rejoice

ah, the pleasure of finding something back is indescribeable. as bloggers may know, i kinda 'lost' my mp3 player. i was down and depressed for the past week. however, all is different now...it's back. in my arms again....gosh, the euphoria is really indescribeable...now, i just can't wait to upload more songs into my player.......

seated in starbucks now, on a tuesday evening... celebrating my joy. and also with mich and a drink that matches her shirt (brambleberry 'bandung'). it's amazing what u can do with the drinks from here. and also the lovely atmosphere that they evoke here. i just can't wait for christmas to come....

christmas is fast approaching, and my tree is still not up yet. it's still collecting dust atop the cupboard. mich's tree is already up...so soon. anyway, i plan to make mine blue this year. i think it's a really nice colour...

ok, enough of my ramblings while sipping my lovely mocha praline frapp. it may be this season's drink, but i strongly recommend the toffee nut frapp.. that is really really delicious.

ciao.
je t'aime

random

just came back from celebrating lav's birthday. yes, she's officially 22. after 6 months of waiting, she's now as old as i am... well, we celebrated at new world park, while attending the street dance competition. boy, those ppl can really dance. breakdancing, lock, hip hop, u name it, they dance it... i was so impressed..

the past week have been really rough on me, with practically all things going haywire. life sucks, and it sucks more when u look at ur reflection on the knife. tempted, i was...but i figured that it was not worth it. i still wanna be around the ppl that i've found joy in. ppl who support me, and play with me...thank u guys so much for being there for me. u know who u are

went for a thanksgiving pot luck party last night. fun, but really tired. especially when i have to bake two pots of lasagne from scratch. i basically whipped them up properly, and made it palateable. am so thankful that it turned out well...hehe.

Affected

i couldn't believe it, but i was really really affected by my sudden loss. in fact, i couldn't get a good night's rest, as i was tossing and turning on the bed, thinking of my zen. it's gone. i have to face it... but there is still this part of me that want's it back. after all, i've shared 3 years with it... how could it leave just like that.
in fact, i couldn't really concentrate much on my day, kept on thinking about the zen. i was nearly involved in 3 accidents yesterday, while rushing to the gym to look for it. i'm lost and miserable. in fact, i think depressed suits me more.
misery loves company, so they say. and indeed it does. there's been some screw ups in my FYP, and hopefully i can overcome it. my day's a wreck. in fact, suicidal thoughts keep popping into my head. i haven't had any since last year, but today, it returned..with a vengence. i was so close to tears while i was in the shower...but somehow, not a drop was shed. i wonder how long can i hold on before i crumble. where's salvation when u need it??

ciao,
....

Misery

Dark clouds lie ahead. misery looms. just when you think that you are on top of the world, Murphy's law sets in. thoughts don't matter anymore. when despair sets, not even the brightest light will illuminate the sorrowed one anymore......

ok, i'm not that depressed. but still, i'm heartbroken. well, i didn't lose a partner, neither did i lose a loved one. however, it feels like one part of my life is gone. ok, i'm making a big fuss, but i lost my mp3 player. my beloved creative zen neeon. it was my pride, my joy, and my loyal companion. it was there to cheer me up when i'm down. filled my soul with music so pure and lovely...and now it's gone.

all from the folly of an old fool. i actually left it in the gym last thursday. and i didn't realise that it was missing until this afternoon, when i looked for it. gosh..it 's so hard now. i couldn't even get a proper workout just now as my mp3 player is gone. gone from me forever....

but i still hope. i still want to have faith that somewhere out there, there's still a kind soul that will return my beloved to me. i don't ask for much, as long as my zen is back with me.. but in reality, who would want to return a zen that costs 750 bucks? it's an early christmas present to him/her....gosh.

in case you do not return, i hope that u've found a better owner. someone that will treasure and love you like i do. someone that will fill you with music that will lift souls and spirits, sending them to heaven's door. i wish you well, farewell.....

ciao
je t'aime, mon zen

ok, ppl...share my delight with me. my exams are over..yahoo!!!!
watched stardust and beowulf...yahoo!!!
and i bought myself celine's latest album, taking chances ...YAHOO!!!!!!

yup. the week is finally getting better and better. sadly, it's also coming to an end. it's the start of another week soon. hopefully, there's a rollover effect.

anyway, i can smell christmas by the corner...it's so sweet....
must go grab a cup of the toffee nut latte later (from starbucks)..

u know u've put on weight when......an 'ah beng' that u haven't seen in 5-6 weeks tells u that u've gone fatter....
looks like i have to work harder to prepare myself for christmas....hehe

ok, ciao
je t'aime.
p.s. tu est mon lecteur

Monday Blues...

i'm back. don't worry, i didn't sideline this blog. it's just that things have to take a back seat as i face to challenges in reality. well, exams are drawing to an end. another paper this wednesday, and voila, i'm done. however, unlike previous years, i don't get to laze around and enjoy my holidays. i have to continue with my fyp. all the things that needed to be done..gosh, if only i have someone to share my day with....

speaking of sharing with someone special..i'm aware that most people around me managed to find their special someone. well, i haven't. months back, i was looking, 'marketing' myself and improving on my skills. however, i guess it's all no use as apparently what i've done is not enough. maybe i need to change my methods, do some soul searching or just retreat to a life of loneliness.....

well, i guess my hormones are a little 'off', so forgive me if u find this entry boring...

je t'aime

sorry for the stale blog. i know that it's been days since i last updated, but i seriously can't find a good oppurtunity to blog. besides, the thoughts in my head are so random that i can't really focus on something to blog about it. take now for instance, my brain is filled with the spice girls, some manga, gym and weight issues, as well as my uni problems.

one painful lesson i learnt this morning. never, NEVER, not check for your belongings the night before the exams. i conveniently idled my holidays away and didn't study much. hence, i had to cramp 14 chapters in 2 days for the paper this morning. somehow, it kinda skipped my mind to check for my pencil case and exam slip the night before. hence, me went to bed...come this morning, i was launched into panic state level 7/10. i couldn't find my pencil case, nor my exam slip. i searched high and low, time was running out, and the weather was gloom..then, only did i remember that i left it in the lab since last friday. could you believe it? friday to wednesday..gosh. therefore, i had to speed in the drizzle, up to uni, collect my pencil case, only to realise that my exam slip is in the bag that i'm carrying. thank goodness i made it to the exam hall on time and managed to finish my paper. one lesson learned: panicking before exams (especially for trivial matters) may lead to unrest...

i was reading KH's blog just now, and was touched by a few post on having faith and the power of prayers. i kinda lost faith in many things for quite a while. and i don't believe in prayers. however, there is this weird feeling in me to do some good lately, and restore my faith that there's hope in humanity. ever get the feeling of stopping and do something good? i nearly did that last friday night. however, i think there were other things holding my back like my ego or something. however, the feeling was just weird and overwhelming.

oh readers, go check out the new spice girls video. it's titled headlines (friendship never ends). it's beautiful. and do check out geri's abs. they are fabulous. it's amazing that a mother can have those abs while i'm stuck with a beer belly. i need to work harder. and the recent stress is not helping me reach my target. take today, i was so stressed out that i ate more and decided to skip gym and took a long afternoon nap instead. now, i'm feeling guilty and will compensate for gym time tomorrow.

oh, and to all indian bloggers/readers, happy celebrating diwali/deepavali, the festival of lights. may the light of goodness forever truimph over evil (evil ppl like me should be wary..haha).

ciao
je t'aime

argh!!! celine's new single is currently on air now. i know. it's been years since the last album was produced, and i can hardly wait for this one. watched the video clip from youtube. it was good, but somehow, the plot doesn't relate. i just can't wait to get my hands on the album. anyway, while i was browsing on youtube, i found another song of hers which i didn't know have an mv. i'm talking about je t'aime encore. it's the french version though. i love that song. i love that song so much that it tops my playlist (ok, maybe not top, but it's there).
anyway, while i was on youtube, i also manage to find a few other songs worthy of a place in this blog. it may be old, but it brings back all the memories. (private moment: tears actually welled my eyes while i was watching the ending scene from 'the butterfly lovers' just now)

exams are round the corner. as a matter of fact, it's only 4 days away from my first paper. somehow, i don't feel that anxious. it's health psychology, so hopefully i'll manage to score the paper. i've been so engaged with my final year project that i kinda forgotten about my other responsibilities like my studies...gosh, this project is really taking a toll on me.

i finally found the cure of almost all form of depression.....McDonald's Cornetto McFlurry.. ok, i may be exaggerating there, but the McFlurry is a must have. i had both early this morning (at 1 a.m.), and they were heavenly. my gosh, the chocolate chips, peanuts, strawberry chunks. apparently, all my work out went down the drain with the double dose of dessert...but it was worth it. superb

here's another restaurant worthy of mention: sri ananda bhawan, in tanjung bungah. well, it's my friday hang-out place now. the food there is really delicious. patrons should try the vadai, naan and tandoori set. it's really nice. apart from the food, the ambience there is really nice too. it's not like any other north indian restaurant, this place rocks (literally and figuratively). guys, check it out if u have the time. the only downside, they closes at 12.30 a.m., so you can't linger there long..

starbucks @ egate

location: starbucks, egate
weather: after rain chills
time: 23.40

am hanging out again at starbucks. yes, i know. the 'pay-a-bomb-for-coffee-that-u-can-get-from-coffee-shop' outlet. but what the heck, i'm a starbucks convert. besides, i do give in to commercialism. call me a trend-drifter..i drift where the trend is. if it's trendy, then i'll be there. i use to have ppl telling me that they wouldn't follow, wouldn't give in etc. i thought so too...then, boy, was i wrong. i finally woke up from that sickening dream of doing the impossible. i realised that 'if u can't beat them, join them'.

do you believe in dreams?? i don't know. sometimes, i would want to believe in them. sometimes, they are best left forgotten. and on dreams, many ppl have devised ways to define them. there's the freudian and jung theory, the bibilical theory, the gypsys, greeks etc.. so, make your pick. oh, and if u ever dream of snakes....it means repressed sexual desires..haha.

anyway, am gonna leave now as i've got my weekly fix of starbucks
ciao

p.s. i have one to many snakes in my dream. does this mean that my animal is awaken inside??

addiction

britney, lindsay.....rehab
bree.......alcohol addiction
princess......love/sex addict
me.......chocolate addict!!

yes folks, i am addicted to chocolate. more precisely, kit kats. i have this weird affection for kit kat. for whatsoever reasons, i do not know why. however, kit kat is not only my sin. i would gladly take in cadbury and whatever nots...as long as they are chocolate. belgian, dark, white, milk....i love them all. i must say, white chocolate has a distinct lure to it. it's not exactly 100% chocolate. but the taste of white chocolate...omm..heavenly.

i think i need help. i keep on reminding myself that chocolates are bad for me. they won't do me any good, especially when i am on my quest to lose weight. somehow, i just can't break free from the addiction. it is especially helpful when i am depressed. somehow, the endorphines in the chocolate help me put my life in perspective and make me 'high'. anyway, i think the reason for my previous post was due to the high amount of cadbury in my blood.

speaking of life in perspective, i also suffer from jekyll and hyde syndrome. i think i had it for a long time, but somehow it's more pronounced lately. maybe it's due to the sudden change in lifestyle and habits. getting to know different people from different walks of life also unleashed the inner beast in me. don't get me wrong. this beast won't do harm...however, this beast lives a life in la la land. it dreams to catwalk down the runway, design the next dkny and heck, even become a yoga/jam/balance trainer. maybe i've been letting loose for far too long. can somebody offer a solution to aid me in suppressing hyde................argh

ok, enough for the nite. ciao

p.s. rhinoplasty is a MUST for me