do think it is amazing, but it failed to translate properly to film. seriously, m.night, go back to where you belong, and leave major blockbusters alone. and the cast.. gosh!! do something!!

looks like my blog is slowly turning into a monthly update, instead of an outlet for me to channel my thoughts and emotions. sometimes, i get so conflicted inside that i don't know where to start. hence, the stagnation. other times, i just feel so tired about everything and don't really wanna blog about anything anymore. actually, i am feeling very very tired now. all, physically, mentally and emotionally. i need a break to get away from all these problems, baggage.. again.

it's now more than a month since i last accepted my new job. this is on top and above my current job. besides that, i am also so actively engaged in rectifying the faults in the gardens that i realised that i have no time for myself anymore. there are just so many things to do.. and the worst part, i cannot save the world. it is not in my powers to save the world. even if i had, the world is not worth to be saved (but then again, that is another story altogether). i do hope that certain things can change, and there are things that i can be proud of eventually. but i do question myself. where do i move from here. i really need to move on, and get away from all these things.

what i thought i have left behind comes back and haunt me once in a while. the powers that be sure has a funny way of reminding me of certain things. and there are certain boundaries that should not be crossed or broken. yes. i see the truth. there are times when i wonder if it is a boon or a bane to be able to see so much, but in this case, it is a boon. it is good for prevention.

i do realise that my defense mechanism is rather weak when it comes to dealing with matters of the heart and the mind. i'd realise that i prefer to walk away, or just turn away, rather than confronting the problem and addressing the issue. and the only thing i do best, is to blame myself for what has happened. seriously, i think i need to change this..but then again, it is virtually impossible to change this as it's been ingrained in me for so long.

alright, gonna keep learning to move on now, and also move to the bed.
ciao

leaving

i think it doesn't matter anymore. even if it did, i will not let it have the best of me. i will soldier on, with or without your blessings, and i know i can make it through. after all, it is not the first, and neither is it the last. deep down, i'd wish that it would have been, but fact remains, it didn't. so be it, for i just want to be happy.

this time around, i really hoped that none will know, until i reach my destination. it wasn't really for the surprise element, but just that i don't wanna make a big deal out of it. after all, it is for business, and so what. no one will realise that i am gone, for none knows or remember my existance anymore.

it lingered, longer than a moment that it should. it was good to have it back, but equally bad to have it back. don't worry, as it will not move on. things and circumstances have changed so much that i don't even feel the warmth anymore. strangely, the figurative ice is starting to make literal sense.

i had the opportunity to take on certain task that was beyond my imagination years ago. and this time, i guess i was lucky or fated to see and feel the atmosphere that was needed. aided by samaritans, and being lucky (in a way), it gave me a good chance to be closer to an ancient power. if only it could last a little longer. am hoping that i'll be wiser in the near future.

having caught two movies back to back in the past few hours, i have to say, i did learn some really important things. again, i guess i am the only person that looks beyond a movie to comprehend the message. sometimes, i do wonder if it is worth it. probably i should be a dense head and just watch, laugh and leave. but why do i have to see it, read between the lines, and learn it? in any case, dreams are important,and sometimes, big things do happen if you don't stop dreaming.

i want to dream, but can i afford this dream?

i wish you well.

i learn, and will not stop learning.

goodbye and goodnight.

blog will be on hold while i'm in Japan for a few days.
will probably update it there, but if not, cheers

ciao

Nilla-paduma

as i type this, i'm letting another course of vodka take its effect in my system. this time, it's neat, so i guess it'll be faster, and stronger.

another week has come and gone. ever so fast, it'll be december. time for the holidays.. time where ppl be cheerful and merry. but i'm guessing this is not the time for me.. never was, never is, and probably never will be. i just hope i have more time, than to write articles, to enrol for my studies and head back to the university.

went for a walkabout in the rain this morning, as i was doing a photo assignment at the clan jetties. a lot of random thoughts came to my mind. one of which happens to be that i don't really like being out of my comfort zone. i live by a certain set of rules, and that have guided me for a long time. but sometimes, change is just inevitable.

instead of going for the movies tonight, decided to stay in. i still wanna watch Astro Boy and Christmas Carol (in 3D!!!)hopefully i can catch all of those before new moon.. another hot hot movie. i guess it's time to go back to the dreamgirls period, as i enter another phase of development.

i've just had another 'heart to heart' talk, with a somewhat inconvenient source. somehow it doesn't seem proper and right, but i guessed i've done the damage. was asked to rank a few ppl in my life.. honestly, there are no rankings. i care for all.. especially to those that i have once held dear..

mid-week, i've realised 'nilla-paduma'. the blue lotus. no matter how murky the water is, the filth in the swamp, the lotus will always emerge, unharmed, beautiful, clean and pure. this is closely relevant... and with blue, it's a target for me to gain better 'idhi'.. i used to have some, and was subsequently clouded. hopefully, one day, i've cultivated enough idhi and prana, and i shall be free...

ok, time to retreat to my bed as the vodka is taking its effect.

btw, it's still not bringing any tears.. and this time, not even the saddest movie clip featuring dogs could make me cry anymore.. probably will need help soon.. hehe

ciao

Up

To some, it may be another brilliant Pixar animated movie. As for others, it seems like a complete waste of time (where's ur sense of humour?). but for me, i guess the message was just glaring, and just so in my face. I couldn't think of any better metaphor other than that used by Pixar. i guess a floating house, a stubborn dream, a lifetime passion, and the many sins of man will come to rest someday. man can only dream that much, but reality bites, and sometimes, the most unexpected little thing will manage to bring us back to our reality, and cherish those moments lost when we were busy building castles in the air. I guess it resonates that man can only dream that much, and ideally, a dream shall stay a dream. we may be near to achieving it, but as mere mortals, who are we to challenge the powers of Morpheus?? But there was another point on relationship, in which i guess is lost in the present world. the image of trust, loyalty and loving towards the end is marred by celebrity marriages and divorces, changing the very meaning of 'till death do us part'. i guess, in some complex part of my subconscious, this is also the very thing that prevents me from engaging in human emotions.

well, enough of analysing up. am gearing up for a full day ahead, for the next few days. i guess i would be so taxed upon that i fear that i may not be able to carry on my energy towards the end of the week. i guess somehow, there's another fear when i engage in such long, taxing weeks.. somehow, it will end with more trouble, and the devil will just show up uninvited. i guess the experience from the last time gave me a little phobia on this..

partly related, i don't really know how to proceed from this juncture. it seems like i am wearing a mask, and entertaining, but i still have my reservations. i am not sure if i am ready to repeat a previous mistake, and allow it to happen. however, i do not know how to isolate, either party.. i need some signs and some help.

am also finding the strength to weather the future, and the storm. again, somewhere around this time last year, i was lost, and shattered.. however, i hope it doesn't occur this time. i don't wanna go through another turmoil, and i need to channel my energy for the better good.

ciao

Ave Maria

It's been two tumultus week since i last posting anything on the site. There came a point when i wanted to leave it as it is, as a reminder to myself on the percieved opinion of me.. however, i think it's time to move on, and not let another person affect me anymore.

I guess i was lost in so many ways when the letter came. But i guess i was lucky that i had my angels to guide me through the darkness. they thought me how it was to be a better person, someone with more sense, the the knowledge that it is not worth throwing away everything that i have earned for myself for some folly. but then again, the letter also made me think.. if i'd been described to such an evil person, perhaps i should live up to the reputation.. hahaha

I found a new meaning to life to, when i actually took the time off to volunteer at the shelter. there, i met a new set of beings, of life, which treasures friends and company, and will love back at no cost. i guess those dogs that i have played with thought me a very beautiful lesson. and they are really beautiful in their own.. i wonder if i can ever face the fact that some of these lovely creatures will be put to sleep because of anthropogenic actions on them..

I gave myseld another chance, and caught 17again.. and boy, that movie has the greatest faux pas ever!! come on, hippogriffs were not in existence in 1989!! (same goes to harry potter)!! btw, those spock ears are really funny (i guess it's a tribute of sorts to the recent star trek movie). a certain person commented that it would give anything to be with zac efron.. seriously? i guess he's too busy making movies, being famous and a himbo that he'll barely have time to realise what love really is (btw, he's got v.hudgens)..anyway, i'll only give the movie rating 4/10. didn't really enjoy it.

Am now drowning myself with work, and may even try to apply to do my internship with ensearch..hopefully, i'll be selected, and off i go, two weeks to some other country, to learn about environment and what's not. it beats being in this place, going along with my routine.

also, am in the midst of researching a suitable topic to be submitted as a proposal to further my studies. i guess eventually, i'm more suited in the academy, whereby human contact is limited, and i can really pour myself over all those books, reports etc.

'Sometimes love can come and pass you by
While your busy making plans
Suddenly hit you and then you realize
It's out of your hands, baby you got to understand'

I picked this line up from beyonce's ave maria.. i do wonder..

'In your heart, can't you feel the glory?'

Another line telling me to stay strong.
lastly, from my celine:
'what do say to taking chances?'

i guess i should start to take my chances, rather than lying low and fade away. i shall pull myself from the shadow pits, and make myself stronger and brighter. I'll never know if there's hell beneath or a hand to hold, but at least i can say that i've tried.

ciao
'Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee'

Hibernation

Once again, u'll find me apologising for not being able to blog so often. it's not like i am not connected to the internet, it's just that i hardly have the time, and the energy to blog anymore.

the past few weeks have been haywire for me. it's so hectic, and it has yet to come to an end. however, after next week, i'll be able to breath a hugh sigh of relief..and probably should take a break too..

oh, just wanna share that i'm bloggin from my new desktop in the office.. just love it. i can see the jealousy in my colleagues' faces, but heck, i deserve it. however, have yet to load all the accessories in.. hehe. besides, it's vista, so i may take a while to accomodate to the changes.

managed to catch a few movies since the last post, including I Love You, Man; Wolverine; and Angels and Demons. suprisingly, they are all very good. i love Wolverine because of Remy LeBeau (aka Gambit). Angels and Demons, wow..amazing replica of the vatican city, and the rites (oo.. ewan mcgregor is really hot there). and surprisingly, I Love You, Man is not a bad watch too. a very new genre/theme of bromance.. and it shows a different aspect of man..hmm

anyway, got to get back to work
ciao
ben

birthdays?

15 days had passed, and it's the end of the chinese new year celebration. For me, it's not exactly a grand do, but it's also not exactly a new year that i can forget. Compared to the person that i was many years ago, i've toned down by leaps and bounds. in fact, i do not look forward for chinese new year as much now.. [heck, i look forwards to nothing now].

apart from celebrating the end of the new year (which was nothing), we also celebrated alan's birthday last night. it was such wonder to see the surprise on his face, and seeing him so happy on the night itself. the dinner, the presents and presence (quote unquote from the b'day boy) and the two lovely cakes. being able to celebrate with him also generated another thought of mine... that i should avoid doing anything this year. in fact, i should just run away, take a vacation, go somewhere and avoid all these.. i should have severed all connections, turn off my phone and the internet and all, and go MIA for the day (or two).

today seemed a little weird for me, as i'm bowled over by a flurry of emotions. probably it's just me being me, but i somehow can't explain what i am feeling now. earlier, about noon, i was so happy, jumping on my chair, rejoicing on the fact that my ticket to hong kong has been booked. the euphoria was so much that i even agreed for a bangkok trip soon..

however, i think it died down a moment ago, and got me thinking and relooking my thoughts. why am i so happy?? should i be so happy?? and what is wrong with me??
even the very fact that my boss just informed me that he'll revise my pay (doubling the increment), i still couldn't share the happiness. heck, something must be really wrong with me...

anyway, i guess that's all for now. btw, go watch red cliff 2, if u love ancient china history. it's really really nice, and takeshi kaneshiro is simply awesome in it.. superb effects too, and great closure to the first part.

adieu
ben

shopaholics unite

'walking around with load of bags'.. i believe, that would be the greatest satisfaction for any shopaholic. and it was exactly what i felt when i went shopping for my new year clothes. with all the bags, and watching money being converted into apparel, the euphoric feeling is just to great to contain inside. anyway, bought myself quite a number of things.. new levi's, new t-shirts, new workout pants and all.. haha. it was the best feeling in the world.

and i guess it all didn't end there, cos i just ended up paying another huge sum for a pair of shoes.. those boots were irresistable.. and heck! those boots were made for walking.. hahahahahah.

as mentioned in my previous blog, am now on holiday for CNY. but again, the addiction got the better part of me, and am now seated in coffee bean, with my msn and facebook turned on.. haha. anyway, the holidays will do me bad, cos i kinda put on weight (am at 65 now.. bad number).. must try to reduce to less than 60. haha

anyway, gtg now. am gonna catch yet another movie!! oh, btw, inkheart is really nice! it was really what i have in mind, when story books come to life. in fact, it's like a metaphore to what i always experience, when i pick up a good book..
up next: bride wars..haha

ok, really have to go.
ciao

Post-holiday blues

Probably i'm the only person to suffer from post-holiday blues, even into the second week of work. Somehow or other, i just couldn't pick up the energy, the momentum and the drive to really get back to work. everything in me feels so stagnant.. non-moving. and to think that chinese new year is just round the corner (another break of about 8 days).. am wondering where to get the inspiration to write the concept paper and proposal as assigned by boss (he kinda picked me for the task)..

Saturday was a blast, as i was fired with so much energy that i didn't feel tired, even working from 8.30 to 5, then continued with dinner, movie and hanging out in coffee bean until 1. probably that was the long awaited recharge that i needed.. but sadly, it only lasted for a day.. am so moodless that i'm not even sure if i could conduct class tomorrow night.

Went for an unexpected movie on saturday, with unexpected results. the movie, They Wait, was surprisingly good, for an unknown producer. although the timing for the release of such a movie is rather weird (it's a horror movie), the plot was quite okay. it was developed and fleshed out well, incorporating the customs and cultures of two different world. the only thing is that, WHY animate vampires to look like weird claw-like creatures??

ok, enough for the moment.. the lazy bug is still hanging onto me.. can't seem to get anything done.. haha

until the next post,
just wait!!

ben

p.s. Celine's latest compilation album is worth obtaining, as the extra songs are really really really nice!!

elephant brains?? probably not

Isn't it funny how Alan mentioned about a tiff about me and him that i can't seem to remember... probably age has caught up with me, drying up my brain cells to the point that i can't even remember such happenings (and mind you, apparently, it was only a few months back). either that, or i've been throwing one too many tantrums that i can't even remember who i am mad with anymore..

speaking of getting mad, i guess there's no better way to end the year than being a cranky, moody sour grape. it was misery, bent on ruining me.. the day was bad to start with (interrupted sleep), then, horrendous nap that zapped my energy.. then, other incidents concerning my dressing.. and finally, spending hours waiting and waiting for things to happen. waiting for people to turn up, waiting for seats, waiting for food...argh.. but i guess i just have to bear with it.. after all, i had quite a good year, so cut me some slack and just let me be moody for once.. haha.

caught two movies back to back again yesterday.. i guess that's not a bad way to fill the day.. watched lady cop and papa crook (starring alan's fav diva, sammi cheng), then went for adam sandler's bedtime stories.. i guess i kinda expected more from bedtime stories, but it just fell flat and way way way lower than my expectations.. probably i should have saved my money for inkheart instead (after all, brandon fraser is better than adam sandler). at least, i'll get to see him transported into the realm of fantasy and magic (something that doesn't happen in reality)[sigh]..

once again, no new year resolutions. after all, why make them when you intend to break them as soon as the clock strikes midnight?? but somehow, as i was standing underneath the fireworks, welcoming the minute, i said a silent prayer.. and without the doubt, it's for everyone around me to be happy at all times. as alan had put it, i have a really cool gang of friends that will always be with me. so, wishing them bliss and happiness is the least i could do for them..

random thought: i'm actually very vain.. haha. in fact, as my granny put it to her friends this morning, i do appreciate being praised from her friends.. haha.
anyway, people have been telling me that i've lost weight again (not just one, but a few), but i do doubt that, and i think i should lose another few kilograms (for assurance). besides, i also need to tone up my body (for reasons that i don't know), improve my flexibility, and probably built some strength?? (again, for no apparent reasons.. so i guess that's not a priority).

ok, enough for now (am heading off to the gym earlier so that i can practise my balance)..

ciao
have a happy new year

ben

out with the old, in with the new...

In one of my previous blogs, i did mention that i had wanted to stay home to celebrate the new year... but guess what.. the social butterfly in me couldn't give up the opportunity to go out to party.. so, i'll be out again.. hehe. hopefully i won't do or think of something that will hurt me physically and mentally. i don't think i can handle it anymore, as i am already at the brink of breaking down.

looking back, another 365 days have passed.. good and bad times.. mostly good, but there were down times also. however, i guess i shouldn't complain, as i still have a house to call home.. am glad that i've finally finished my studies, and am now a working professional. am also really happy that i get to meet so many people and rub shoulders with the who's who in the local scene.. guess there's blessing in waking up at 7am daily..

2008 also saw me progressing from a common gym member, to an instructor. what started off as a very hard journey surely paid off. what i've endured, the disappointment and all.. i guess i've learned from my mistakes, and also from others.. biggest lesson: there's no perfection in this world.

somewhere in the middle of the year, i took a giant leap of faith.. sadly, i tumbled and fell hard on the face. although i managed to stand back on my feet, the scar will never disappear. it'll forever remain as a scar (in fact, i am on the verge of breaking into tears as i write this).. however, i've realised that i've made the wrong judgement, and will learn from this terrible mistake. will never walk this road again..

movies, i've watched aplenty this year. caught almost all major blockbusters.. hehe.
latest watch: the spirit, and yes man. well, do watch the spirit if you are a fan, or you simply love graphic novels, or just wanna watch a pseudo-noir film.
as for yes man, it was a great watch. really loved the message in the movie. i must admit, i am more of a pessimistic person, and would rather say no than yes.. hehe.

ok, enough blogging to end the year with.
have yourselves a blessed new year.
until we meet again, next year.

ciao
ben

ooooo, had forgotten to mention. 2008 is also great cos i'd actually attended the concert for celine dion. it was the highlight of the year, and probably in my entire life of grey..

waterfall..

i seriously have no idea what's gotten into me lately.. my mood is more volatile than a pms-ing woman. and gosh, i lose my patience at the slightest thing. besides, ppl around me could sense the anger and resentment.. probably the b**** is coming back!! haha.

watched twilight on saturday nite (after a series of unfortunate events). gosh, the movie is just so nice to watch.. i have to admit, it's rather light (what do u expect from chick flicks), but i really love it. the best part, i get to chuckle and laugh at parts from the movie while others are left in a blur.. all thanks to the book. oh, btw, robert pattinson... gorgeous at some angle, weird at some angle.. falling a little short of the edward cullen i had in mind. as for alice.. wow. she's an angel. simply amazing. anyway, do watch it with an open heart.. and then, follow up with a reread of the book. u'll get to the missing scenes, but trust me, u can play them in ur head with the beautiful cast.. verdict: book over movie (but movie is still not that bad)

went to the floral fest yesterday. not amazed.. in fact, a little disappointed as the fest is really really toned down!! come on, they could do so much better. and it ended bitterly.. cos i was caught in the rain. was drenched.. so much for floral fest. didn't even get to purchase some roses so that i can plant them at home
(and possibly the office).

went to the clan jetty after floral fest. this is my first time taking a walk at all those famed clan jetties.. it's such a different sight, different life from the urban one that i am living. imagine that, they don't even have proper sanitary systems...haha. but it's really an experience to be enjoyed. at least, now i can proudly say that i've been to the jetties (and to a certain extent, walked to the middle of the ocean..haha).

anyway, i just discovered one of the most amazing waterfall in bukit dumbar. for 3 years, i've been up and down the road, and never once did i notice that there's a waterfall behind those flats. and just now, i just saw it, and it was so amazing. kinda hard to locate initially, but when i finally did, the waterfall was breath-taking. sadly, there's development right in front of the waterfall, therefore, it's not an ideal recreational area. will try to trace the source via google earth (can't climb the surroundings, as it's too steep).

another week, better work hard. christmas is round the corner, and i have already put up the x'mas tree.. hehe. yup. however, due to inflation and the economic downturn, decided to reuse last years baubles and theme.. therefore it's blue and white again.. probablt it's an indication of my mood.. always blue.. hahahaha.

am now caught at the cross roads.. when should i submit my application form to return to my studies, and what should i really apply for?? should i pursue my dream and become a marine biologist, or become a zoologist, or perhaps become an environmentalist?? i seriously have no idea.. besides, i really want to tie it to my job, so that i don't give up my current job..

anyway, just realised that i've been taken for granted once too often. probably it's time to relook my options, and probably learn how to say no!

finally, am still in the process of coping. at least now i can have limited conservation with the person..at least, i am no longer chasing waterfalls.

ciao
ben

Silly moments

Here are just some silly moments that happened over the past few days..

1. went hiking on sunday. i guess i was kinda rushing up the hill, so when i reached the peak and stopped...yours truly blacked out. thankfully it was for about 20 secs, and i managed to pull myself back to the bench. note to self: never stop abruptly!!

2. went to the bank just now, and suffered quite a blow.. literally. firstly, i tripped on the pavement (thankfully i'm in slacks).. and as i was leaving the bank, i actually pulled the door and knocked it against my nose.. am still in a little pain..

3. body pump last night.. well, it's actually kinda weird considering that everyone decided to use the barbell for shoulders, except for me (was using plates instead).

4. Body Balance last evening.. it was an impromptu tt session, hence i was dressed in black top (which by the way, looks like a parachute). apparently, it was so dark last evening that they could hardly see me on stage :(

ok, back to normal postings.. hehe.
so, watched madagascar 2.. like it, but not really loving it. somehow or other, i just can't stand the fact of having one too many zebra's acting, speaking and moving the same..
and moto-moto.. walao, that hippo..i am just speechless.
as for king julien.. the usual, silly in his own way
oh, watch out for the irritating granny. really felt like walking up to her and shoot her.. haah

am still awaiting twilight!! it just looked so cool. as for robert pattinson, i just don't know.. at some angle, he looks divine.. other angle, just wrong.. hmm. wonder if he could really play the 'edward cullen' in my head..

am still kicking myself hard on the butt for silly mistake done on sunday. i shouldn't have walked over there, and took that bite.. i'm like a stupid fish, biting on the line, knowing that i would be killed and eaten for dinner..

guess that's all for now

Happy Thanksgiving!!

ciao
neb

10 days.. again

10 days have passed since i last blogged. am so busy with work lately that i could barely blog anymore..

anyway, watched quantum of solace already. seriously, it's not worth it!! wasn't good, and left me leaving the cinema feeling very dirty, grimmy, disgusted and hot. daniel craig have lost his charm here.. instead, he's just like any other rogue killer. didn't see the 'machoness' in James Bond anymore.

Next up will be Madagascar 2!! i just can't wait to watch it.. (and move it move it). haha. seeing those psychotic penguins in the thriller really makes me wanna go and laugh my head off in the cinema. well, will schedule it for this weekend then.

Finally achieved magic in my bodybalance.. haha. it was ethereal. and mind u, it was only half class. was in such a good mood, that i've actually connected so much that i didn't even realise about it. well, it was just beautiful..and the euphoria after that was even better..haha

anyway, like any mallrat in penang, popped over into gurney plaza new wing on saturday. beautiful.. but kinda cold again. probably because i've gotten so used to the old wing, and the comfort it brings.. now, it's kinda cold.
but then, they do carry really good labels there.. nearly bought a CK bag for like, 500++ bucks. but sound judgement prevailed, hence sparing me a lifetime of poverty..haha

went hiking yesterday, all the way up to penang hill. now, i can proudly say that i have conquered one of the most iconic places in penang..by foot!! yes!! i made it!! it was beautiful up there.. and exploring all those bungalows..simply beautiful. even went over to the old crag hotel. built in 1929, it was abandoned a few decades ago.. such a sad sight. if i'm filthy rich, i would surely restore it to its original splendour.. oh, and am so happy to see the giant black squirrel, and also a dead paradise tree snake.

finished writing my proposal for an international grant... am wishing that boss will be pleased with it. spent a lot of time thinking about it, k!

ciao
Ben

past

I've been so caught up with work lately that i barely have time for myself anymore.. it may be a good thing, or a bad thing, i am still not sure. at least it's taken my mind off certain problems, filling them with visions of success instead.

am so happy now that my boss actually thinks that my concept paper is good. it's this first time i am writing such things (normally done by seniors and ceo). only problem is the over estimate of budget..hehe. asking for USD 100k for a project.. haha.

i just realised that i have eliminated a certain section of my past from my life.. my high school days have been repressed to a certain nook in my heart that i can barely remember the events anymore. and then there are certain ppl that just don't exist in my life anymore (until i see their faces pop up in facebook).. in a way, i am happy.. but i also wonder if it's the correct thing to do or not..

also, am reconstructing the walls from the past.. yes. i guess it's time to reconstruct those walls that have long crumbled. i guess my heart and soul will be better living in those walls, oblivious to the pain and hurt caused from beyond. it's hard, and it hurts.. but i guess it will be better in time..

am going to go watch quantum of solace tomorrow.. bought tickets.. am wondering will it be good....i never really enjoyed james bond (heck,i only watched a few such as the world is not enough, tomorrow never dies, and casino royale)

ok, back to work and do more planning for more events..

ciao
ben

recap

a quick recap on events that happened over the week..

1. watched butterfly lovers. am utterly disappointed with it. not exactly true to the original story, and just too much lovey-dovey scene (or probably i was just too tired at that point).

2. watched the coffin. now, this is a recommended show. deep understanding and comprehension required. and karen joy is simply beautiful. also keep an eye out on the siamese dude with a hot british accent.. so cool.

3. went for halloween party in TGIF. well, it was fun, and really nice. spent an hour on makeup and all..hehe. and mind u, it was very simple basic make-up. but i have to admit, the effects were marvellous. i could really personify dead goth rock star well...hehehe

4. went for the oh-so-famous tan kee duck rice in lunas. not worth it.. the duck rice is nothing compared to the shop in paya terubong, or in hutton lane. don't even bother spending RM13.20 for the toll just to eat duck rice there!! and this trip also showed how urban i was.. gosh, the ppl there are just too.....blah

5. finally went to aeon bandar perda and sunway carnival... nothing interesting. it's so boring. either that, or i guess we have queensbay and gurney which is way more superior than those two across the straits..

6. am starting to gain 'unwanted' attention.. from the most unexpected places. one was while i was buying breakfasat in the Subaidah in USM, and one happened while i was driving home. and then there was the one in the car at gurney, and while window shopping in aeon bandar perda.. hmm. what was it?? was it those utterly cool shades??
or my new crop??

7. busy week ahead. class, talks, meetings, and interviews.. haih!! and reports to write.. statistics to cover...i am really looking forward to the year-end break!!

guess that's enough for now. am trying to finish a report so that i can attend another meeting later peacefully.

ciao
ben

diwali weekend

It's the second day back in the office after a long weekend. quite hectic, as certain plans and deals crop up..

anyway, friday's dinner was beautiful.. it was at the view, equatorial hotel, and the food is simply delicious. i had quite a number of fresh oysters, had some caviar, pate, and last but not least, the best maincourse: the cod fish.
it was so fresh and so beautifully cooked. but i guess the most beautiful part is that i get to eat all those for free..hehe.

had my hair cropped on saturday (actually spent about 4 hours in the salon)..now, it's shorter at the sides, but still long at the front..hehe. something different, and have generated quite a number of praises.. the weirdest?? i'm radiating, due to the new haircut..hehe

watched hsm3 on saturday nite.. unplanned. actually went for a chinese opera, however, was so hungry that i couldn't finish the opera and went off after they have finished singing all the chinese oldies. as for hsm3, was ok. preferred mamma mia (i'm biased). overload of zac efron again..really love sharpay evans..hehe.
best part?? there was this whole bunch of teenage blokes behind me cheering and even singing to the movie...gosh (and i thought they have grown out of hsm..) was also surprised that my company actually watched this kind of movies...hmm.

monday was diwali...nothing special except that i was awaken by loud explosions of firecrakers. honestly, these ppl have no consideration for others who love to have their beauty sleep. come on, the firecrakers lasted until about 2 and started as early as 7.30 in the morning!!

had diwali lunch at lav's place.. food was just passable. however, really took her mum a long time to prepare everything...probably it was also due to the fact that i had no appetite for anything in the afternoon (suffered from colic).

dinner was just plain silly, as i actually had 2 bowls of dessert..hmm. talk bout me having sweet teeth. guess i better lower my sugar intake....hehe

am anticipating halloween this friday..am finally gonna go for a party at TGI, and this time, with deathly make-up (hopefully). am trying to get eyeliner and all from alexandra..hehe. have my wardrobe planned out (actually, it was just staring me at the face)...

ok, signing off now, as i am getting ready to leave work and go for another movie (butterfly lovers)..

ciao
ben

Law....Murphy's Law

Remember how i have been talking about Murphy's law in the past few posts...well, i guess this is no exception, especially during the event held yesterday. to begin with, it was a joint event of international chef's day and world children's day.. my organisation was the main organiser for the world children's day.. everything was supposed to turn out right...but it didn't..

Initially, i was supposed to be only in charge of the potato printing session.. but eventually, i had to leave to take over the floor, be the stage manager, and worse... have to become the Master of Ceremony for the concert. OK, it wasn't any formal concert, and is held at the amphitheater... but i was only wearing jeans and a black tank top.. thank goodness i had my padini hoodie..but still, i was drenched in sweat by the time i took the stage to host the event.. haih.

However, looking back, i don't think i am discouraged by what happened. although i wasn't prepared and informed that i have to become the MC, i guess i managed to play it well by ear. got the concert moving even without a prepared speech text... and thankfully not embarrass myself in front of the Chief minister and his entourage. last but not least, am also glad that ppl actually like my voice and my command of the language. i did falter at times, but i guess it wasn't that apparent [had an american guy coming up to me to congratulate me on my skills]. i guess that was the best satisfaction...ah..

Murphy's law also affected me on friday... haha..when i had to teach balance. I was actually early, as i managed to change in the office (about 4.30), left the office at 5 sharp, but still barely made it into the gym by 5.20 (distance between gym and office is about 10 minutes).. silly me, cos i kinda dropped my ipod in the car as i was about to leave the car, and spent another 2 minutes looking for it.. and then there were those horrible drivers who doesn't know how to drive....

moving on, watched disaster movie last friday [with the gals].. so fun to finally catch up on movie with my two besties.. and i dare say, disaster movie was hilarious.. however, am a little freaked out with gremlin-like versions of alvin and the chipmunks.. and boy, that juno baby was freaky.. haha. one thing though.. the protagonist is kinda cute..

am not watching max payne cos was told that it's not nice [boring, in fact]
wanna catch butterfly lovers.....[hopeless romantic]
may catch Quantum of Solace
HSM3....probably, when i am just too bored..haha

random act: skipped gym for the whole week...except to teach balance.. guess the change is kinda drastic, but probably it's for the best...
also..started to change my saturday night programme.. not sure how it may end up.. again, it's probably for the best.

oh, speaking of saturday...went speed hiking up the hills. went up via botanical gardens and took me about 30 to 40 minutes to reach the stop (No 84). it was swift and fast (in fact, i was nearly sprinting). My hiking partner (who used to be better than me in stamina) actually had to stop for some while, complaining that i have developed 'yoga lungs' and was basically sprinting up the hill... haha. if only. in fact, i felt kinda slow, and shouldn't have stopped to wait for him.

well, it was a pleasant hike as the skies were lovely. it's been raining for the past few days and it really drains the mood.. the best part was that we even saw a huge (about 2m) long rat snake.. it was a little funny at first that ppl were actually afraid of it and was waiting for the snake to pass, but me, being a zoologist, could just identify the snake and walked pass it nonchalantly.. haha..
that's the beauty of being a zoologist..

ok, i guess i should stop now, as the post is getting longer and longer.

oh, by any means, i am in a really good mood today (probably it's from the coffee mexican bun from tesco).. haha

ciao
je t'aime
ben

Week review..

Another week has gone by without any postings..hehe. i know i keep on apologising for the delay in blogging, but i guess sometimes, i just run out of things to blog about.

Anyway, here are some interesting things which happened:

1. Malaysia politics have gone haywire. People were anticipating, and some even afraid to go to work or carry on with their daily activities on Sept 16th. Eventually, nothing happened and ppl have called Anwar a bluff.. i wonder, will he ever take over the govt??

2. Malaysia laws went haywire..hehe. the home ministry used the ISA against 3 ppl (Tan Cheng Hoon, Teresa Kok and Raja Petra). so far, 2 have been released, leaving Raja Petra under the ISA..seriously, that law is not supposed to be invoked just like that. well, i guess they could include the detention of Ms Tan in the M'sian Book of Records for being held under ISA for the shortest term (18 hours). anyway, the main culprits were not detained, charged or prosecuted...(lovely laws m'sia have)..
btw...i did sign the petition to release teresa kok, k!!

On more personal matters:

1. Congratulations to Lav for graduating.. it's amazing that she didn't even remind me. anyway, hope she loves the teddy bear that we got her...haha

2. Watched 'The Other Boleyn Girl' on tuesday (decided to skip gym due to bad mood)..really nice. i can't really describe how nice it was.. and natalie portman is really good as anne boleyn. first time watching Scarlett Johannson, and i dare say, not bad..

3. Went for sneak preview of Mamma mia.. and boy, i love the musical. it was a pity that i couldn't get the tickets to watch the musical in west end the last time, hence catching the movie was superb. anyway, i may even consider going down to KL for the musical at the end of the year. but before that, probably i may watch the movie again, and probably get the dvd.. hehe.

4. Attended a friend's wedding last friday. gosh, the wedding was pathetic. enough said. in fact, after dinner plans were better as we finished a bottle of jack daniels..and gambled a little. anyway, 5 shots of JD and i am still sober..woohoo!!! as to the matter of when will i be married....i have the answer: NEVER!! haha

5. Insults and false hope surround my now-pathetic 'love life'... haha. firstly, i was told that i radiate the 'queer' vibe. gosh.. how could that be? now i am insulted. and probably my ears weren't doing me justice over the week... false hopes of being in an open relationship..blah. that won't work. i guess jealousy and insecurity will consume me faster if i ever get into an open relationship.. haha.
of sacrifice, i guess i have done too much.. time to back down a little as i am being unappreciated..

ok, enough for now. wanna get back to work

ciao

ben

Graduation

It's finally happened. 3 years ago, i stepped into the university as a freshman. 3 years of work, 3 years of play, 3 years of exams, 3 years of headache... and it's all over now. i'm not a graduate. happily a graduate!! haha!! and the best part, i'm blessed with superb friends to celebrate my graduation... it was such an amazing moment, just walking in front of the pro-chancellor to receive my scroll. such amazing feeling to be in the suit, with the purple robes, the golden sash, and the mortar board... so amazing.

finally had my first margarita, from chillis. and it felt like a rip off.. not that it is pricy or wat, but seriously, i'd prefer a margarita in a glass and not a mug!! heck!! anyway, will try to post up the pix on facebook..hehe

watched zohan on saturday night.. except for the ridiculous accent, the discriminatory and deregatory remarks, and the amazingly 'large' bulge, i guess the best part to wait in the whole movie is the special appearance of a certain diva. i didn't expect that, but the diva was given her extra 5 minutes of fame (besides her other many many years of fame)...so cute..

happiness is relative, i know, but i guess i better pause, breath and re-examine happiness. i had a really fun time yesterday, being together with this person.. but i guess i should stop. no point pursuing happiness which do not belongs to me. mich, when u are reading this, i hope that u will be proud of my decision.

lastly, i finally found my pain recovery method.. sleep. i guess my systems now finally know how to shut down and prevent me from pain.. i slept from 8.30 last night until 7 this morning (about 10.5 hours), and i guess it managed to deflect the temporary pain and sadness..

and like i said, my emotions are riding the rollercoster to hell...

ciao
ben