Post 144

Yes, i am finally lost for a title to put in my blog. not that i don't wanna put, just that i am not sure what to put as my blogs are usually messed up...(reflective of my thoughts)

Firstly, my deepest apologies to Alan cos somehow, he's influenced to write like me (i may sound morbid at times)!! it wasn't my intention to channel my 'emo' feel to others. besides, u ppl are not going through what i am going through.. anyway, i don't have happy preppy words to cheer one up, therefore, i'm sorry.

Just a matter of thought. the political landscape in Malaysia, especially in Penang, has been changing drastically for the past few months. during march 8th, we were actually worried if there's a repetition of may 13th incident. thankfully, malaysians have matured...or have we?? lately, a certain politician have been instigating racial remarks, testing the racial sentiments of the present community, creating discord. if this prolongs, sooner or later, the ghost of may13th will return....and worst still, i'll be the first to be killed, cos i am neither chinese, nor am i a malay..haih.

Am occupying myself with work now. am figuring out budgets, costs, planning and services to keep myself away from hurtful thoughts. should take a cue from the love guru....stop hitting yourself!! stop hitting yourself!! why are u still hitting yourself!!..

speaking of love guru...it's definitely worth a watch, especially when in depression period. it really took my mind of matters, just having 2 hours of laughter and all in the cinema. it started of rather slow, and took a while to tickle the audience, but the love guru was really funny. check out the few other funny parts like justin timberlake singing a celine dion song...and the faux celine dion.. gosh, this movie is a must watch for celine dion fans.. hahaha

am supposed to teach bodybalance this coming sunday. was initially excited, but somehow, as i was lying down to sleep last night, i thought i should just bail out of it and hand it over to joa. probably she could be a better instructor than me, and she needs all the practise too, considering that she should be getting a class anytime soon....

now, i think i should be accustomed to playing second fiddle, being the ugly duckling, being alone, and returning as the ice queen.. i guess this is what i am..hahaha

ok, enough for this random post.

GO WATCH LOVE GURU!!!

ciao
Ben

Hesitation

Am hesitating to go to the gym for the past few days..hehe. ever since i came back from KL, been wanting to avoid gym. and now, i am even planning my work to finish slightly later so that i don't have to be in the gym, and also planning to stay for a shorter time period there. probably i'll go for step class, then work on my chest and disappear back into my hiding hole...

what's worse, my hiding whole isn't exactly comforting either. just that there are ample pillows and bolster to shelter me from the world. am missing my big throw pillow.. cos it was really really comfortable to hide there.

i guess angels are really here in desperate times. ever since i spilled my thoughts in the blog, certain things have changed, and there are people coming to talk to me on various issues. firstly, i've just got a pay raise.. just a mere 16.67% from my current salary. then, janis wants me to cover a class for her on sunday, 14th sept. what was more surprising was that i person that i only met for the first time yesterday was pushing me to further my studies. are these signs and signals telling me to move on????

anyway, will try to put all these issues to the back of my head and maintain the current situation. guess i shall now channel more energy to my work. i have a whole forum to host tomorrow morning, budget to prepare after i blog, things to do...probably it'll take my mind off things.

guess that's all for now.. gonna make myself a nice cup of green tea (suggested in alan's blog) as i will be facing the computer the whole day..haha.

ciao
ben

Quitting

Well well, i'm back from my 'holiday' of 4 days and 3 nites in KL, plus another day of rest at home.. was it good?? i wonder. all i know was that there were loads of driving, loads of sore back and aching neck, a workshop to attend, and loads of tension...yes, this holiday is so tensed that i don't really think i enjoyed it..

anyway, went for my first quarterly session. it was great to finally see so many friends, and also my trainer (riyo) and kylie gates. was also happy to do body jam and body balance way ahead before the new launch..hehe. sadly i have to give body step a pass as i wanted to conserve energy for body jam. am glad that latin flava is back..woohoo!!! body balance...hmm....easier than usual.

just saw that i was tagged in a photo from osman's facebook for the quarterly. so not flattering, so horrible, and looks like i was high on drugs or something like that. and you wonder why i don't fancy being in pictures...

as for the title to this post.. the faux 'vacation' seemed to gave me some insights to things that should probably start considering at this point of my life...
1. probably i should call it quits with body balance. i think i should stay until the launch of release 42, and then stop being an instructor and just attend classes.
2. thought of quitting the gym too..high time to hang up my dancing shoes, my sweat pants and all, and just try to pick up the pieces of my life.
3. thought of quitting my job. not that i don't love it, but there is this part that wants to leave everything and do the impossible.. am considering either to be a monk, or just doing nothing..
4. thought of quitting penang, look for a new place and start over, hoping that mistakes obtained here will not be repeated
5. thought of quitting my personality. i'm sick and tired of being mr nice guy. i wonder whatever happened to the old bitch that used to be in me.. where is that person hiding now?? besides, i think i need to step into the dark side..even considered pimping myself.. just for the satisfaction of it.
6. lastly, thought of quitting my life.

enough said for this morbid morning. let's just hope that i pick up the pieces, maintain status quo, and move on.

ciao

Timing and Coincedence??

'People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.




Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.




LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson,
love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.'

Received this in my email this morning. Can't help but to really want to post it up here as what it says is really true. what's more, i like to think that i am the person that comes for a moment, guide u through difficult times, then leave..

Graduation pix

Bodybalance 42

Here's the track listing for Bodybalance 42. The music is wonderful,and i hope to be able to convey the feeling well when i teach the class.

1. Moya Brennan - I Will Find You
2. Sleeptheif feat. Jody Quine - Eurydice (Psychometric Remix)
3. Sugarbabes - Change
4. Seal - Rolling
5. Delerium - The Way You Want It To Be
6. KT Tunstall - Hold On
7. Moby - Extreme Ways (Bourne's Ultimatum)
8. Alicia Keys - Superwoman
9. Conjure One - Sleep (Solarstones Afterhour remix)
10. Daniel Otuka - Earths Unfolding Cords
11. Deuter - Illumination

The line up is almost similar to the previous release, as we see the return of Moya Brennan (Purple Haze in 41), Delerium (Silence,41), Seal (Wedding Day, 41), Alicia Keys (No One, 41), Moby (18,41 and Lift Me Up,40)and Daniel Otuka for Meditation. We also see the return of KT Tunstall (Suddenly I See,40) and the sugarbabes (many releases before me..haha).

The difference this time is the sun saluation. We'll be doing shiva salutation (wonder what that is). guess i have got loads to learn during the workshop.

ciao
je t'aime
ben

Political blah 2

After the long tribute (and a day after the region was shaken by the resignation), Dato' Dr Toh Kin Woon had been offered the position of adviser in PKR. like i mentioned in my previous blog, i am not surprised by that move, as he's a great ally to Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim.

He's welcomed to join any political party, as long as he doesn't bring SERI down with him. i still want my job, as it is really good to be here.

Anyway, i heard that he'll be away for 9 months beginning December 1st for his sabbatical. I guess that's the best example for life-long learning that he's been preaching all these while. Someone who walks his talk deserves the highest respect.

Ciao

Political blah....

*Disclaimer: This is not a political blog*

Well, the first news that floated around the office this morning was that my boss, YBhg Dato' Dr Toh Kin Woon, finally resigned from his post in Parti Gerakan Malaysia. After the political tsunami (i detest the word though)of March 8, Gerakan lost its strongest foothold, and is on the verge of collapsing. Now, with the withdrawal from one of the strongest leader of the party, i wonder if there's still hope for the 'multiracial' party of the coalition.

Dr Toh is one of the most radical leader in the party. having strong political views, as well as an established relationship with the de-facto leader of PKR, this resignation is deemed long overdue. previously, he even voiced his support to his friend by issuing a statement asking for vindication of charges against the leader.

A man of small stature by strong views, Dr Toh leaves a very deep impression while he was the state exco member. he was given the education profile (something which he stills hold dear to) and strived to elevate the standard of education in Penang. in fact, i had the deepest respect for him during my schooling days as he was always there for major functions organised by the school.

Anyway, with this resignation, Dr Toh is now expected to contribute more of his time towards his NGO work, as well as to serve as the CEO of SERI. hopefully, he'll manage to secure more projects for SERI, making us the foremost think-tank of the Penang (and hopefully the region). on his future political plans, many expect him to retire in ease, but i won't dismiss the possibility of him joining forces with his PKR ally. after all, not many can live up to his credibility.

I'm stopping here, and once again, he deserves a standing ovation for taking such a stand. Probably, there's hope after all, for Penang to be a better place...

ciao

Graduation

It's finally happened. 3 years ago, i stepped into the university as a freshman. 3 years of work, 3 years of play, 3 years of exams, 3 years of headache... and it's all over now. i'm not a graduate. happily a graduate!! haha!! and the best part, i'm blessed with superb friends to celebrate my graduation... it was such an amazing moment, just walking in front of the pro-chancellor to receive my scroll. such amazing feeling to be in the suit, with the purple robes, the golden sash, and the mortar board... so amazing.

finally had my first margarita, from chillis. and it felt like a rip off.. not that it is pricy or wat, but seriously, i'd prefer a margarita in a glass and not a mug!! heck!! anyway, will try to post up the pix on facebook..hehe

watched zohan on saturday night.. except for the ridiculous accent, the discriminatory and deregatory remarks, and the amazingly 'large' bulge, i guess the best part to wait in the whole movie is the special appearance of a certain diva. i didn't expect that, but the diva was given her extra 5 minutes of fame (besides her other many many years of fame)...so cute..

happiness is relative, i know, but i guess i better pause, breath and re-examine happiness. i had a really fun time yesterday, being together with this person.. but i guess i should stop. no point pursuing happiness which do not belongs to me. mich, when u are reading this, i hope that u will be proud of my decision.

lastly, i finally found my pain recovery method.. sleep. i guess my systems now finally know how to shut down and prevent me from pain.. i slept from 8.30 last night until 7 this morning (about 10.5 hours), and i guess it managed to deflect the temporary pain and sadness..

and like i said, my emotions are riding the rollercoster to hell...

ciao
ben