the return..

hola ppl, how's life?
am stealing some time off now to blog. besides, there's hardly anyone here in the office, and i am about to leave for another meeting in a couple of minutes.

anyway, just some random thoughts for the day:
1. Malaysia's political scene is getting more and more dramatic. everyday, we hear headlines about political rivalry (mind u, it's been more than 3 months since the last elections), yet nothing is done to serve the people. seriously, the opposition should take a reality check! had the people really wanted you, you will be the new government already. many voted for you because we are left with no other options.

2. my mood swings are getting from bad to worse. thankfully, i'm not a women, for with the type of mood swings that i am getting, people may think that i'm pregnant.

3. chocolate can do wonders to ur mood.. or at least this is something that happened to me. it was amazing how a bar of kit kat could lift up my mood and got me to gym.. haha.

4. even in this age, and in this developing country, discrimination is still rife. and what's worse? discrimination generate hate, and refusing a chance for people to understand the people who are being discriminated. and to think that i am always in the minority of groups....haih

5. anyway, i'm happy to say that the diva is finally back in me.. yes, this b***h is finally back and taking over. after many months of destroying the walls and the platform for this person, it's back... with a vengence. therefore, from now, i'll only speak and listen when i feel like it...

6. speaking of walls, i think it's time to rebuild the walls of isolation in me again. vulnerabilty is not my forte. i must take charge and take control again.

7. there is nothing more truthful than seeing the eyes of a person sparkle when meeting it's beloved. that's what i witnessed yesterday, and i think the signs are clear enough for me to leave this person. thank you so much for being in my life, now it's time to leave..

ok, enough for now. am leaving for my meeting

ciao
je t'aime
ben

community service

i've been invited to a party. a singles party. apparently, it's a party to show how desperate single people are and hopefully they can find a mate. the best part, i've been told by the 'host' to perform some 'community service' and invite more single desperate people to the party. apparently, i'm to look for some single, desperate, cute or good looking boys to the party... hahaha. who am i in the position to do that?? besides, i don't really know any adonis around worthy to be invited to the party (even if i do, i would have kept him to myself..haha). but in case u are interested, feel free to let me know. it's on the 16th february, 7 pm onwards. it's a potluck (still wondering what to make), and i m also the unofficial photographer for the evening... so, guys, gals, let me know if u wanna come.

next, i apologise for the long overdue blog. i was supposed to blog on thursday, but eventually, i ended up dead like a log at home. maybe it's because my yoga practise and extra guidance triggered some sleepy nerves and sent me to dreamland for the next 11 hours.. haha. so much for having proper yoga training. i was corrected by a bystander (ok, she's a graduate from Sun Yoga) for my back bend and gave some pointers on my downward facing dog and mountain pose. looks like i have got loads to catch up and correct before my training in balance come march..

chinese new year is just around the corner, and things are going more and more hectic for me. there are experiments to complete. thesis to write, things to clear, house to clear.... and all this hasn't stop me from daydreaming, and from over thinking too.. amazing huh.

oh, i've watched sweeny todd. pity that i was so tired that day that i couldn't emmerse myself completely in the movie. we went for the late night movie, and i was struggling to stay awake half way through the movie. somehow, after catching 40 winks, i managed to pop my eyes during the ending. it was so dramatic, so gruesome, and so passionate...well, the death scene is the best i've seen, second only to satin's death in moulin rouge...i have to say, tim burton and johnny depp have clearly set a new par in dark musicals....excellent

here are some of my twisted thoughts. they may not be conventional, but i think it's rather cute as i get to share my quirks here...
1) i was riding home from the gym, and i saw these two guys walking on the pavement. then i told myself, what are these people thinking as they walk along the pavement? where are they heading? what's playing in their heads? is it about safety? of the journey? or maybe about their studies? how bout their future?

2) scene: in gym. i was talking to this lady (the host for the silly party), and she asked me, what do i plan to do with my life. honestly, i couldn't answer her at all. i have lost direction on what to do. previously, i was so sure that i wanted to be a vet (somehow, my results proved otherwise). hence, i'm stuck in some local u, doing some wretched degree (in zoology). so, now, where do i go from here? my pals have been sending resumes and going for interviews. but what have i done?? nothing.

3) a friend of mine was telling me that she was spotted by a talent scout. come on, she isn't exactly that beautiful, her boobs are barely there, her fashion sense is like that of a 40 year old aunty...and she got spotted. where is my talent scout when i want one? i believe i'm passible... but i am never spotted...hmm (daydreaming..)

4) next,another issue came up.. buying property. a few friends were talking about it in the gym the other day. and boy, did i proudly say that i don't wanna buy any property. it's not that i do not want a home, but i just couldn't see myself being here for long. honestly, i don't even know if i could survive another year, what's more, to plan for a future.. i just don't see that coming.

5) last night, a casual friend just told me that i don't look macho, and what's my sexual preference.. i must admit, i wasn't comfortable with that question, but it got me thinking, quite a lot. of course my most conventional answer would be to be asexual. but am i really one? honestly, i don't see myself getting attached, married with kids and the such (maybe because i've lost hope in them), but am i really asexual. somewhere in the middle of last year, i'd decided to open up and explore my options.. but things didn't really turn out great. when it comes to girls, somehow or other, they just don't meet my standards. then again, i'll think to myself, which girl will actually be seen dating a 'non-macho' man?? shopping buddy, yes. bitching buddy, yes. but boyfriend?? hmm. then guys... it's just so hard to tell if the guy is straight or queer. and when u can tell them apart, they are just taken. and also, don't i always read, gays prefer other gays to be macho and straight acting.. apparently, ppl like me will only end up as drag-queens forever doomed to the stage of babylon boom boom....:(. hence, i give up....

6) i've tried my best not to judge people... but sometimes, that feeling is just so overwhelming. i just can't help to notice if the vibe is just so wrong and strong.. hmm. well, i've done my part. i guess nature will take it's cause

7)is this true compassion, or just silly thoughts in my head?? it happened when i was waxing my car yesterday. there's this bunch of boys hanging out in front of my house, in school uniform. all of a sudden, i had the thought to reform them, maybe even motivating them to study harder and become a better person, and even to the point of providing free tuition to them just to get them to study and not do silly things (of course, these are just thoughts in my head). then, when i was driving to the gym when i saw this dog injured at the neck. apparently, it's been in a fight and got bit on the back of the neck. the feeling was so strong for me to pull over, carry the dog in and send it to the nearest vet (but i didn't do it). are these true compassion? or are this just silly games people play with their minds?

8) and last thought...i think i shall option out from friday night supper. although the supper is something like carrot juice or tau fu fah, i think i'll try to abstain from it. it's not the food or calories that i fear...but somehow the company isn't exactly that pleasant, and i think i shall stay away from it now on..

ok, enough of my silly thoughts. feel free to laugh it all out, but just don't keep in in your hearts.. bye

kong hei fatt choy!!

je t'aime
ben

What's become of our society

case 1: a lady was snatched off her golden necklace in front of my house on wednesday morning. it was 8.30 and a thieve was so bold to snatch her, and they were both on motorcycles.
case 2: a broken pvc pipe, 2 bronze urns, a metal stand and a few pairs of slippers and articles of clothes were stolen from my house. some may be worth something, some may worth peanuts.
case 3: student's loitering at the playground when they should be in school. as if playing truant was not enough, some were smoking even though they are underaged

here are 3 case examples of what our society have become today. i don't have to look far. i don't have to scan the newspapers or sit in front of the telly. all i had to do was to look out my front door. these cases may seem all, or nothing. although we are gripped with sensational stories such as the recent 'Nurin' case, or the 'Shearway' case, we are also blind to the downfall of society around us.

i attended the freedom film festival two weeks ago. my first block was on gangsterism. many people were vocal of their opinions of gangsterism, but none have come out with a proper solution. some even dismissed this as a sub-culture of another society (the movie was based in singapore) and it doesn't happen here. but let me tell you, it does. in fact, it happens right under our noses. but what have we done?

leaders, NGOs and others may have much to say, but have they put it to action? have they try to reform? to teach? or even to educate the society of these social ills?

lets review the 3 cases that i highlighted. the first two cases was motivated by financial gains. but have they ever stopped to think of what will become of the individual that they caused ill? what if the lady were to fall, crash and injure herself ? i lost my aunt to a case of snatch theft. she was snatched, pushed, and knocked her head on the curb by the road. she passed away 3 days later. but until this moment, we still couldn't find the culprit. theft may not cause any physical injury, but think of the inconvenience caused to the family. imagine waking up one morning to pray, just to realise that my urn has gone missing. well...what more can i say

as for the third case, i highlighted it because it is just as important. as they say, bad habits start from young. if people are not educated the right way, they will fail for the rest of their lives. no offence to the majority out there, but these kids that play truant are actually sons of cops living in the neighbourhood. maybe they have this false sense of immunity against the law, making them bold to leave school.

everytime i see them, i think to myself, why am i working my ass of to complete my studies? i do that to secure my future. but look at them, they don't have to be in school, they don't have to study, and yet, they will be given a place in society. universities will open their doors to them. civil departments will gladly welcome them, and like it or not, they will be granted 30% equity in all firms. all this because it's their birth right. wow.

so, what do u think? is that our society? is that what we've become? after 50 years of independace, is that how we should lead our lives? is that what the future have become? where crime and social ills rule the way? what i've highlighted is just the tip of the iceberg. there's more in this society, but what can we do?

it's all up to you. thanks for reading, and ciao