twice-a-tuesday

today is just not right. everything seems so wrong, and everything seems to be repeating itself. firstly, i am still stuck in the lab again. just like last night. in fact, i'll have to leave later tonight, about 12.30am (i left bout 11 last night). secondly, everything that i do, i just have to do them twice. i have to weigh my samples again, run the same test again, run the same analysis again, and even studied for yet another wrongly-scheduled test. everything just seem so wrong. even the browsers for my computer needs to be clicked twice. gosh.


i've missed gym for two days now. i do wonder, is it for better or for worse? i feel more tired, and more taxed out compared to my gym sessions. besides, all this are also taxing my mind. i am running out of thoughts and ideas. even blogging now seems dreadful as i am suffering from a certain mental block..

ok, just one interesting thing...i was convinced that the campus have no good looking people at all.. until this morning. i just happen to climb the stairs to my lab, and i this guy was decending it. gosh.. he's just perfectly fine. got me startled for a moment.. and i couldn't look at him in the eye..ah.so i was proven wrong..now, i wonder if he's a student, or just an outsider. but seriously, i've never seen a chinese boy so slim, so fair, so tall, so perfect in all aspects. and his smile.. wow. and most importantly, he was dressed up formally and seemed to be glowing...(either that, or my eyes were blinded).. haha. so, good looking ppl do exist... pity none will turn their eyes to look my way.

this is in response to a comment from my previous blog. mich, it's not that i refuse help. it's just that i am not getting help at all. i am not perfect, and not all demanding. i also need help at times. and now is the time that i need the most, and i find myself doing everything alone.

enough for tonight. my mind is slowly shutting down
ciao
je t'aime
ben

uni nite

from the title, it may sound like a prom nite or a ball. but it's far from that. it's a ridiculous monday night, and i am seated in the lab typing this post at half past nine. apart from the vermins, saurians and other creatures of the night, i guess i am the only soul here, still working. all this for the sake of my final year project. often, i question.. why do i have so much to do while my peers are taking it so easy? why do others have help from their seniors while i have to do it all by myself?? then i realise, maybe this will help me in the future. maybe this will make me stronger. make me a better person. i am not even sure if research is in my blood, but i guess my stubborness and spirit will get me going..however, i am blessed to know that i have many friends and also my family supporting me. it's good to know that all these people have given me unconditional support and love, and i really can't thank them enough.

now, for the fun side of life.. went to watch step up 2 this afternoon. it's not as good as the first one, but i wouldn't say that it's bad either. they are just of different elements. however, the first one have more dance moves, whereas this one has got loads of disgusting ppl. plot is really thinner than muslin.. and the style of dancing is not exactly my liking (cos it's very break, rnb.. all of which i couldn't do). come on, a person my size wouldn't be able to spin on the head, stand on arms or even just break dance...(fear is also a factor). but there are also a few good scenes like the latin dance. the salsa is one of the most flirtatious dance, and it's also my fantasy to dance like that. my ideal partner should be able to dance and seduce me on the dance floor.. haha. all in all, just an ok movie.. however, one thing really swooned me over.. the lead guy's teeth. and his smile. gosh, his teeth is so perfect and white...ahh...

ok, apparently i shouldn't teach yoga for free.. but who would want to pay an amateur to teach. guess i'll forever be just the member on the floor. but i guess it's just fine to teach friends... well, decision in due time. and if it's for charity, maybe i'll just channel them to the spca..doggies in the pound, u may have hope for better shelter soon..haha

ok, i'll have to get back to work. guess this post is pretty concise about my thoughts for the moment. until next time, and wish me luck

ciao
je t'aime
ben

edit: guess what, i left my wallet at home. now, i am cashless and id-less. makes me no less different from an immigrant. hopefully no one will catch me later..

sunday= funday

this is the best sunday i had in months. it's been so long since i get to sleep in until about 10. and i don't even have to worry about going up to the campus. it was just a relieve to know that finally, i don't have to head to the campus on a sunday morning.

remember i was contemplating about japanese in my previous blog?? i don't have to contemplate anymore as i did go for japanese this afternoon. well, it's for brunch. so, me, mum, sis and grams went for japanese in yataimura. it's amazing how many plates of sushi me and my sis can down in less than an hour. we had all sorts, salmon, tuna, ebiko (japanese caviar), ebi, and also various types of rolls. and all those were for starters only... adding on, we had california temaki, 2 nabes, and a pot of tofu. really filled me to the brim...

the best part, i made it in time for yoga after the heavy brunch. thankfully, my yoga instructor cum diaper buddy decided to change her teaching style. it was soft yoga, and we got to relax...hehe. am so grateful for that. after yoga, it was another 90 minutes of work out, both cardio and weights. am so happy that prasis actually complimented me on my body shape. according to him, my body shape is looking better now. well.. now, i guess i'll just have to trim my waist, my hips, and tone my lower body. of course, i must not forget bout my upper body too.. and my wobbly arms. still a lot of work to do... yet happy doing it!!

speaking of yoga, i was encouraged by mich this afternoon to start teaching yoga. of course, i wouldn't be doing it in the gym yet, but she suggested me to start teaching to close friends. apparently, i could do it and i should start somehow.. am still contemplating. still wondering what to teach, and where to teach. anyone game for free yoga sessions?? just contact me then...

it's way past midnight and i am still chewing on dried meat (bak kua) from chinese new year. i bet it'll go straight into my hips and butt tomorrow..haha

changed my layout. mainly because of the adverts that i put up. but also because it was bad (according to alan). according to him, it made the blog look old. so, i guess i'll just have to change it back to 23 years old. haha

ok, enough for now.
ciao
je t'aime
ben

comfort food nite...

firstly, i would like to apologise to all my readers for the previous post. i know that it was really depressing. i don't mean to bring your spirits down, but i guess misery loves company.

well, i am feeling better now. in fact, my mood was so much better since last night. finally got over the fatigue and the lethargy of the weekend. i don't deny that my mood is still down, but i guess i could keep it beneath me now. i wanna enjoy the weekend!!!

am feeling a little guilty now, as i was pigging out on comfort food. had rather late lunch or hash browns and sausages. skipped dinner..until my sis pestered me to mcd's. besides, it was the drive-thru, so i don't mind. initially, was only supposed to get an oreo mcflurry for her. somehow, we got ourselves a pie each, her mcflurry, and my chocolate cornetto sundae..guess i'll have to work out all the calories tomorrow... or continue with a japanese lunch treat from mum (not sure if i wanna go yet).

am both happy and sad at the same time for my final year project. happy that it's done, almost complete. just one last phase to go. but am sad that after doing some analyses, realised that my diet isn't exactly effective for growth. but what's done is done. all i have to do now is to compile my results, write up my discussion, and i am all set to graduate. oh, am really glad that i my only exam paper is on the 22nd of april. guess i could slot in a genting trip after going for celine dion's concert.

i couldn't believe this, but i am still laughing to 'a cinderella story'. it may be corny or so...but watching repeats can really lift ur spirits. haha. i have to say, i really 'heart' hilary duff. lindsay, take a cue!!

just a random thought.. maybe i should send my resume for a post of lecturer in taylor's college in kl. perhaps i could teach biology and/or psychology. but it's just a passing thought.. mum and dad wants me to go to australia to pursue my master's degree..

ok for tonight.. still contemplating. yoga or japanese food?? (sign from tv now says japanese..no thanks to the advert from ajinomoto)

oh, another heart for mix fm. they played 2 celine songs back to back last yesterday morn. was so happy to hear alone and my heart will go on together. watched 'a new day' again last night, and was so just so happy to be able to sing to songs like 'i surrender', 'river deep, mountain high', and also 'to love you more'.. me on celine fever now..

ciao
je t'aime
ben

Raining..

gosh, it's been raining for the whole day. really brought me down to the dumps. i don't know what is wrong with me, but this sick feeling is really bringing me down. maybe it's the weather, maybe it's me project, or maybe it's my hormones (guys have hormonal fluctuations too). i just don't know...

actually, my project is nearing completion. i've already written half of my thesis.. now, all's left is my fatty acid analysis, and also to write my results and discussion. wish me luck so that i can get it done before the deadline.

i guess the rain also dampen my spirits in whole. i didn't do much today, except to attend a mis-informed class (at 10). then, i decided not to go for class at 2. what's worse, i didn't even bother going to the gym. there's 90 minutes of yoga (my fav), but i just didn't bother. eventually, i ended up taking a long nap from 3 to 6. even so, i can still feel the lethargy in my bones now.

emotionwise, it is still in turmoil. i thought i had clear signs. really clear signs. but my heart wouldn't listen. it's causing me hurt, and the timing is bad as i really wanna focus on my studies. i thought we had so much in common, but all those are illusions. we may not have started, but still, is this the end?? hmm..maybe it's a blessing to have you only as a friend. or maybe loneliness is the only company desired.. i don't know.

elections are coming.. banners, buntings and billboards everywhere. politicians are going around, campaining for votes. but, what a pity that i couldn't vote. don't get me wrong, i am registered, but just a little too late. guess it's another 4 years then. anyway, i really hope that there'll be a politician that will highlight the environment as one of their agenda. i see all these manifestoes.. yet none touched on conserving, preserving, or maybe even paying a little attention to the natural world around them... makes me wonder, are they even worth being voted for??

i just can't wait for the celine dion concert tickets. gosh, they can't even get the pricing right now... come on, ppl!!

i am also now stuck in a rut considering my future options. i was browsing through the graduate studies in upm. do i wanna continue my studies in upm? or should i stay in usm? or maybe i should head over to the igp (or whatever, that deals with australian studies) and consider relocating to australia?? i dunno. or maybe, i'll just get a job. what about my training... i wanna take balance. but should i take jam?? ppl have been telling me to take jam, but should i? ah.. questions, questions, questions...

guess i'll just sleep on this.. and await a new dawn.
ciao
je t'aime
ben

manic monday

is today a monday?? it certainly is. and worst, it was a manic monday for me. i didn't have enough sleep, my energy was totally zapped out, and my emotions were helter-skelter. with the last amount of energy i had, i had to muster out of bed, head up to the campus (at 9) and finally returning at 6. then, it was to the gym to sweat my lazy ass off. thankfully, i ended the day well by being in starbucks enjoying my cup of chamomile tea (am still here).

emotions are hard to contain. even when you try ur best to control it on the surface, it'll surface eventually and eat u up from within. that's what i have been suffering from the past few days. i thought i had mine under wraps. somehow, it's eating me up, turning my life upside down. i think i have to go for a retreat or something.

i guess the signs were very discreet. over the past few days, i've been playing with god, destiny or whatever higher powers that be. i've asked for signs concerning a certain person, and i guess the answers were very direct. so, i guess i'll just have to fall for something else. thanks anyway...for all the signs.

ciao, as my chamomile tea is slowly lulling me to slumberland.
je t'aime
ben

saturday? or sunday?

well, i guess my blog is starting to get a little crowded huh.. all u guys see are adverts here and there. can't blame a newbie for starting. besides, who doesn't wanna earn some cash. i'm running dry as i idle my life away now..

hmm, idle..i probably used the wrong word for my life. in fact, my life is anything but idle. i have deadlines to meet, stuff to write, experiments to conduct..and then there's my social life. in fact, i've been out for the past few nights far more often than before. let's see.. there was the gambling session, kh's lunar birthday session, the torch session, then last night (friday) again for supper/dinner. somehow or other, my life is one confused masterpiece as my timing is out. here i am blogging on sunday morning (while still reeling off saturday night). then there is the confused meals (b'fast/lunch, dinner/supper, lunch/dinner??). somehow, when i get busy, i seem to skip meals far more often... and then i binge. i guess my yoyo diet will eventually consume me..

but i think it's all worth it as i've been on my feet for more than 8 hours today. all for my stupid FYP. guess i was so consumed by the rush that i didn't take a break..eventually completing 27 protein analyses, 4 lipid analyses, and prepared for another 5. what others will take 3 to 4 days to do, i've completed it in 8 hours. hopefully it's all worth it eventually. i do not want to realise that i've sacrificed so much to get anything less than an A for this paper.

ok, guess i'll stop now before i overwork my body. and i am so sorry for the adverts, but please bear with me while i try my best to keep them organised.
until another time then..

ciao
je t'aime
ben

End of Chinese New Year Celebrations

firstly, i would like to apologise to all my readers for not updating my blog. i'm so sorry, but i was taken ill for the past two days. it's only now that i managed to sit in front of the computer (sober and healthy) to blog.

i believe i didn't cover the last day of the Chinese New Year celebrations. well, it's called 'yuen siao' in China, 'yuin siew chit' in Hong Kong, and 'Chap Goh Meh' in Penang. it can be translated to mean the 15th night (of the first lunar month).

this is also festival of 'shang yuan', or the first of the three kings. these august ones once ruled over China, and was believed to be able to rid pestilence, cure disease, and maintain peace. 'shang yuan' is celebrated to the heavenly king. however, this practise is no longer celebrated in Penang

on the other hand, Penang is unique as the last day of CNY is celebrated the baba and nyonya (straits chinese) way. instead of lighting up lanterns to mark the occasion (in China), this is the night whereby Penang ladies take to the street. during the colonial days, this is the only night whereby young virgins are taken out of their houses. they are then chaperoned to Esplanade to throw oranges into the sea. apparently, the oranges are marked with their wishes (sometimes name and phone number)for a happy marriage soon. bachelors will then row out to the sea to fish these oranges, and eventually hoping to marry the maiden that threw the destined orange. funny huh....

this is also the night whereby the straits chinese come out in their finest to perform the dondang sayang. the Esplanade will be nicely decorated,and the dondang sayang troupe will come in their lovinly decorated bus. men and women will then dance to the beat, while exchanges verses in malay poems.

hmm. no wonder they call this the chinese valentine (actually, the chinese valentine's day is on the 7th day of the 7th month). fast forward a few decades, and Penangites now celebrate 'chap goh meh' in front of the penang chinese town hall instead of esplanade. gone are the maidens (tailed by their mummies)...and gone were the days when ladies threw oranges in the sea. apparently, they decided to build a wishing well in front of the goddess of mercy temple for the ladies to throw their oranges. hmm.. i wonder what's the fun in that.

anyway, the 15th day is also the day for pengat. it's a dessert made from coconut milk, bananas, sweet potates and sago. it's extremely delicious (but i didn't have any due to my illness). the pengat is a traditional nyonya dish, and is cooked on this day as the pengat signifies abundance. it will be offered to ancestors on the altar, and then eaten by the living..nowadays, u can easily get pengat from any dessert booth by the street.

guess this is the end of my festive post. i'll be going back to more personal posts soon.. in the meantime, feel free to read my paid posts. i actually spent some time penning my thoughts for something more than pennies.. haha

ciao
je t'aime
ben

I've signed up for PPP!!!!

hear ye, hear ye..
i've finally done what many other bloggers are doing out there. earning money via blogging. initially, i was a little sceptical about all this. come on, money just don't grow on trees. however, recent increase in blogs and the expansion of the blogosphere, people have realise that this is a good place to generate revenue.

anyway, what is so great with payperpost, you may ask. for starters, they have a host of oppurtunities waiting to reward bloggers. avid or recreational bloggers, you can always grab hold of such a chance to earn some money while doing what you do best.

besides, i've seen a lot of other bloggers using payperpost out there. i must really thank kah hooi for introducing me to payperpost. apparently, PPP is financing his next Sammi Cheng cd, direct from hong kong. who wouldn't wanna earn such money. there are so many things out there waiting for me to purchase them..

anyway, wish me luck as i'm only starting to get my hands onto all this. and, if u ever want to grab the same oppurtunity like i did, just click on the link above. who wouldn't want some easy money. as long as you blog, you deserve to earn. it's give a whole new meaning to the old adage 'penny for your thoughts'

and in case you are wondering, i'm getting more than pennies for just writing this.
ciao

12th day of CNY

so, it's the 12th day of chinese new year. another three more days before the end of the celebration. apparently, it seems like i'm more chinese than the average chinese.. so sue me. anyone who knows me well enough will know that i read a lot, inquire a lot, and have a deep facination with the chinese culture. i could identify the era where cheongsams were popular, use proverbs as old as the Haan dynasty etc.. so i guess it's nothing new if i were to blog about chinese festivals. like i've mentioned before, it actually saddens me to see that more and more chinese are being westernised. they do not know, understand or appreciate their culture which is steeped in values and tradition.

fine, i'll take a break from the 'mumbo jumbo' blogging today and go back my mundane personal life (besides, there's nothing special today in the chinese almanac). so, i went for dinner last night. we wanted to toss the yee sang, but sadly, it wasn't available at the restaurant. eventually, we ended up eating more than 400 bucks worth of seafood. fish, crabs, prawns... luckily we didn't order the lobster. as usual, i couldn't eat much, hence i only took a few bites from each dish..

after dinner, we went over to T's place for gambling session. yup, u heard it right, we gambled. we played mahjong and cards. actually, i was quite happy with the mahjong session, because i was the biggest winner of the night (however, the prize money is very little). but then again, i had fun. after the mahjong session, we played this game called 'in between' with a deck of cards. simple rules, but high stakes. eventually, i lost 25 bucks for the whole night (kah hooi lost more). but all is not lost as the pool money will be used for another eating session..haha

ok, enough of my pathetic life. until the next time then

ciao
je t'aime
ben